Newsjack Series 3 Quickie Failures Page 4

Some great stuff as per usual from you forumers... Here is my collection loose stools....

VOX POPS

1.
BLOKE:Whoever said sarcasm is the lowest form of wit has obviously never seen James Corden's World Cup Live.

2.
MAN:I think Barrack Obama was wrong to say Tony Hayward should be fired. Personally I would deep fry him - get rid of some of that oil.

3.
YOUTH:The missus and I were on an all inclusive deal in Mexico. It was great, the seafood was a bit oily though.

4.
OLD LADY:Those posters are everywhere aren't they: 'Everything must go', 'Everything reduced', 'At least 20% off'. I just don't think they are appropriate in the Job Centre.

5.
GEEZER:I can't believe Fabio let the England players have a pint before the Slovenia game. I thought they'd had enough boo's after the Algeria match.

6.
ANGRY WOMAN:It surprises me Nick Clegg wasn't on that boat with Tony Hayward. He needs one now that he's sold his party down the river.

Comments?

Quote: jayaitch @ June 25 2010, 8:48 PM BST

OLD LADY:Those posters are everywhere aren't they: 'Everything must go', 'Everything reduced', 'At least 20% off'. I just don't think they are appropriate in the Job Centre.

View original

This one is really good

Dan

Quote: jayaitch @ June 25 2010, 8:48 PM BST

Whoever said sarcasm is the lowest form of wit has obviously never seen James Corden's World Cup Live.

View original

Gag of the week for me

Quote: jayaitch @ June 25 2010, 8:48 PM BST

Some great stuff as per usual from you forumers... Here is my collection loose stools....

VOX POPS

1.
BLOKE:Whoever said sarcasm is the lowest form of wit has obviously never seen James Corden's World Cup Live.

2.
MAN:I think Barrack Obama was wrong to say Tony Hayward should be fired. Personally I would deep fry him - get rid of some of that oil.

4.
OLD LADY:Those posters are everywhere aren't they: 'Everything must go', 'Everything reduced', 'At least 20% off'. I just don't think they are appropriate in the Job Centre.

5.
GEEZER:I can't believe Fabio let the England players have a pint before the Slovenia game. I thought they'd had enough boo's after the Algeria match.

Comments?

View original

I thought they were really good.
Especially the 4 above.

Thank for your kind words. If I could only send them to newsjack by the correct deadline I might improve my chances! Maybe. Possibly. God knows what made me think it was Wed at 12 for vox pops.

No that's still the correct deadline just post them up here the Sunday before so we can check them first.

Well it was worth a try.

I thought the deadline was tuesday at 5 ?

I was just kidding in the hope that I could steal a couple of yours

A Volunteer in a charity groin wax almost lost his left testicle... a Brazilian ripping into the Nuts, isn't that Pele vs Maradona?

I'd have done that as:

"What do you mean a volunteer in a charity groin wax almost lost his left testicle? Pull the other one."

As a teacher, I'm strongly in favour of sex education in primary schools. The pupils have taught me loads about the facts of life.

I hear the government want to create free schools out of shops. I'm thinking of setting one up in my fish and chip shop.

No, the proposed minimum price per unit for alcohol won't really affect me. I'm a shoplifter.

Straight after that really boring England v Algeria match, my husband screamed insults at the TV. He's not a lover of James Corden.

I see a bird settled on our opponent's goal in the England v Algeria match. I guess it thought it was the safest place to nest.

Blooming recession. I've just been laid off. I worked in a factory making piggy banks, but they had to let me go because there's no money in it.

Newsjack would like to apologise for the devastation caused by the recent BP oil spill. Somebody's got to.

Newsjack would like to apologise for James Corden. Sorry.

and then some Miles one-liners:

Since splitting from her fiance, Charlotte Church has been innundated with offers. The best one being £50 for her engagement ring.

Rachael was the first housemate to be evicted from the Big Brother house. No? I haven't the foggiest idea either.

A new game is being developed where players can learn the dance moves of Michael Jackson. It will also give you the option to look after Michael like a virtual pet. But be warned. If you don't feed him, put him to bed or give him the correct dose of medication, he will die.

I've had a lot of letters lately from listeners mistaking me for Angus Deayton. Um. Just for the record, I'm nothing like the man. I'm much more handsome, I've never dabbled in coke, and the incident involving myself and Madame Whipfrenzy, a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs and a tub of industrial size Swarfega was never proved.

Quote: Mikey Jackson @ June 26 2010, 12:31 PM BST

Newsjack would like to apologise for the devastation caused by the recent BP oil spill. Somebody's got to.

Newsjack would like to apologise for James Corden. Sorry.

View original

Liked these two very much.

More great stuff all round folks! I went for a less is more approach this week. It wasn't.

We would like to apologise to Ivory Coast manager Sven Goran Eriksson and state that he did not say Kaka was the best Brazilian team captain. He said the team captain with the best Brazilian was UlriKaka ka ka!

We would like to apologise to our audience for any disappointment they may have suffered but we should make it clear James Corden is only appearing as a guest on 'Inside Nature's Giants'.

Nike have paid Maria Sharapova seventy million dollars! She hasn't won anything in years! What are they asking her to do, sleep with Michael Jackson?

Right so, the O2 network sent a letter addressed to a Mr Pedo File to a woman called Zowie Sharples. Well he must have been angry that they sent his letter to such an obvious fake name?

Some nice one there Mikey, but you seem to hate MJ more than me.

Is it the name thing?

Yes. I've had people shouting "Thriller" at me all my life.
It makes a person very bitter.

Episode three failures:

VOX POPS

1.
TEENAGER: When I heard Obama fired McChrystal from operations in Afghanistan I just presumed it was some sort of weapon.

2.
OLD LADY: So National Rail bosses are on track for a £2 million bonus. I got fined for doing that!

3.
AFGHAN MAN: Why is it taking five years for you British to leave my Afghanistan? Day one at Wimbledon and your all but out.

4.
MAN: What? I can't retire till I'm sixty-six? My mechanic says they need fixed now.

5.
SCOTSMAN: So Cameron wants us to retire at sixty-six? Typical English: always going on about sixty-bloody-six.

.
Barrymore vox pop

REPORTERo Mr Barrymore, you agree with Conservative plans to encourage unemployed people to move out of poverty 'hot spots'?

MICHAEL BARRYMORE:
Oh absolutely, after all: what's a Hot Spot not?

CROWDSHOUTING AND CHEERING) A good spot!

End of Barrymore Vox pop

END