Gordon and Sarah

Gordon and Sarah - by Phil McNutty

Scene 1.

Atmos:INT. FRONT ROOM. SEMI-DETACHED HOUSE. DAY

FX:A CHILD SOBBING LOUDLY UPSTAIRS.
DOOR OPENS. KEYS PLACED DOWN ON SIDE

Sarah:Gordon what's wrong with John? Why's he crying?

Gordon:He's a baby, that's why.

Sarah:What have you done to him?

GordonINCREDULOUS) What've I done? He was the one who knocked the tower down.

Sarah:This thing?

Gordon:I'll have you know Sarah that this was a detailed replica of the Tower of London...
Until that careless oaf destroyed it.

Sarah:I'm sure it was a genuine mistake.

Gordon:How can you be sure Sarah? You weren't here. You didn't see what he did. I knew it was going to happen. I said to him, 'leave this part to Daddy'

Sarah:Whatever he did, you should not have made him cry.

GordonIt's not my fault he's got such a pathetically low pain threshold. He needs to toughen up. The world's a cruel place. People won't tolerate a sissy.

Sarah:I don't need this Gordon. I've got my tweeting to do. What am I going to type: 'Busy scolding house-husband over stupid spat with son. More later?' My followers do not want to hear that kind of thing.

Gordon:Followers? Who do you think you are Sarah? I led these people. I was in charge of this great nation.

Sarah: That's over now Gordon. In case you haven't noticed, we're not in Number 10 any more.

Gordon:Fine. Far be it from me and the boys to come between you and your twitter family.

SarahAt least I'm trying to keep us on people's radars. Someone needs to maintain our media presence.

Gordon:I joined that chat-group.

Sarah:It's called a ROOM Gordon. A chat-ROOM.
Gordon:Whatever. I joined it.

Sarah:You were barred from the site after two hours for foul and abusive language.

FX: CHILD'S CRYING GETTINGLOUDER

Gordon:Well maybe they should have barred those other folks for their backwards views on immigration.
(SHOUTING)
If you don't shut up, I'm going to come up those stairs and...

Sarah:Gordon!

FADE.

SCENE 2.

ATMOS:INT. PARKED CAR.

FX:CAR DOOR OPENS. MANCLIMBS ONTO SEAT, DOOR SHUTS. SEAT BELT FASTENING. MAN LETS OUT SATISFIED SIGH
Sarah: BAFFLED) Gordon. What are you doing?

Gordon:What do you mean?

Sarah:Why are you getting in the back?

Gordonh for goodness' sake.

FXOOR OPENS AND THENSLAMS SHUT. FRONT DOOR OPENS AND MAN CLIMBS IN BREATHLESSLY. SEAT BELTBEING YANKEDREPEATEDLY AND JAMMING SEVERAL TIMES.

Gordon:Come on you stupid thing.

Sarah:You have to do it slowly.

Gordon:It's broken. Who designed these wretched things?

Sarah:That's how they work. Any sudden movement...
Stop rolling your eyes and let's get going or we're going to be late.

FX:THE SEATBELT IS RELEASED AND WHIZZES BACK TO ITSRESTING POSITION.

Gordon:Fine.

FX:IGNITION FIRES. CLICK OFHANDBRAKE ANDPROLONGED GRINDING OFGEARS

Sarah: The clutch, Gordon. The clutch.

Gordon:I don't remember it being this complicated. It's the 20th century and we're still using pedals. Its absurd, Sarah. Just absurd.

Sarah:Look, it's been a few years. You'll get back in the swing of it.

FX: GEAR STICK SLIPPING INTO GEAR FOLLOWED BY GENTLE THROTTLE.

Gordon:Ah that's the stuff. You never lose it.

FX:LENGTHY BLAST OF HORN.

Man: (SHOUTING) (OFF) Watch it yalunatic!

Gordonh shut up. I've still got connections, you know. I can have the Inland Revenue breathing down your neck as quick as...

Sarahut your fist down Gordon. He's gone.

Gordon:Not for long.

FXCREECH OF TYRES. CARACCELERATES AWAY

FADE.

In my haste to actually post the script, I forgot to add my question -
Would this kind of thing be suitable for NewsJack?

Cheers

McNutty.

It's a nice bit of character comedy but lacks a certain amount of punch and I don't think they'd do 2 scenes.