Here's a quickie for you to enjoy or rip to shreads (constructively of course).
UNNATURAL TENDENCIES
A radio sketch by Michael Monkhouse
OPENING MUSIC.
INTERVIEWER: Welcome to ‘Crook and Fanny’, Radio 4’s local sexual deviance programme. My guest tonight prefers to remain anonymous, so we’ll call him Bill… Hello Bill.
BILL (shy): Hi.
INTERVIEWER: Bill when did you first become aware of your heterosexual tendencies?
BILL: It was at a party at university. I had a bit to drink, got chatting to an attractive lady and – and held her hand.
INTERVIEWER: How did she react?
BILL: She was fine. Gave me a first in my next essay.
INTERVIEWER: But how did you feel?
BILL: I felt terribly ashamed. I come from a very tradionalist background – my father’s a vicar, my mother’s a Liberal MP, my brother’s a raving bender… But I also felt relieved. I felt I was rebelling against my boarding school education.
INTERVIEWER: And this encouraged you to come out?
BILL: Yes but gradually. It was difficult at first – people called me names: straight boy, breast-fondler, vag-stuffer… Even DJ: you know the expression ‘to flip over and play the B-side’?
INTERVIEWER: Alas, yes... So you’re now a practising heterosexual?
BILL: Yes but I’m getting better at it…. Last night I kissed a girl with tongues…
INTERVIEWER: I’m sorry?
BILL: With hammer and tongs and…
INTERVIEWER: I’ll have to stop you there.
BILL: Sorry.
INTERVIEWER: Thank you for your courage and listeners, if you’d like to contact Bill, check out his ad in your nearest phone booth, or see a psychiatrist.
CLOSING MUSIC.
