British Comedy Guide

Cannon Fodder

ON THE BATTLEMENTS OF A CASTLE. THE SOUNDS OF BATTLE REVERBERATE AROUND. A GROUP OF SOLDIERS ARE MANNING A CANNON. SMOKE DRIFTS ACROSS THE SCENE.

CAPTAIN BRINGS HIS ARM DOWN FORCEFULLY:
Fire!

THE CANNON FIRES.

THE WORRIED-LOOKING CAPTAIN TURNS TO A SOLDIER AND HANDS HIM A SCROLL.

THE SOLDIER SALUTES AND EXITS.

CUT TO: SOLDIER EXITING THE CASTLE ON HORSEBACK, GALLOPING INTO THE DISTANCE.

A MONTAGE FOLLOWS OF THE SOLDIER RIDING ACROSS SCENERY, OVER VARIOUS FORBIDDING CONDITIONS. FINALLY, LOOKING TIRED, HE ARRIVES AT A COTTAGE. THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WALL.

THE SOLDIER USED THE DOOR KNOCKER, THEN GENTLY PUSHES THE DOOR OPEN AND ENTERS.

A MAN LIES SLUMPED AGAINST THE WALL, CRADLING A CANNON BALL IN HIS LIFELESS HANDS. A CRYING PEASANT WOMAN SITS BESIDE.

SOLDIER (HANDING HER THE SCROLL):
Hi...I'm really sorry about this, but could we have our ball back please?

HE PICKS THE CANNONBALL UP AND GENTLY BACKS AWAY. THE WOMAN CRIES HARDER.

:D

Cute.

:D Good premise RobO but IMHO the last line is a bit weak. Maybe something like: (sheepishly)At least now you've got a window.

I think you could do away with the last line completely or he could just apologise then tip-toe out.

Great one-liner; slightly Python-esque.

Agree with Adam about the last line, cut it - and finish on the punch!

Thanks for your thoughts. Have edited to remove the last line. Had thought the total disregard for her husband's death and just apologising/her being angry about the window might be an added joke, but seems it's unneccessary and distracting. Thanks

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