Hello there!
Just discovered this place and thought I'd send you a sample of the rubbish I come up with. I posted this on the old 4laughs site before I knew this place existed...release the hounds.
The BBC complaints division. We hear a phone ring.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Hello BBC complaints.
OLD LADY:
Yes hello there. Oh just a minute I've dropped my biscuit.
We hear the sound of her rummaging around.
CALL ATTENDANT:
What seems to be the problem?
OLD LADY:
I can't reach my biscuit. It's fallen under my chair.
CALL ATTENDANT:
No I mean what exactly is the complaint?
OLD LADY:
Well I've just taken a bite out of it and the other half slipped out of my hand and now it's disappeared.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Yes I'm aware of that but this is the complaints division of the BBC, you've just phoned us up. Is there something you wanted to discuss?
OLD LADY:
As a matter of fact there is. I'm ringing about a programme I saw last night that made me physically sick. I have never in all my life seen a programme show such a blatant disregard for it's audience.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Okay what was the name of the programme?
OLD LADY:
It was called 'The Naked Truth'.
CALL ATTENDANT:
I see, and what time was this programme on?
OLD LADY:
I believe it started at around 10 o clock.
CALL ATTENDANT:
And you are aware that it's after the watershed?
OLD LADY:
I'm well aware that it was past the watershed and I couldn't care less. I have been waiting weeks to see that programme and when I saw it I was repulsed.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Okay and what exactly was wrong with it?
OLD LADY:
What was wrong with it? Well I should think that obvious...there were no tits in it.
CALL ATTENDANT:
I'm sorry?
OLD LADY:
And so you should be.
CALL ATTENDANT:
How old are you madam?
OLD LADY:
I'm 75, not that that's any of your business.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Do you really think that you should be calling about things like that?
OLD LADY:
How dare you. Just because I happen to be an older lady doesn't mean I don't like looking at tits, and the bigger the better I say.
The call attendant shows discomfort.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Do you have to keep calling them that?
OLD LADY:
Why shouldn't I refer to them as that? That's discrimination that is and just the sort of thing I would expect from such a shoddy organisation. A programme with that title should have at least a smidgen of boob action in it. What you don't understand is that programmes like that are the only outlet for people of my age and persuasion and to have my enjoyment of all things breasty taken away from me like that is an outrage.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Okay madam thanks for the ca..
OLD LADY:
(interrupting)
I only hope that I'm not as dissapointed with tonight's programme about cock fighting.
CALL ATTENDANT:
Right that's fine I'll log the call and we'll see what can be done about it.
OLD LADY:
And another thing. You seem to be the only channel that doesn't show tits...let alone fannies, which is ironic really as the schedule seems to be choc full of cun....
The call attendant hangs up the phone.
