EXT. QUIET VILLAGE HIGH STREET - DAY
TARQUIN (30's, DISHEVELLED, 'HIPPYISH') STANDS BEHIND A TABLE WITH PICTURES OF INJURED AND MAIMED ANIMALS DRAPED DOWN. HE LOOKS AROUND AND, NOTICING THERE IS NO ONE ABOUT, FLOPS BACK DEJECTEDLY IN TO HIS CHAIR AND PACKS AWAY LEAFLETS. RONALD (30's, GILET AND FLATCAP-WEARING TOFF) APPEARS FROM NOWHERE
RONALD
Wonderful job you're doing here.
TARQUIN
What, really?
RONALD
Yes, of course. You can't bally well go around shooting everything in sight, can you?
TARQUIN
Exactly! If only everyone else thought the same around here. Would you like to take a pamphlet? We're looking for more people to join the cause.
TARQUIN GOES TO HAND RONALD A PAMPHLET. RONALD SUDDENLY POINTS A SHOTGUN TO THE SKY ABOVE TARQUIN AND SHOOTS. A BIRD LANDS ON THE TABLE.
RONALD
Er, yes, I will take one. Thanks.
RONALD TAKES THE PAMPHLET, FLICKS THROUGH IT WHILST TARQUIN STARES AT HIM AGHAST.
TARQUIN
What the f**k are you doing?!
RONALD
Just trying to see if it mentions how to donate money.
TARQUIN
No; I mean this! (HOLDS UP DEAD BIRD)
RONALD
Oh, they're just sky rats.
TARQUIN
It's a collared dove!
RONALD
Same difference, laddy. (CLAPS HIS HANDS TOGETHER) So is there any way I can help?
TARQUIN SNATCHES THE PAMPHLET AWAY.
TARQUIN
You could start by not shooting birds out of the sky!
RONALD
I've got money; I could help you build a rehabilitation centre!
TARQUIN
Well, it's too late for this poor thing.
TARQUIN CRADLES THE BIRD. RONALD QUICKLY TURNS AROUND AND BLASTS HIS GUN.
RONALD
Go on, boy!
CUT TO:
A JACK RUSSELL SHAKING A RABBIT IN HIS MOUTH.
CUT TO:
RONALD
Come on boy; that's it bring it to Ronald. (BENDS DOWN; HIS ARM SHAKES MADLY) That's going to be my dinner, let go of it you little sod! (HE RISES WITH RABBIT IN HAND) Good boy.
TARQUIN
You sicken me. Get out of my sight.
RONALD
That's no way to talk to me; I'm trying to help.
TARQUIN
Help?! (HOLDS UP DOVE AND RABBIT)
RONALD
I'm looking to donate a very large sum of money; you can't look a gift horse in the mouth.
TARQUIN
You'd probably shoot that as well! Why do you want to help us anyway?
RONALD
Well, If it weren't for good people like yourself there'd be nothing left to shoot. (BEAT) And the injured ones are always an easier shot.
TARQUIN
Look just go! We don't want your blood money.
RONALD
Fine, have it your way!
RONALD SNATCHES THE RABBIT AND DOVE THEN EXITS. TARQUIN SHAKES HIS HEAD AND CLEARS THINGS AWAY. A SHOTGUN BLAST IS HEARD, TARQUIN LOOKS UP.
CUT TO:
RONALD DRAGGING AN OLD LADY COVERED IN BLOOD DOWN THE ROAD WITH THE RABBIT AND DOVE UNDER HIS ARMS.
END OF SKETCH
Thanks. 
