Draft 2
MARK IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY TONY AND TINA PSYCHIATRISTS
TONY
So in your own time Mark tell us what you see in the ink blot.
TINA
Don't think too much, just come straight out with it.
MARK LOOKS AT THE INK BLOTS, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND GETS ON WITH IT.
MARK
Ok this one looks like my dog Chester, such a good boy.
TINA SCRATCHES ALL OVER AND LOOKS NERVOUS. TONY PINCHES HIS NOSE AND LOOKS A LITTLE STRESSED.
TONY
Ok then. Next card.
MARK
I think it's a flower, a rose actually. That's bit a cliched isn't it?
TONY LOOKS A LITTLE MORE PAINED. TINA'S SCRATCHING MORE ACTIVELY NOW.
TONY.
Riiight a flower? A rose? Tina stop that.
TINA
Shut up.
TONY
Next card please.
MARK
Sorry. I'm so sorry. (TONY LOOKS EXCITED). But this one's just an ink blob to me.
TONY
What's the matter with you? Are you feeling ok?
MARK
Erm yes fine, why?
TINA SCRATCHES MORE MANICALLY.
TONY
Mark I've just shown you a picture of me; with a clothes peg on my penis, me walking in on my mum and uncle Tony and a massive picture of (SHUDDERS) her vagina. Look it's staring at me.
MARK
Really? They just look like blobs to me. I made the stuff up about Chester and the rose.
TINA
And how can you be so calm?
MARK
I drink herbal tea.
TINA
But the cockroaches...the cockroaches. They're crawling all over you, crawling all over me. And yet you sit there watching them crawl into your nose.
TONY
Tina shut up already. There are no cockroaches!
TINA
But they're in your hair? You're in league with them.
TONY
No they're not. Mothers makes me wash my hair 7 times a day. I'm such a dirty boy.
TINA SLAPS AT TONY'S HEAD.
TINA
You're both crazy. You men and your cockroaches ganging up on me.
TONY
Get off me you whore. My mother warned me about women like you.
TINA AND TONY WRESTLE OVER TURNING THE DESK.
MARK WALKS OUT OF THE OFFICE. HE LOOKS AT JENNY WAIT FOR HIM
JENNY
Did they help you with your nihilism?
MARK PULLS A LARGE COCKROACH FROM HIS NOSE AND SLOWLY EATS IT APPARENTLY ENJOYING IT'S WRIGGLING (IT'S ABOUT 6 INCHES LONG HE BITES A BIT OFF AT A TIME LIKE IT WAS A WRIGGLING MARS BAR). HE LOOKS AT ONE OF THE INK BLOTS WITH A FILTHY EXPRESSION, AND RUBS HIS KNEE THEN HIS GROIN.
JENNY
But why Mark? Why? What was the point of that?
MARK
What's the point of anything?
Draft1
MARK IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY TONY AND TINA PSYCHIATRISTS
TONY
So in your own time Mark tell me what you see in the ink blot.
TINA
Don't think too much, just come straight out with it. We won't judge you.
MARK LOOKS AT THE INK BLOTS, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND GETS ON WITH IT.
MARK
Ok this one looks like my dog Chester, that's a rose, that's just an ink blot sorry.
TINA SCRATCHES ALL OVER AND LOOKS NERVOUS.
TONY
Sorry but are you feeling ok?
MARK
Erm yes fine, why?
TINA SCRATCHES MORE MANICALLY.
TONY
Mark I've just shown you a poorly drawn picture of my mother's vagina, my mother punishing me with a clothes peg...
TINA
And the cockroaches, the cockroaches. They're crawling all over you, crawling all over me. And yet you sit there watching them crawl into your nose.
TONY
Mark you seem to be an incurable psychopath.
TINA
Look Mark I mean they're in Tony's hair.
TONY
No they're not. Mothers makes me wash my hair 7 times a day, I'm such a dirty boy.
TINA SLAPS AT TONY'S HEAD.
TONY
Get off me you whore. My mother warned me about women like you.
TINA AND TONY WRESTLE OVER TURNING THE DESK.
MARK WALKS OUT OF THE OFFICE. HE LOOKS AT A MAN WAITING TO GO IN.
MARK
Those 2 are bleeding cracked.
MARK PULLS A LARGE COCKROACH FROM HIS NOSE AND SLOWLY EATS IT APPARENTLY ENJOYING IT'S WRIGGLING. HE LOOKS AT ONE OF THE INK BLOTS WITH A FILTHY EXPRESSION.
