My internet cartoon

Hello

Once again I'm back after a long absence, again due to the amount of work I've been doing, however, I've been doing a lot of animation recently and I have really developed my skills at this, so what I want to do now, probably starting this week, is to start making short comedy cartoons and pit'em on sites like YouTube.

So which of these do you think I should start off with:

SKETCH 1. OBSESSIVE COMPULSION DISORDER
INT: DOCTOR'S ROOM
DOCTOR:
I'm afraid your wife has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: it's an irrational fear that compels her to turn every light switch on and off five times. Once she gets an idea into her head, no matter how absurd, she's unable to stop the compulsion.
SHOCKED HUSBAND TURNS TO HIS WIFE.
WIFE:
It's true.
WIFE BREAKS DOWN AND CRIES.
HUSBAND:
(TO DOCTOR) Can it be cured?
DOCTOR:
I am afraid not.
HUSBAND TURNS TO WIFE.
HUSBAND:
You know ... if you don't have sex with me five times a day, you'll die.
WIFE STOPS CRYING AND LOOKS UP IN SHOCK.
HUSBAND:
And if there's no anal ... (FROWNS)... the kids ...
HUSBAND DRAWS FINGER ACROSS THROAT.
WIFE LOOKS STUNNED. THE DOCTOR LOOKS SHOCKED BUT SLOWLY RAISES TWO APPROVING THUMBS.
END SKETCH.

SKETCH 2. BAN THE RACISTS
INT: DAY - CONFERENCE ROOM. REPRESENTATIVES OF DIFFERENT RACES SIT AT A TABLE. A WHITE WOMAN ADDRESSES THE MEETING.
WOMAN:
Today we've been given an opportunity to erase all the racially abusive words from our language, words so offensive that they'll now carry a life sentence. So please, let's begin by nominating words to ban.
AN ASIAN MAN STANDS.
ASIAN MAN:
Paki.
A MURMER OF AGREEMENT. THE ASIAN MAN SITS. A BLACK MAN STANDS.
BLACK MAN:
Nigger.
MORE MURMERS OF AGREEMENT. THE BLACK MAN SITS. A WHITE MAN WITH RED HAIR STANDS.
RED HEAD MAN:
Ginga.
THE MAN LOOKS AROUND EXPECTING AGREEMENT BUT THERE'S SILENCE.
WOMAN:
Don't be so f**king stupid, ya ginger twat.
THE TABLE ERUPTS IN AGREEMENT.
BLACK MAN:
Yeah, f**k off ginger pubes.
ASIAN MAN:
Carrot wanker.
WOMAN:
You've been tango'd.
INSULTS CONTINUE AS THE MAN BOWS HIS HEAD AND EXITS.
END SKETCH.

SKETCH 3. THE PARK
EXT: WOODS. CGI OR PUPPET SQUIRRELS GATHER AROUND THEIR LEADER.
SQUIRREL:
We're hungry and the nuts have gone, what'll we do?
LEADER:
I've heard a human talking about a place where there are loads of nuts!
CUT TO: INT: A LIVING ROOM.
KID:
Dad, can you take us to the park?
DAD REACTS WITH HORROR.
DAD:
Um, sorry, can't Sam.
KID:
Why not?
FLASHBACK. EXT: WOODS. DAD WANDERS AT NIGHT, LOOKING FOR ADULT ACTIVITIES.
DAD:
(SOFT) Hello, is anybody there?
BUSHES RUSTLE. DAD SHINES HIS TORCH AND SPIES A MAN IN A DIRTY MAC, A HAT CONCEALS HIS FACE. DELIGHTED, DAD PRANCES OVER. THE OTHER MAN IS SILENT BUT POINTS TO DAD'S GROIN.
DAD UNZIPS HIS FLIES AND CHECKS THE REACTION OF THE OTHER MAN. HIS EXPRESSION TURNS TO HORROR. THE MUTE MAN OPENS HIS MAC LIKE A FLASHER TO REVEAL SQUIRRELS IN DISGUISE. THEIR EYES GLOW EVIL RED.
LEADER:
Get his nuts!
DAD SCREAMS AND IS CHASED THROUGH THE WOODS AS SQUIRRELS LEAP ON HIS NECK AND LEGS IN VIOLENT (WATERSHIP DOWN) MANNER.
END SKETCH.

SKETCH 4: Two men at a bar, a customer and the bar tender, and a big dog

CUSTOMER: (To the barman) Does your dog bite?

BARMAN: No

The man goes to stroke dog, who promptly bites off his hand, leaving a bloodied stump

CUSTOMER: ARGH! I though you said your dog doesn't bite!

BARMAN: That's not my dog
END SKETCH

Originally I planned to go with the UN ginger sketch, but now I'm not sure, maybe OCD or the park would be better?

Isn't 4 from one of the Pink Panthers?

None of them jump out to me as particulrily well suited to a short animation, they all have either a lot of characters and scene changes which adds a big overhead. Or are just talking people and therefore not making the most of the medium (admittedly a crime I've fallen for over and over again!!).

I'd go for the Squirrels one. Everyone likes Squirrels!!

Edit: I should add I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

The first two don't have any scene changes, and I thought they might be good as a first cartoon because they're basically just talkies, but once I've got into it a bit I'll start gettin more adventurous with the animation.

I agree on a visual front the squirrels one would probably be best, as you could do some nice shots with that, but I think I'll make that my number 2

You're not going to want to hear this, Scott, but none of these is particularly good. Actually, the last one is but it's a very old joke.

Aside from the fact that they're not particularly funny, the first two don't really justify being animated. If you're going to go a route that allows infinite possibilities, why do a bog-standard doctor sketch? How interesting is it going to be to watch three cartoon characters sat in a room talking? Think bigger I say.

Sorry, but all things considered, I'd recommend spending a bit more time at the writing before you commit yourself to spending hour upon hour hunched over an animating suite.

Thanks for the feedback David. Thats the thing, I don't wanna spend ages doing a cartoon if its not funny before I even start.

Well the squirrel one would be more visually interesting, or how about this one?

SKETCH 5. THE ALMIGHTY FOOTBALL FAN
EXT: PARK. A FOOTBALL FAN IN A RED FOOTBALL SHIRT RUNS THROUGH A PARK, CHASED BY YOBS IN BLUE FOOTBALL SHIRTS. THE YOBS CARRY BATS AND KNIVES.
YOB 1:
United scum.
YOB 2:
Kill him.
THE CHASED MAN JUMPS OVER A HEDGE AND HIDES. HE'S LOST THE YOBS FOR A MOMENT BUT THEY HAVEN'T GIVEN UP LOOKING FOR HIM. THE MAN PUTS HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND PRAYS.
CHASED MAN:
God, help me please.
THERE'S A BLAST OF WHITE LIGHT AND A HUGE MAN, IN WHITE ROBES, WITH A WHITE BEARD STANDS BEFORE HIM.
CHASED MAN:
Oh God, thank you. You've come to save me.
THE MAN THROWS HIMSELF AT GOD'S FEET, BUT GOD KICKS HIM AWAY. THE MAN LOOKS UP IN SURPRISE. GOD RIPS OPEN HIS ROBES TO REVEAL A BLUE FOOTBALL SHIRT.
GOD:
You're f**ked, Sunshine. (TO RIVAL FANS) Hey, lads. He's over here, lets get him!
END SKETCH.

I would happily consider working with another sketch writer if someone can come up with something better, its more the cartoon I'm interested in doing.

I changed my vote. That one's much, much better!

What software do you use Scott? Did you work on some of Gavin's stuff? if so I remember liking that.

Quote: Scott Evans @ May 17 2010, 12:00 PM BST

Thats the thing, I don't wanna spend ages doing a cartoon if its not funny before I even start.

View original

Yep! That sucks!

My brother is a 3D designer, I created the concept designs for Gavin and my brother created the 3D work, that was probably almost 5 years ago now.

I use FLASH, which means you don't have to spend hours hunched over the animation table as David said, you can rig your characters quite well, which almost makes them like puppets, and its a case of positioning them. What program do you use ShoePie?

I use Anime Studio Pro. which has a lot of the same features.

I've got that, never looked at it though, that seems more for old school trad animation, though I might be totally wrong. I do like the 'cheats' of tweening animation, though I do a mix of tweens and frame by frame

I've already got an animation of a guy running (from side shot, to front shot), so that could get used in animi, I'd just need to design some thugs chasing him, and God

However, now that I'm back on the site, like I said above, I'd be interested in working with other people create a cartoon as a group project, I might start a new thread up for it. Cos I'd like to work on something that could start out as short cartoons but move onto something longer with set characters. Another idea I had was have a show based on a family who runs a crappy seaside pub and based the show on what happens to them and there customers. In fact I've already got a bar scene and characters (a barman, landlord and bouncer) designed in Flash, which I did years ago, wouldnt take me long to rig them up

I've moved this discussion to here https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/17687/