Final Round of a Quiz

TERRY/PRESENTER:
Welcome to a quiz that we're into the last round of. First off we have my nephew Sidney Wellington. His specialist round is: 'The life of Sidney Wellington'.

And Peter Tights. His specialist round is 'Tar and other macadams'.

Sidney my lovely nephew you are on 4 points going into the last round. Peter is on 11 so you really have to do well in your specialist round and your minute starts... What is your middle name?

SID:
Waste.

TER:
Correct. When were you born?

SID:
Pass.

TER:
No. When were you given birth to?

SID:
Dunno.

TER:
When did you begin? When did you come about? On what date did the beginning of you..begin?

SID:
Oh, 8/7/90.

TER:
Correct..and your minute starts now. Between the ages of 9 and 7 something life changing happened to you. Can you tell us what this was?

SID:
My skin became corduroy.

TER:
Correct. During this period what sound did your skin make when you walked?

SID:
Vuuuup, vuuuup, vuuuup.

TER:
Correct. And when you ran?

SID:
Vup,vup,vup,vup.

TER:
Correct. And when you sat?

SID:
???

TER:
Correct. You were in Cork in 2009. What famous landmark had a strange effect on you and what way did it make you react? A point for both...or neither.

SID:
I seemed to have a strange attraction to the Blarney stone. First off I kissed it but I could not stop there and I ended up getting off with it.

TER:
Correct and correct. 'Fishnet stockings and chickens for as far as the eye could see', is an excerpt taken from your favourite book. Name that book?

SID:
Chicken Licken and the Whores of Atlantis.

TER:
Correct. You have one brother, can you name him?

SID:
Kenneth.

TER:
...I'll accept it. Although the correct answer is Wallace. Theres the buzzer and your minute is up....which means we only have time for 2 more questions. True or false an owl was once reduced to tears after you pee'd into its nest.

SID.
False.

TER:
Have another go.

SID:
True.

TER:
Correct. Your 1st car was an Aston....

SID:
Yes.

TER:
No finish the sentence. Your 1st car was an Aston....

SID:
Car.

TER:
Your 1st car was an Aston what? An Aston what?

SID:
Villa?

TER:
It sounds like 'carton'.

SID:
Spartan.

TER:
It's a name?

SID:
Tartan.

TER:
Did you just say Martin?

SID:
No.

TER:
You did I think. Yes you said Martin. Correct. Sidney you have got all your questions right and got an astonishing 12 in that round which moves you up to 16. Peter you are on 11 so you need 6 to win and bear in mind the average is 5. Your specialist round (quietly) which begins now...is on Tar and other macadams. Are you ready?..

PETER:
Yes

TER:
Then I will begin asking you the 1st question....then the 2nd and so on....You said you were ready did'nt you?

PETER:
Yes. I am ready.

TER:
Great. Then we will begin... Who was the inventor of solid roads of which tarmac roads were derived?

PETER:
John Loudon McAdam.

TER:
Correct. Rachel McAdams is in a film...........................

PETER:
Um...I-I know?

TER:
Incorrect. I was looking for 'yes', 'yes' she is in a film.

Name 4 of her films?

PETER:
The Notebook, The Wedding Crashers, Sherlock Holmes and.......Red Eye.

TER:
Can we accept it? You said 'The' Wedding Crashers. They are saying we can. Wow, you got lucky there.

Tar is?

PETER:
Am......what?

TER:
I'm going to have to pass it over....

PETER:
Pass it over? It's my question!

TER:
(angrily) Tar is what?!

PETER:
......Modified resin.

TER:
Shit! I mean, yes.

What else can tar be used for? (asked very quickly in the hope that Peter would not understand)

PETER:
Water repellant for boats and rooves.

TER:
Prick-illiant. Well done. They say I asked you that too fast so we have to slow it down.

Tar...macadam...is....a....type...of...road...surface...can....you...name...4...other...types

PETER:
Christ!

Concrete
Brick
Cobblestone
Asphalt Concrete

TER:
For the same point. Name another 5?

PETE:
Gravel road
Ice road
Chipseal
Composite pavements
Whitetopping

TER:
Cor...rect. And your time is just about up. (looking at timer) 30, 19, 14, 12, 11...

PETER:
Theres plenty of time for another question.

TER:
No. It's just up now. And the results are in its 16 each but because Sidney got 16 1st he is the clear winner. 8, 4, 3, 2, 1.

THE TIMER EXPLODES BLOWING THE PRESENTER UP.

The basic idea is not groundbreaking, but the surreal touches are very funny indeed.

I agree not the most original of subject matter but I thought the content of the questions would be enough to distance it from a normal quiz. Cheers for the comment.

That was not really intended as a criticism, just an observation. I thought the handling was terrifically inventive.

Though on a slight quibble I think asphalt concrete is a synonym for tarmac. (You could probably get away with that one.)

I liked the 'my skin became corduroy' line.

You are fond of the long sketches Otterfox.

Quote: Timbo @ May 16 2010, 11:23 PM BST

That was not really intended as a criticism, just an observation. I thought the handling was terrifically inventive.

Though on a slight quibble I think asphalt concrete is a synonym for tarmac. (You could probably get away with that one.)

View original

I can see what you're saying re the sketch. I didnt take what you said as a criticism. You gave me constructive feedback which is exactly what I was looking for.

'Asphalt concrete is a synonym for tarmac': Now youre just being pedantic

TO NIGEL K:

Thanks for the feedback. I was happy with that corduroy line alright. And yes I have been trying to trim down the length of my sketches but it doesn't seem to be working out too well for me. Are you ready for the new GAA season. I'm looking forward to Tipperary v. Cork in the hurling at the end of the month.

I don't go a bomb on this it is a bit too long and the surrealism is just to random. Maybe if it was a definitive character like Genghis Khan cheating at a quiz? Also by making the tarmac expert go second you've given the punch away. I mean you could save that in my opinion by really ramping up how mean the quiz host is?

This did make me laugh
And confuse the Bejesus out of me at the same time.
So job done!