NICK CLEGG IS AT A SHOP TALKING TO A SHOP KEEPER
NICK
Ah hello my good man I have some very important things to buy for the government. I'm the deputy prime minister don't you know.
SHOP
Right that'll be a jumbo box of andrex, 24 johnnies and 15 meat pies.
NICK
No that's John Prescott. Now David Cameron has sent me to buy some urgent supplies for the government.
SHOP
Right you got the list then?
NICK
Let's see I need a tin of tartan paint, a left handed hammer and a long stand.
SHOP
Arf arf he saw you coming old son.
NICK
No he did not. I need these supplies for an urgent job. I'm off to hunt for haggis in scotland and then he's got me doing research into the extremely rare invisible, hiding squirrel of the Isle of White.
SHOP
C'mon Nick you must know he's giving you loads of pointless jobs to keep you out of his hair whilst he rules the country.
NICK
Oh well could be worse?
SHOP
How?
NICK
He could have asked me to try and find my dignity.
