Hi there all
I'm toying about with a wee radio play - maybe sitcom and have laid it all out. My first bash at the dialogue - I've kept it short as I dinnae want to irritate.
All comments, even the borderline violent, are welcomed. I can take it.
Also, I've tried to make it clear, but know that the Castella flits inbetween typical Noir monlogue, and speech.
Thank ye kindly
CASTELLA (narrating)
The drizzle, mixing with eight years grime, oozed down my window pane as I looked across the sleeping city. A distorted vision reflected in the slick. I hadn't shaved in days and, if perspective was to be believed, my nose was bigger than my head. I put a shaking hand to my head as fresh shards of pain stabbed at the pink parts inside. Drink can do bad things to a man and ugly women far, far worse.
FXA knock at the door, followed by it swinging open.
The perfume hit me first, an explosion at the vivisectionists'. Invisible, fragranced fingers whirled me around by the nostrils to see a woman in my office. I rubbed my eyes. This one was real.
MARTINE
Hi.
CASTELLA (N)
I knocked back the last of my drink, only to find there was nothing left. Our eyes locked through the bottom of my empty glass.
CASTELLA
(mumbles )
MARTINE
I'm sorry?
CASTELLA (N)
I took the glass from my mouth and spoke again.
CASTELLA
I said 'Hi'.
MARTINE
People say you're a man who gets things done.
CASTELLA
People say oysters make pearls. Why are you here?
MARTINE
My husband.
CASTELLA
Not me, doll face; I'd remember.
MARTINE
He's having an affair.
CASTELLA (N)
She sat in the broken chair and reached for a tissue. I knocked the box away. It was my last one, and I'd been making do with my sleeve. A tear dropped from her thick eyelash to a thicker top lip, inexplicably broadened with blood-red lipstick.
CASTELLA
Is it the lips?
MARTINE
I'm sorry?
CASTELLA
What can I do about it?
MARTINE
I want you to follow him. You're a private eye, aren't you?
CASTELLA
Was, Big Lips, was. I don't do that anymore.
CASTELLA (N)
She reached into her purse and carefully laid down more green than you'd find on a mouldy Leprechaun's back garden.
MARTINE
Maybe you do? Here's our address. He leaves every night for work at Nine. Follow him. Dress...nice.
CASTELLA (N)
I watched as the words formed between her inflated lips. I hadn't done this sort of thing for years. Truth is, I liked drinking through the day and remembering when things were different. But it didn't come cheap.