ATTAROCK the job seeker.

A WEASELLY JOB CENTRE WORKER (DEN) IS INTERVIEWING ATTAROCK THE DINOSAUR SLAYER

DEN
So Mr Attarrock what have you been doing to seek work in the last 2 weeks?

ATTAROCK
It's Attarrock I have no need of your puny mortal titles!

DEN
Yes but you need our job seekers allowance and our housing benefits. So have you attended any job interviews? Have you been reading the local press?

ATTAROCK
I have no time for such puny mortal concerns. It is only I mighty Attarrock who protects you weaklings from the return of the mighty terror beasts.

DEN
Well that's scarcely a workable job seeking plan is it? And I believe you just admitted to not being actively seeking work.

ATTAROCK
Do you know what a velocaraptor would do to you?

DEN
I don't care they've been extinct for millions of years. I am sending you on a 2 week preparation for work course.

ATTAROCK STORMS OFF.

DEN
Right who's next? Tyra? Tyra? Hi Tyranasaurusrex?

A TYRANOSAURUSREX APPROACHES HIS DESK IT IS POORLY DISGUISED AS A RUDE GIRL

DEN
Eeek!

ATTAROCK RETURNS AND SLAYS THE DINOSAUR IN A VICIOUS BUT EXITING MANNER THAT YOU'D BUY A DVD OF IF IT WAS A SUPER HERO MOVIE (EVEN IF THE MOVIE WAS A BIT SHIT).

ATTAROCK
See you womanly man the terror lizards have returned! I stalked that whily one for 2 weeks, night and day.

DEN
Really?

ATTAROCK
Yes.

DEN
You were not available to work claim closed.

Very good.

Suggest that to make the opening clearer, you change it round to:

DEN
So what have you been doing to seek work in the last 2 weeks Mr Attarock?

ATTAROCK
It's just Attarock I have no need of your puny mortal titles!

Ah the elegance of Timbo as ever thanks.

Enjoyed this, even if the 'crazy character at the job centre' gag is a bit overdone. Like many of your jokes I see this working best in comic form. You could reduce this down to a five panel strip I reckon. Maybe you should start arranging your best sketches by theme and search out an illustrator. Just a thought.

How about adding 'puny' to jobseekser's allowance and housing benefits in Den's second line.

Any sketch that features a tyranosaurus rex 'disguised as a rude girl' was either written by a genius or a madman.

Or both...

But good idea I'll add it.

Quote: David Bussell @ May 13 2010, 12:06 PM BST

Enjoyed this, even if the 'crazy character at the job centre' gag is a bit overdone. Like many of your jokes I see this working best in comic form. You could reduce this down to a five panel strip I reckon. Maybe you should start arranging your best sketches by theme and search out an illustrator. Just a thought.

View original

Now that is a good idea. I'll just need to fit some more deadbolts to the outside of my cellar...I mean studio

The setting could be chnaged quite easliy as the job centre idea isn't that fresh.

Stick with the Job Centre - it's going to become increasingly familiar to your audience.

Hi sooty, it's a funny sketch, but I've got one criticism. You have to remember that descriptions are there for the scriptreader/actor/etc, and that we the audience will never see them. Thus, you might wanna think about changing lines like the following (amusing as they are): "ATTAROCK RETURNS AND SLAYS THE DINOSAUR IN A VICIOUS BUT EXITING MANNER THAT YOU'D BUY A DVD OF IF IT WAS A SUPER HERO MOVIE (EVEN IF THE MOVIE WAS A BIT SHIT)."

Quote: Bryan Parry @ May 15 2010, 12:02 AM BST

Hi sooty, it's a funny sketch, but I've got one criticism. You have to remember that descriptions are there for the scriptreader/actor/etc, and that we the audience will never see them. Thus, you might wanna think about changing lines like the following (amusing as they are): "ATTAROCK RETURNS AND SLAYS THE DINOSAUR IN A VICIOUS BUT EXITING MANNER THAT YOU'D BUY A DVD OF IF IT WAS A SUPER HERO MOVIE (EVEN IF THE MOVIE WAS A BIT SHIT)."

View original

I think you'll find that this was for the script reader. Just a little bit of meta-textual humour to keep them awake while they wade through paragraphs of staggering literalism like your last post.

I used to adopt that approach... but then was advised against it(!) Either way, don't be so blunt, young man.

Quote: Bryan Parry @ May 15 2010, 12:02 AM BST

Hi sooty, it's a funny sketch, but I've got one criticism. You have to remember that descriptions are there for the scriptreader/actor/etc, and that we the audience will never see them. Thus, you might wanna think about changing lines like the following (amusing as they are): "ATTAROCK RETURNS AND SLAYS THE DINOSAUR IN A VICIOUS BUT EXITING MANNER THAT YOU'D BUY A DVD OF IF IT WAS A SUPER HERO MOVIE (EVEN IF THE MOVIE WAS A BIT SHIT)."

View original

Try telling highest paid screenwriter of all time, Shane Black, that - his scripts are littered with in-jokes.

Actually I wrote this for fun. The only world in which I get to write a sketch with a fullsize tyransaur rude girl having a scrap in a job centre exists in my mind.

Besides I thought the description of the action was stunningle litera,