Restaurant –Sketch

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT

A MAN AND WOMAN WALK INTO A RESTAURANT.

Head Waiter
Table for two?

Peter
Yes please

WAITER SHOWS THE COUPLE TO A TABLE AND HANDS THE COUPLE MENUS.

Waiter
Would you like to order some drinks?

Peter
Yes please, just to glasses of untreated Ethiopian spring water.

Waiter
Very good sir.

WAITER COMES BACK WITH DRINKS WHICH ARE BROWN.

Peter
Thank you.

Waiter
Are you ready to order sir?

Peter
I think so. Could you tell me what the specials are today?

Waiter
Yes sir. We have Russian Influenza and Gastro-enteritis.

Peter
Do you get a choice of accompaniments with them?

Waiter
Just severe vomiting with both sir.

Wife
Do you have anything a little more exotic?

Waiter
Yes Madame. We have Anthrax and we are well known here for our Bubonic Plague.

Wife
I quite fancied something from overseas.

Waiter
Ah well Madame, this is your lucky day. We are famous for our foreign range. We have Bilharzia, Elephantiasis, and Yellow Fever.

Wife
I’ll have the Elephantiasis please

Waiter
And for you sir?

Peter
I wanted some thing traditional.

Waiter
Well sir, if you want to stick to something more familiar you could try one of our Heart diseases.

Peter
No I think I’ll go for the acute kidney failure.

Waiter
And do you want symptoms to start?

Peter
Yes. Hardening of the arteries and palpitations please. And you dear?

Wife
I don’t want any symptoms to start but could I have mine with a fever and hallucinations?

Waiter
Of course. These both come with complimentary MRSA to follow.

Both
Thank you.

Peter
That’s the one of the great things about a British hospital restaurant. You go in for one thing and end up with something much more severe.

Very odd sketch Mr Fish, not really sure what to think of it. Nicely put together and I had a smile on my face whilst reading it (I checked in a mirror!). Maybe lacks a good punch at the end.

You could have someone vomit in the background and then Peter could ask the waiter what he's having.

I liked it WJFK. Infact I want to take my in-laws there.

Needs to end a bit more decisively.

WJFK - are you doing critique on your own sketch?

For what it's worth, I liked the punchline and didn't see it coming. Not sure you need the word "British" though - makes it a bit clumsy.

Other than that I think it would benefit from a trim, mainly from the start. You could get rid of the first few lines easily as it only starts with their order of drinks - everything til then is redundant. One option would be to start with the waiter delivering the brown drinks and saying "Your untreated Ethiopian spring water", and take it from there.

That was good. I have to agree with Badge on the word British.

Hey, Fishmeister, that had pace and although not laugh out loud stuff, it still carried a humorous consistency. Although there was nothing wrong with the ending, I felt it deserved something stronger. Good sketch just the same.

I'll think of something

Quote: Wildjesusfishkid @ May 4, 2007, 5:02 PM

Needs to end a bit more decisively.

View original

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT

A MAN AND WOMAN WALK INTO A RESTAURANT.

Head Waiter
Table for two?

Peter
No three, shes pregnant

END

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT

A MAN AND WOMAN WALK INTO A RESTAURANT.

Head Waiter
No niggers!

END

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT

A MAN AND WOMAN WALK INTO CHRIS TARRANT.

END

Outgunned but never outpunned [Timesplitters]

INT. RESTAURANT. NIGHT

CLOSED SIGN.

END