Popedoms

POPE BENNY IS SLEEPING ON THE STAGE.
CARDINAL SIN WALKS ON.

CARDINAL
Pope Benny...Pope Benny wake up. Justin Bieber is here and he wants to be a choir boy. Could you help him put on his vestments?

POPE WAKES UP

POPE
Where? Where? Oh it's you Cardinal Sin.

CARDINAL
Now Pope Benny the British have been very naughty.

POPE
Have they? I told Adolf he should have sorted them out in 1941.

CARDINAL
They say they're going to name some condoms after you for their visit.

POPE
That's not nice.

CARIDNAL
What's worse they're specially designed for gay sex. They say they're just like you.

POPE
What!

CARDINAL
They're thick insensitive and take no shit.

POPE
Those tea drinking, monastery sacking, nancy boys. Prepare the Swiss Guard we are going to invade!

CARDINAL
What all 50 of them? They're a bit busy sewing tassles on their uniforms.

POPE
Oh well did you atleast get a sample of those condoms.

CARDINAL
Of course your holiness.

POPE
I'll book you in for a confession in 30 minutes.

CARDINAL
Why I've got nothing to confess.

POPE
You will do!

CHASES CARDINAL OFF STAGE

As I've said before, I'm not a fan of topical comedy - it's often a little lifeless, predictable and bland. This isn't. This is ace - a constant flow of jokes, good ones at that, and a good ending. This should make NR/TS, surely.

Thanks I enjoy mocking old popey.

and did you know the Vatican really did have a birth pill manufacturing company in the 70s, so all these jokes about 'em are deserved.
good sketch Sootjy

Mr Sootyj.

This is indeed a fine effort. Gags a plenty and funny ones too. Just the right length.

In short, one of your best topical sketches.

If this doesn't get on NR / TS there is no justice.

Just as a little additional thought for future NR / TS, is there any milage in turning the Pope into a Benny Hill character?

What died in tragic circumstances and inexplicably popular in the US?

I kid sir, thanks.

And Ta Bush too

Genius! Sooty, you are obviously the man to mock the clergy, following your recent stem cell sketch. Although it is of course anti-semitism against catholics, what with you being a saucepan lid.

A billion of the God botherers? They can take a joke or 2.

Echo bigfella, fingers crossed for NR and TS.

I've just read this again Sooty. And I would like to correct my previous statement.

In short the best topical sketch I have seen on here.

It's okay, though I don't go along with the love fest for it. For me it seems to rely a bit too much on cliches, most of which apply to the Catholic church in general rather than Benny himself so I'm not quite getting the satire. But then I've never had anything on NR.

PS I would love to see Pope Benny wearing a black woolly hat.

Glad it's popular, personally I prefer Dial Satan.

And sometimes cliches is what people like (especially on News Revue).