Call Satan.

2 SATANISTS (JILL AND JON) ARE PRAYING

JILL
All hail our dark lord.

JON
Hail Satan come to us right soon!

SATAN RUNS ON

SATAN
Alright alright sorry I'm late. I was just negotiating with Cheri for Tony's soul and boy can she drive a hard bargain.

JILL AND JON GET UP AND THEY ALL SIT ROUND FOR A MEETING

JILL
Look Satan you sold your soul to Rupert Murdoch and he expects good timekeeping

SATAN
Don't I bleeding know it. Ok what's this meeting about?

JON
This is the meeting of the commitee to elect David Cameron by any means.

JILL
Aka the Sun editorial meeting. We need to nobble that goody two shoes Clegg.

SATAN
How about we do him for being rich and out of touch?

JILL
So's Cameron

SATAN
He went to public school?

JILL
So did Cameron.

JEN
Look they're both rich, white, out of touch pretty boys. We can't shit on one without making the other stink.

JILL
Satan at this rate Murdoch's going to sell your soul onto Richard Branson.

SATAN
Wait not that, hang on I've got it.

SATAN DIALS HIS MOBILE

SATAN
Hi Dave. Quick question how many have you shagged? No not fags at Eton. (PAUSE) no Boris Johnson doesn't count (PAUSE) that's a waste of a perfectly good pineapple. Just girls (PAUSE) 29?

JILL
Well done Satan Clegg shagged 30 girls.

JON
There's our headline. Nick Clegg sex maniac.

I had to read it a couple of times just to get it straight but I think its another hit for me, runs nicely; I especially like the phone call bit.

Thanks I hope it works even if its idea heavy

Really got into this Sootyj despite, like some others, not being the biggest fan of topical stuff, the idea at the heart of the sketch is really good I think.