[IN THE STYLE OF A TV ADVERT]
A MAN (HARRY) AND HIS WIFE (JESS) ARE IN BED TOGETHER.
JESS
I've got something to tell you; (Beat) I'm pregnant!
AN AIRBAG DEPLOYS FROM HARRY.
JESS
And that's not all, I think it's twins.
THE AIRBAG DEPLOYS AGAIN.
SELF-IMPORTANT V/O
Are those wedding bells I hear?
HARRY SITS UP AND LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
HARRY
We live above a pub.
V/O
Oh. Well no need to worry, there'll always be something there to cushion the impact of unfortunate accidents. Taxpayers - saving for your illegitimate children. So you keep ploughing away, Ben.
HARRY
But (Beat) I'm Harry.
V/O
No you're not.
HARRY
(Mum's the word)
Riiight.
HARRY LIES BACK DOWN AND SIGHS CONTENTEDLY.
JESS
Jesus! What's happened to your balls?!
HARRY
No, you're sat on my ai- (Pause) Never mind.