Horse & Carriage

Ext. Wedding (Edwardian). Day.

A bride and groom stand to receive their guests.

LADY GUEST
Congratulations. You must be so proud.

MALE GUEST
Here.

He hands the bride a small square package. The guests then walk either side of her and pat her shoulders.

LADY GUEST
Such a pretty thing.

MALE GUEST
A fine beast you've acquired there, Braithwaite.

The two guests leave.

BRIDE
A fine beast?

GROOM
Yes. About that. I'm sorry it has taken so long to bring up, but...

BRIDE
Yes?

GROOM
I'm afraid I bought you as a horse.

BRIDE
You've bought be a horse?

GROOM
No. I've bought you as a horse.

BRIDE
Excuse me?

GROOM
I'm sorry, Tilly. I wanted to tell you sooner, but it never seemed to be the right time.

BRIDE
You bought me as a horse?

GROOM
Yes.

BRIDE
The cottage you gave my father in exchange for my hand?

GROOM
Yes

BRIDE
But they gave me a present.

GROOM
Yes. Open it.

She opens it to reveal a sugar cube.

BRIDE
Ah.

GROOM
Listen, let us say we'll give it a whirl, eh? It'll be unconventional, but we can handle it. I'm sure we'd make a damned fine polo pairing.

MALE GUEST (shouting over)
Well, break her in then!

BRIDE
This is my wedding.

GROOM
But of course it is. Though they don't know that.

BRIDE
Well what are they doing here?

GROOM
Celebrating my new horse.

BRIDE
You are going to have to put a stop to this. I am not a horse.

GROOM
Well, I know you don't think you are, but are you absolutely sure? You have flanks. Brides shouldn't have flanks.

BRIDE
I am not a horse. My dress then, why am I in this dress?

GROOM
They think I'm quirky. They think you're pretty.

BRIDE
Then I call it off. I would never, never have entered this arrangement if I knew I was doing so as a horse.

GROOM
Ah. I'm afraid you can't leave. The groundskeepers are under strict instructions to shoot to kill if you decide to bolt.

BRIDE
Oh.

GROOM
Yeah. Sorry.

Good idea but a bit to verbose and it doesn't do mcuh with the original idea.

Agree with Sooty, seems a bit long-winded. But I do like the underlying idea and the sugar cube instead of a ring amused me.

Cheers both.

I don't think this one should have been committed to paper. My better sketches tend to be ones that don't look to great when written down but leave scope for performace - not as a cop out, you understand , but as an appreciation that in performed sketches a fair old percentage is on performance. Ish.

Relying on perfromance to beat writing. Is like a lifegaurd who doesn't learn to swim as the tide will wash the drowned swimmers corpse ashore.

Absolutely. Obviously, in fact - though that's not what I'm saying.

I agree with sooty and Giggle-o. A great underlying idea, especially with the sugar cube and shooting the horse (perhaps sending it to the knackers yard...?). But it runs too long after we find out that she's "a horse" whilst not developing the idea much. But work with this, cos there's great potential here.