Am I funny?

People have always told me that I'm a funny guy. When I sit and chat with people they always laugh. At first I wasn't sure why but after a quick nip to the loo to check that I didn't have a bogey hanging from my nose or a pubic hair in my teeth I concluded that it must be what I'm saying that's making them laugh. Not being the best looking guy you'll ever see also meant that I had to try a bit harder with the ladies than most of my mates and I usually managed to get them into bed by making them laugh. It's a sad irony that pretty soon they'd get back out of bed laughing too but hey you can't win 'em all.

I don't have to try and make people laugh it just sort of happens which leads me nicely onto my problem. As a funny guy, who like all funny people is obviously deeply twisted and needy, I like making people laugh. I have always wanted to write some comedy and often have crazy thoughts about sketches and gags but when I sit down and try to write something funny, well....it just doesn't sound funny anymore. It seems the harder I try the funnier I aint. I tried a little experiment whereby I took an old episode of only fools and horses and watched it with the TV muted and the subtitles on. I read the subtitles like a script and guess what? That wasn't funny either. However, turn the sound back on and the magic returned. Is that the way it goes? Are all scripts unfunny? If so how do they know it'll be funny when it's aired?

I'll admit that I'm not much of a 'laugher' and you have to try pretty hard for me to raise more than a smile. That doesn't mean that I'm a miserable git or just laugh at my own gags, I just don't belly laugh at any old thing. Give me an episode of you've been framed however or show me some granny falling down the stairs with a bowl of gooseberries in her hand and by the end I'll need not only new pants but an oxygen bottle or two as well. I've tried going to see comedians but it's all so generic, some bull**** story working its way up an obvious cressendo followed by the moronic, forced laughter of 'crazy frog' ring-toned halfwits who call themsleves Mad Mick or some crap.

In short I don't want to be and probably couldn't be a stand up comedian, I don't fancy knawing at the bone that is celebrity. I just want to write something funny every once in a while and then receed back into the dark, dripping basement of my soul, only emerging cardiganed, unshaven and crumb covered to cash some cheques or buy a razzle.

So people, does anyone else have this problem? Is there anyone out there who shares my pain and most importantly who can guide me to a place where a wise cracking, pisstaking degenerate like me can find like minded individuals and a receptical for the toxic waste that my brain insits on producing?

Unless you're some sort of improvisational genius, at some point you're going to have to sit down and write something. It's a pain but there it is.

As far as finding an audience, there are plenty of avenues out there. If you don't think you've got what it takes to be a stand up, why not try your hand at recording a podcast? Or if you're just looking for feedback on your written 'toxic waste', you could do worse than the Critique section of this very forum.

"...That wasn't funny either. However, turn the sound back on and the magic returned. Is that the way it goes? Are all scripts unfunny? If so how do they know it'll be funny when it's aired? "

No, some scripts are hilarious. Only yesterday I was reading a book of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketches, and was crying with laughter on the bus. I have also done this recently with a book of Woody Allen's work as well (getting some mad looks off strangers though). obviously some stuff doesn't work just on the page, and needs to be performed to bring it alive.

Sitting down to try and write something funny is nearly always going to have you staring at a blank page. your best ideas are probably going to come when you are not trying to come up with anything. it's remembering those ideas, and then going back to them to try and mold them into a coherent sketch or whatever, that will be most fruitful. In my experience anyway.

I would say don't worry about writing something funny, worry about writing characters that you and the audience cares about and can empathise with. Concentrate on telling a story and the comedy will come from the characters. This is more true of sitcoms but I think is still relevant for sketches albeit to a lesser degree. A sketch isn't just a joke that's acted out, there's more to it than that.