EXT. DOORSTEP. DAY
POLITICIAN
Ok, well thanks very much for your time. I hope you'll think about that when you come to vote.
OLD LADY
We'll see. Can I count you as my friend?
POLITICIAN
Well, yes. Of course you can.
OLD LADY
Right, let's have a piccie then.
She whips out a polaroid camera.
POLITICIAN
Excuse me?
OLD LADY
Come in, come in.
INT. SITTING ROOM. DAY.
POLITICIAN
Oh, alright, is there anything I didn't fully explain?
She sits him in a chair.
OLD LADY
Now, I've got seven friends altogether. That's including you.
POLITICIAN
Oh, right.
OLD LADY
Smile.
She takes the photograph.
POLITICIAN
What's the photo for? I have pamphlets?
OLD LADY
Facebook.
POLITICIAN
Oh. But that's a polaroid, you need digital...
OLD LADY
I like to do it the old fashioned way first, away from all that technology. Here, read my profile.
She hands him a sheet of paper.
OLD LADY (...cont)
The hobbies.
POLITICIAN
It just says 'Facebook'.
OLD LADY
Yes. I've no idea what I used to do before it came along. I can't get enough of it. Have some tea.
She hand him a round piece of paper with a cup of tea drawn on it.
POLITICIAN
Well, you might have noticed that we've a significant web presence; indicative of our forward-thinking mentality.
OLD LADY
I'm sorry about the smell. It's the bird.
POLITICIAN
Oh, I see. Is he alright?
OLD LADY
That's Twitter. No. I couldn't get on with Twitter, used to tweet all day, so he did. I logged him off in the end; a biro down the beak did for him. No; I'm all Facebook now. I'm working on me Farmville out the back and I'm getting a panic button installed next week, in case of paedophiles.
POLITICIAN
Right. Well, I really must get going. A lot of prospective constituents to natter with, and I wouldn't want to impose any more than I already have.
OLD LADY
Oh, you can't go.
POLITICIAN
Oh, I must, I'm afraid.
OLD LADY
No, you don't understand. You can't leave. You're in my computer now.
POLITICIAN
Excuse me?
OLD LADY
You're the seventh friend I have. I keep you all in here. Thsi house is a giant hard drive. Five megabytes of space, ready for you to join it.
POLITICIAN
I'm going to have to pop off now, but lovely to meet you.
OLD LADY
Too late. You'll be absorbed. I know I'm just an old lady, and you're a big strong man, but that tea you just drank contains enough rohypnol to seduce a sperm whale.
The Politician looks at the tea-paper, carefully puts it down and leaves. After a couple of moments, the Old Lady turns round. She picks up a sheet of paper and ticks it.
OLD LADY
Seven.
