INT. NIGHTCLUB - MIDNIGHT
A SMOOTH TALKING, SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT LOTHARIO WALKS UP TO A GOOD LOOKING GIRL IN A BUSY NIGHTCLUB.
MAN:
Hi there. Haven't we met before?
GIRL (dismissively):
I doubt it. I think I'd remember.
MAN:
Can I buy you a drink?
GIRL (sipping from her Bacardi and coke):
No thanks, I'm teetotal.
MAN:
Do you come here often?
GIRL:
I used to; I'm currently reassessing my position.
MAN:
Here's 20p, phone your mom to tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
GIRL:
I don't live with my mother, I'm a grown-up.
MAN:
You know, if I could remake the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together.
GIRL:
I'd be pleasantly surprised if you could recite the alphabet as it stands.
MAN:
A quick question: do you sleep on your stomach? Because I'll let you sleep on mine.
GIRL:
No thanks, I'm scared of heights.
MAN:
Is that a ladder in your stockings or a stairway to heaven?
GIRL:
You're too fat to even consider climbing stairs.
MAN:
Are your legs hurting? Because you've been running threw my mind all night long.
GIRL:
My legs are fine; I do have an arsehole problem though.
MAN:
Do you have a plaster? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
GIRL:
You'd better tell the gaffer; that crater you left must be dangerous.
MAN:
How long have you been in the oven? Because I can feel something rising.
GIRL:
It's just my sense of repulsion.
MAN:
Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
GIRL:
I know what your father used to do...his sister.
THE MAN SLAPS HER ACROSS THE FACE
GIRL:
Your place or mine?