THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER OF HIS SHOP WEARING A CARMAN MIRANDA FRUIT HAT WITH NO SENSE OF IRONY
SOOTYJ WALKS IN
LEONARD NIMOYS Highly Illogical plays on the stereo.
SOOTYJ
This is a porn shop isn't it?
PORNOGRAPHER
Er yes.
SOOTYJ
Well I'd like some porn please.
SOOTYJ PICKS A LARGE KIWI OFF OF THE HAT AND EATS IT MESSILY WHILST THE PORNOGRAPHER TRYS TO SUPRESS A WINCE
PORNOGRAPHER
You've been fascinated by monkeys for a long time haven't you? Fascinated and intimdated by them? How good...
SOOTYJ STARTS TO SING TUNELESLY TO THE STEREO, THE PORNOGRAPHER TURNS IT OFF
SOOTYJ
Yes yes, have you got "Funky chunky monkey." The fim about obese monkeys in 70s disco wear being beaten.
PORNOGRAPHER.
Yes we do. That'll be 5 pounds please.
SOOTYJ
Bit steap isn't it?
PORNOGRAPHER
Erm your supposed to say that's cheap and then I haggle for something of icredible value to you.
SOOTYJ
Well it's steep mush. Tell you what how about I offer you my ironic self referential sense of humour?
PORNOGRAPHER
That's not worth a stained Tramps copy of Razzle with the toilet parts cut out!
SOOTYJ
How about my topical sense of humour.
PORNOGRAPHER
Now you're really taking the piss! Taking your revolting fat monkey porn vid and f**k off!
SOOTYJ
I wrote you. That's no way to speak to your dad.
SOOTYJ FLOUNCES OFF WITH HIS PORNOGRAPHY
THE BELL RINGS THE WORLDS STINGIEST TIME TRAVELLER WALKS IN
THE PORNOGRAPHER PRODUCES A SHOT GUN FROM THE COUNTER AND OPENS FIRE ON THE TIME TRAVELLER WHO RUNS OFF.
PORNOGRPAHER
Piss off! I am not bloody ironic!