JIM AND TRACY ARE STANDING ON THE DECK OF A SHIP
JIM
Well this is splendid floating home to England on the magnificent Ark Royal. And meeting all sorts of fellow Brits stranded by that dreadful cloud.
TRACY
Oi got any Bacardi Breezers?
JIM
No. Me on a tour of Provence, you on an 18-30 holiday in Magaluf.
TRACY
Fancy a shag?
JIM
No.
TRACY
How about a fight? If you got some Lambrini you can f**king have both.
JIM
You know we have been at sea for quite some weeks. I'm sure Gordon Brown would see us straight home.
TRACY
Ere this isn't Portsmouth where the f**k are we? It'd better not be Sc**thorpe.
JIM
That sign says welcome to Argentina...oh dear, here comes the steward.
A SOLDIER WALKS ON AND HANDS THEM GUNS
SOLDIER
Right here's your boarding passes. When you see border control...charge take no prisoners!
JIM
Oh well at least it isn't Terminal 5.