The pornographer 2+3

A DODGY 70S PORN SHOP THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS STILL BEHIND THE COUNTER
HE HAS A WIG WITH A PARTY HAT ATTACHED TO IT. IT IS SLIDING OFF HIS HEAD LIKE A COLD FRIED EGG.

SAVE ALL YOUR KISSES FOR ME PLAYS ON THE STEREO

A WOMAN WITH A PRAM BUSTLES IN.

WOMAN
I thought they'd close all you filth mongers down, you, you disgust me! We've got a petition and soon you'll be gone, people power at work!

WOMAN STARES AT THE SHELVES AND SHELVES OF DUSTY VIDEOS

WOMAN
What kind of rubbish do you sell?

PORNOGRAPHER
We specialise.

THE MUSIC PLAYS LOUDER

WOMAN
What animals? Bondage? I know all about you?

PORNOGRAPHER
Some people love BBC 4...radio and TV. Those clever, cruel wits. If only they could be like us, weak, venal, hetrosexual.

WOMAN
That's disgusting.

PORNOGRAPHER
Sandi Toksvig, Stephen Fry, David Mitchell if only they'd invite us in.

WOMAN
How did you know?

PORNOGRAPHER HANDS OVER A VIDEO

IT IS TITLED "Radio Phwoor!" THE COVER WOULD APPEAR TO BE DAVID MITCHELL, AND STEPHEN FRY SPIT ROASTING SANDI TOKSVIG. THEY ARE SMILING IN A CRUEL WITTY MANNER.

THE STEREO IS NOW BLARING AT FULL VOLUME.

WOMAN
Oh God how much?

PORNOGRAPHER
5 pounds.

WOMAN
Well at least it's not so expensive.

PORNOGRAPHER
And your first born child.

WOMAN BURSTS INTO TEARS.

WOMAN
Mummy loved you.

PORNOGRAPHER 3

THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER HE IS WEARING DEELY BOPPERS UNIRONICALLY

THE BELL RINGS TO SIGNIFY THE DOOR OPENING.

PORNOGRAPHER
Keep up the good work.

HE HANDS OVER A BIG BROWN PAPER BAG OF FILTH

A HAND STRETCHES INTO VIEW WITH A RING

THE PORNOGRAPHER KISSES THE RING

WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL THE CUSTOMER IS POPE BENEDICT.

I think you'd experience problems getting number 2 aired!

I quite like number 3 but I don't think you need the pull back reveal.

True the rings enough.

I wrote these for my own cheery amusement. The whole idea kinda starting with who'd buy a mag called Niggerz and Catz?

My ideas do seem to come from a dark place.

They're not that bad.

...

Oh, you mean dark metaphorically, not from where the sun doesn't shine

Cheeky

The sun does indeed shine from my botty.

Quote: sootyj @ April 17 2010, 12:45 PM BST

The sun does indeed shine from my botty.

View original

That's what you told me when I said I needed 30 minutes on a sunbed. After five minutes of you squatting over me, I didn't see an inch of sun.

I liked 2 but agree that the visual punch isn't going to work - make it spoken and just show the faces of the two roasters.

3 was the weakest of the bunch - maybe because you've changed the format of the idea?

Quote: sootyj @ April 17 2010, 9:36 AM BST

A DODGY 70S PORN SHOP THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS STILL BEHIND THE COUNTER
HE HAS A WIG WITH A PARTY HAT ATTACHED TO IT. IT IS SLIDING OFF HIS HEAD LIKE A COLD FRIED EGG.

SAVE ALL YOUR KISSES FOR ME PLAYS ON THE STEREO

A WOMAN WITH A PRAM BUSTLES IN.

WOMAN
I thought they'd close all you filth mongers down, you, you disgust me! We've got a petition and soon you'll be gone, people power at work!

WOMAN STARES AT THE SHELVES AND SHELVES OF DUSTY VIDEOS

WOMAN
What kind of rubbish do you sell?

PORNOGRAPHER
We specialise.

THE MUSIC PLAYS LOUDER

WOMAN
What animals? Bondage? I know all about you

PORNOGRAPHER
Some people love BBC 4...radio and TV. Those clever, cruel wits. If only they could be like us, weak, venal...hetrosexual

WOMAN
That's so repulsive, it's arousing How did you know?

PORNOGRAPHER HANDS OVER A VIDEO

IT IS TITLED "Radio Phwoor!" THE COVER WOULD APPEAR TO BE DAVID MITCHELL, AND STEPHEN FRY SPIT ROASTING SANDI TOKSVIG. THEY ARE SMILING IN A CRUEL WITTY MANNER.

THE STEREO IS NOW BLARING AT FULL VOLUME.

WOMAN
Oh God how much?

PORNOGRAPHER
5 pounds.

WOMAN
Well at least it's not so expensive.

PORNOGRAPHER
And your first born child.

WOMAN BURSTS INTO TEARS.

WOMAN
Mummy loved you.

PORNOGRAPHER 3

THE PORNOGRAPHER STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER HE IS WEARING DEELY BOPPERS UNIRONICALLY

THE BELL RINGS TO SIGNIFY THE DOOR OPENING.

PORNOGRAPHER
Keep up the good work.

HE HANDS OVER A BIG BROWN PAPER BAG OF FILTH

A HAND STRETCHES INTO VIEW WITH A RING

THE PORNOGRAPHER KISSES THE RING

View original

Number 3 definitely improved with the more subtle angle. Number 2 still funny. Like them both.