Apart from anything else, you switch between present and past tenses. Did you bother editing or reviewing this before deciding the world needed an audiobook version?
A Matter of Principle Audiobook Page 4
Quote: Win Wilders @ January 22 2011, 10:59 AM GMTOK 'ere goes
'Seriocomic' usually implies there will be some humour along the way....monologues tell a story....but still (after four chapters) this thing has not moved an inch or made me smile once. And in all this time (and effort) I have gained no empathy for miserable Clive and his endless moaning.
The writing is heavily weighted down with descriptors - I get the feeling there is a thesaurus close at hand: things like 'lapis lazuli' (which you pronounce 'lapris loo' in the reading) do not add to the story, but detract. What exactly does 'rake proudly prompt' mean??
My mind wanders and stumbles over this, it's really an uncomfortable read. And -sorry to say- boring as hell to listen to.the mispronunciations are the only comic relief I'm afraid - when you read 'ca-loosed' for 'calloused' it was hilarious yet endearing.
Eight more chapters? If the last four are any indication of the rest, I hope Clive gets strangled by a garden hose soon.
my suggestion: more research, major rewrite and edit edit edit
I'm afraid I agree with this James. It's overwritten and does appear to be overly reliant on a Thesaurus. There are also point of view violations, and I'm not convinced this serio-comic monologue is either comic - in the sense that you're presumably aiming for - or a true monologue. Ignoring the mispronunciations, I'm not a fan of the delivery either. It'd be better if you thickened your own accent for Clive's rather than veer into quasi-Yorkshire. Can't fault you for effort James, but this needs major work IMO. Sorry.
Quote: Rob H @ January 22 2011, 11:38 AM GMTIt'd be better if you thickened your own accent for Clive's rather than veer into quasi-Yorkshire. Can't fault you for effort James, but this needs major work IMO. Sorry.
I'm sure I've explained this before but I am reading this as a audiobook and not playing the character in the true sense so I am doing a interpretation of the characters voice like other audiobook readings. I.e. The Red Dwarf audiobooks with Chris Barrie.
Quote: James Cotter @ January 21 2011, 10:20 PM GMTmy audiobook adaption of my thirty minute monologue
This description is non-sensical and incredibly pompous. You build it up to be some great piece that's been adapted for an audiobook when there isn't even a book available. Just call it a monologue.
You may think it's incredible self belief, but to everyone else you're just talking crap. And people do not respect crap.
Quote: James Cotter @ January 22 2011, 11:44 AM GMTI'm sure I've explained this before but I am reading this as a audiobook and not playing the character in the true sense so I am doing a interpretation of the characters voice like other audiobook readings. I.e. The Red Dwarf audiobooks with Chris Barrie.
It may just be me being obtuse, but I'm not sure I understand the distinction you're making. It's a character you've written, and presumably you're reading the character as you intend him to be heard. It'd be odd otherwise, surely?
And it's not a monologue. I suggest you Google the term. I would also suggest not using any words garnered from a thesaurus unless you know what they actually mean. I would certainly also suggest that you learn how these words are pronounced before using them in an 'audiobook'.
Sorry James, I'm sure I'm coming across as being harsh, but you don't help yourself.
It's not a monologue, but I believe he's adapted a monologue into some type of novella. I said earlier that he should just call it a monologue, but that's obviously wrong. I'm not sure what he should call it really, but definitely not audiobook!
[quote name="James Cotter" post="642316" date="July 20 2010, 4:47 PM GMT"]CHAPTER TWO
Did some editing hope it helps
Several weeks have passed since the relative calm of the late Summer evenings. And though there had been a nip in the air back then it could not be compared to the start of what would turn out to be a frosty Autumn. Frosty indeed in more ways than one for Clive Dundhill.
Frosty the blow man, the deadliest pistolero to leave the hell pits of Buenos Ares. But Clive aka Dirk Fist aka Hooters McJugs would be ready. Revenge like the weather was a dish best served ice cold (unlike custard which only the French liked chilled).
Clive took respite from the chilly weather inside a small, wooden summer hut which had a roof but only just. Enough to keep the rain out at least and the biting wind. It was like an old cricket pavilion only smaller and when mid-afternoon arrived it only meant one thing to Clive. Hammer time. And the hut was a perfect spot for a good beat down and a bite of vengance pie. Unfortunately for the local drug dealers, Clive had arrived with a vengeance and a 5 pound sledgehammer with masking tape on the handle called the "Verminator". A flurry of thunderous blows danced in the air, circling the thin skulls of the dealer scum and the smell of blood, cerebral fluids and excrement spilled by his hapless victims prevailed even inside it. Clive lent the corpses up against the small wooden frame of the pavilion with his erection (murder always stimulated him in a way no women could) proudly prompt up beside him watching the dancing leaves with an air of resigned gloom. The start of Autumn always meant more work for him, back to school. It was Heroin and ecstasy the kids wanted these days not penny chews and curly wurlies (which they no longer made, the chief exec of Cadbury's was high on Clive's murder list). "Winter's always difficult in my line." He despondently proclaimed as he unwrapped his cheese and pickle sandwich, in a low tittering voice that surprised Clive himself. "A never ending pile of scum to shovel up. Mess. Mess. Mess." He scowled and took a bite of a buttock sitffening with rigor mortis. "Don't get me wrong - Mother Nature may have many suitors but I am one of them. I love nature and I love Autumn but what I don't like is human fat blocking up drains!" He gestured with his bloddied fist to emphasise his point. "It's the busiest season for me as it is." He took another bite chewing over the puckered flesh even as he chewed over his thoughts. "The park looks quite sparse at the moment with the lack of scum. Lack of it selling drugs behind trees at least. Take that one over there now" he gestured proudly to a bare tree in the distance with thoughts of dealer he'd kept in his basement and tortured filled his mind with a joyous gleaming pride of the years of care and consideration he has given it. "That one when it's in full bloom in the Summer, Aye! It's champion. But where are the bastards now? I'll tell you were they are buried in the park and blocking up the drains."
Clive chomped morosely on buttock and poured himself a cup of neat alcohol from his trusty old vacuum flask. He took a sip but his frown deepened and he put the cup down agitated by his thoughts. "This new boss, Mr. Wexford he's called" he said dismissively. "Doesn't think they were drug dealers or Osama Bin Laden, thinks they were innocent dog walkers and possibly that wooftah out of the Usual Suspects. Fine!" He said, spitting out the chewed indegistible grissel, his expression indicating that it was in fact anything but. Clive Dundhill prided himself on being a good executioner of bad character and made his mind up about a person almost instantly, sometimes before that person even so much as uttered a single plea for mercy. Though Clive had kept his true muderous nature relativity hidden, he didn't like to kill someone too harshly even if he was the type of drug pushing official Clive has always tried his level best to eradicate. If possible his frown deepened further as he cast his mind back to the first fateful meeting when Mr. Wexford demonstrated how apt he was in the skill of seducing someone with out any one else in the room noticing. A skill Clive would have almost admired if it wasn't being practiced on him. "He gave a team talk the other day" he said waving his hammer in the air. "I thought hello, we're not at the football. I don't know who he thinks he is but I'm a married man..." Clive laughed like his wife wasn't in the compost heap (she not only was a drug dealing Martian, she'd burnt his steak and kidney pie...she'd died hard) he's got one over on the man already. "Said to me that he wanted to discuss the extreme sexual nature of the park slashers crimes if you please!" He snorted at the idea of it. "Well, it's never been a problem before, no-one's ever brought it up before. That's half the trouble I think. People are not aware of the need for making an example and all this stuff. It's only when it's brought up and scrutinized. Then you start realizing. Then the problems start to occur, people get singled out..." Clive took a moment to compose himself "We had to play a team building game if you can believe it, with my trousers down. I said to him, I said. 'I've got the scum to do out there'. I said 'there's half a dozen drains blocked up. I said 'they won't do themselves you know'. He said 'Clive I love you' and I thought 'who's getting personal now. It's Mr. Dundhill Avening Angel of God to you'. He said 'Clive sweetie, you've got to learn to co-operate within a team'. I said... no I don't! I said I killed Caroline and I eviserated Steve and George over there. I get along but in my area ... there's no call for it I said. I don't need to co-operate, I'm friendly, but I don't like you that way..." He said then remembers being interrupted "well... That's exactly your problem, you think you're friendly, you're not, you're a big meanie'. I said 'I am. How do you know, you've only just got here'. And what does he say to me? "He said 'I can tell by the fact your trousers are still on and your aura." I said 'what aura's this? Aura in bloody deed and these trousers are staying on!'" Clive chuckled at the memory of it. [i]"Well, he was like mystic bloody Meg over there. I thought, aura. I'm not a bloody up hill gardener! I don't need to know what my aura is. He's sticking his aura in and probably his todger that's what I think of it all
5/5, Sooty.
5 by 5 yay me.
Talk about kicking a bloke when he's down. 
Quote: Ben @ January 22 2011, 10:30 PM GMTIt's not a monologue, but I believe he's adapted a monologue into some type of novella. I said earlier that he should just call it a monologue, but that's obviously wrong. I'm not sure what he should call it really, but definitely not audiobook!
Ah. Then my apologies about the monologue comment James. I blame Ben. He really is an unmitigated shit. (But very right about you calling it an audiobook).
Keep on keeping on though James.
Quote: Ben @ January 22 2011, 7:29 PM GMTThis description is non-sensical and incredibly pompous. You build it up to be some great piece that's been adapted for an audiobook when there isn't even a book available. Just call it a monologue.
You may think it's incredible self belief, but to everyone else you're just talking crap. And people do not respect crap.
Ben there is nothing wrong with not liking the piece but picking at the smallest of details isn't really very constructive especially in the manner you have worded it. I see nothing pompous in describing the audiobook adaption as an audiobook adaption. It isn't a monologue as a monologue would not have a narrator it would just be the actor playing the character. This is an adaption of a short novel I have adapted from the monologue. The monologue itself will be read by an actor playing Clive and will not feature me narrating.
Is it just me, or has nobody here except James understood what adapting something means? 'A Matter of Principle' is going from strength to strength and I think most of you lot are threatened by his ability.
Put simply, James Cotter makes good writing. Fact.
I have heard enough!Not from you James, I haven't heard enough from you. It's the rest of you that I have heard enough from.
James's work is growing in strength with every new piece of ART that he releases. Everyone has to start somewhere. we're all like little seeds and eventually we will all grow into big seeds. Let the man express himself the best way he knows how, through cottercasts and films. I for one salute him. Let's be supportive guys!
The people on this forum make me sick 
and angry 