NAPOLEON SITS AT HIS DESK READING ALOUD AS HE WRITES.
NAPOLEON
This is the journal of Napoleon Bonaparte, emperor of France, spreader of the enlightenment. Well this is the 3rd journal, who keeps stealing them? How I miss my fair Josephine and her delightfully pungent lady garden, truly the sweet smell of success.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR CAPTAIN JENKINS ENTERS.
CAPTAIN
Good evening field marshal, how are you?
NAPOLEON
As well as a former dictator of all Europe can be when exiled to this dreadful isle.
CAPTAIN
Are your accomadations comfortable?
NAPOLEON
Well they're adequate for a failed warrior la Belle Francaise. But some one keeps stealing my journal.
CAPTAIN
How dreadful if it's any of my soldiers I'll have them flogged then hanged.
NAPOLEON
They'res some very personal stuff in there...hang on what's that enchanting, arousing smell?
CAPTAIN
Well I wanted to make it a surprise, but you smelled me out. Your Josephine has rowed to this island this very night.
NAPOLEON
Ah my sweet!
NAPOLEON RUNS OUTSIDE
HE SEES THERE IS A BIG PILE OF ROTTEN FISH SHOVED INTO A DRESS WITH A BLOND WIG ON IT
ALL THE ENGLISH SOLDIERS SURROUND IT POINTING AND LAUGHING AT NAPOLEON
NAPOLEON
Wankers.