EXTERIOR: TV GARDENING PROGRAMME.
PRESENTER
Hello. Today we're visiting the gardening patients of Broadmoor Hospital, to get some seasonal planting tips. Head gardener is Jimmy 'Green Fingers' McNaulty. Hello Jimmy.
JIMMY
Hello
PRESENTER
So what have you planted here?
JIMMY
Well we've just put in a large patio area over there, and in about 15 years time we're expecting to see a lovely crop with maybe 4 or 5 bodies being exhumed.
PRESENTER
Hmm, I see. But that's not the only way to dig these in, is it?
JIMMY
No, not at all. At this time of year, you can take your spade like this, and divide the corpse into several pieces. Then simply pop each one into a black plastic bag, spread them all around the place, and they should be discovered come autumn.
PRESENTER
Lovely. What if you want a quicker crop?
JIMMY
Well then you can't beat a shallow grave, like this one.
HE POINTS AT SOME NEWLY-DUG EARTH WITH A HAND STICKING OUT
This will be found by some bloke with a dog by summer.
PRESENTER
I see. So what variety have you planted ?
JIMMY
Well this is a prostitute, which is particularly useful for keeping down the weeds.
PRESENTER
How come?
JIMMY
Well you see...
HE REACHES DOWN AND GRASPS THE DEAD HAND
...you've always got a 'hoe' to hand!
PRESENTER LAUGHS POLITELY