For radio...
In farmer accents
GILES
What're you doing over there, Jack?
JACK
I'm cutting me a crop circle.
GILES
What's one of them, then?
JACK
It's a circle - cut in my crops.
GILES
Oh. Why?
JACK
Well I won't profess to knowing exactly, Giles, but the wife watched it on one of her programmes, didn't she?
GILES
So she said you should cut a circle in your crops?
JACK
That's right. 'Jack', she said to me. 'Jack, you want one of them crop circles, you do, you'll capture the American market.'
GILES
Capture the American market, eh?
JACK
Capture the American market.
GILES
'Cos Truro had one of them French markets a couple of years back, didn't they? Don't think Truro has any crop circles.
JACK
Ah, but I don't suppose I'm trying to capture the French market, am I?
GILES
No, I didn't much like that Dijon mustard. How're you going to get one of them circles cut in your crops then?
JACK
Bertie the goat. I've tethered him to a stake.
GILES
So he can only go out a certain way, munching like.
JACK
Bertie can munch through a circle, and then we will capture the American Mark...oh.
F/X Twang. Frenzied munching.
GILES
You didn't want to tether him like that.
JACK
What market are we going to capture now?
GILES
It's like a zig zag, that.
JACK
She didn't say anything about any crop zig zag.
GILES
You've just lost a lot of your crops.
JACK
I've lost a lot of my crops.