Skit comp reject

An idea I had for the skit comp this week. Topic was murder.
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MURDER SCENE. WE SEE FOUR CHALKED OUTLINES OF BODIES ON THE FLOOR.

DETECTIVE
What have we got here?

ASSISTANT
It looks like JLS sir. It appears someone has murdered them all.

DETECTIVE
Them all? What...even the chinese one?

ASSISTANT POINTS TO ONE OF THE CHALKED OUTLINES

DETECTIVE
The one that sticks out like a sore thumb?

ASSISTANT RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND GLANCES AT THE FLOOR. WE SEE ONE OF THE CHALKED OUTLINES HAS AN OVERSIZED EGG SHAPED HEAD.

DETECTIVE
The one that can't dance?

ASSISTANT POINTS TO A DEFORMED CHALKED OUTLINE

DETECTIVE
The other one?

ASSISTANT POINTS TO A GENERIC CHALK OUTLINE ON THE FLOOR

DETECTIVE
Well Carter, our work is done here. Have the bodies sent to the incinerator.

ASSISTANT
Shall we inform the families sir?

DETECTIVE
No. We don't want to give their siblings another bloody sob story for next year.

END

Nice idea - funny bits for me are the big head & the generic outline.

Ending is the right idea but seems a little clunky. Again, no suggestions from me as I'm crap - but it might be worth a tinker.

Hey Craig, I liked it, especially the sob story bit.

Only bit that confused me was the 'Chinese' one? Do you mean JB, the one who always wears a bowtie?

Cheers guys.

I don't know "that much" about them Angie - by the chinese one I was referring to the small one, the leader as it were, who can't resist doing a backflip at every opportunity.

Nice idea.
And the pay off is clever.

Quote: Craig H @ March 31 2010, 9:15 AM BST

Cheers guys.

I don't know "that much" about them Angie - by the chinese one I was referring to the small one, the leader as it were, who can't resist doing a backflip at every opportunity.

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LOL!

That's Aston, he's not Chinese, but it is his favourite food, blue is his favourite colour, if you need any more JLS info, don't hesitate to PM me

I really liked this and thought the end worked well. Would probably have got my vote. Bit worried by Angie's indepth knowledge

Quote: Kasm @ April 1 2010, 6:17 AM BST

I really liked this and thought the end worked well. Would probably have got my vote. Bit worried by Angie's indepth knowledge

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Awethat's harsh Kasm! Would have probably got my vote! lol. Thanks for the feedback matey. Appreciate it.

One question and one question only Angie. Is there anything he's allergic to?

I'll ask him next time I see him, but the JLS boys have been banned from signing their autographs on their fans boobies after one developed an allergic reaction to the ink.

Quote: AngieBaby @ April 2 2010, 12:01 AM BST

I'll ask him next time I see him, but the JLS boys have been banned from signing their autographs on their fans boobies after one developed an allergic reaction to the ink.

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and we all know what the ink is.