Hi team,
I wrote this a while ago and showed it to some chums who said it was a bit similar to a prostitute joke in Flight of Conchords (which I've not seen).
Is this the case? Should I trash it because of that or publish and be damned?! Any thoughts on how to make it 'more different' (if it is too similar)?
(Int: A house. Wendy sits, fuming, reading a letter. There is a knock at the door, she gets up and we follow her as she answers it. Nick is standing there)
WENDY
(Thrusting letter at Nick)
Did you send this? (she returns to the original room. Nick follows looking at the letter. He looks up when he has finished.
NICK
Yup.
WENDY
Would you kindly explain what it is?
NICK
Eh, yeah, if you want.
WENDY
(after a moment) Now, please.
NICK
Oh ok. You know I've always wanted to be a professional comedian?
WENDY
Yes.
NICK
How eventually I wanted to earn money by making people laugh?
WENDY
(slightly impatiently) Yes, yes.
NICK
Well, I've decided to invoice all my friends. You know, for when I made them laugh.
WENDY
(Pause) Are you kidding?
NICK
Oh no, it's really the only way to be taken seriously. You were the one who mentioned it, in fact. Thank you so much for your support. It's because of people like you that I can realise my drea-
WENDY
How the hell did you reach this figure (reading) £2,345.50?
NICK
Ah, that took some working out. I totted up the amount of times I'd met up with you. Then I allotted a different sum of money for every amusing thing I said and that you reacted to.
WENDY
What do you mean?
NICK
£1 for a smile, £1.50 for a chuckle, £2.50 for a laugh out loud - including anything in the written form, like texts, email, etc. Finally a whopping £5.00 if you actually wet yourself. Which you did once on that weekend in Newquay.
WENDY
(off guard, smiling) Oh yeah, God that was hilarious. When you put that caulifower on your sisters- (to Nick who is writing in a pocket pad) What are you doing?
NICK
(as he writes) That was a smile, Wendy.
WENDY
(about the letter) I'm not paying this, Nick.
NICK
I'm not singling you out. It's not victimization. Albert got one for nearly £5,000. He loves my stuff. Always wets himself!
WENDY
Who's Albert?
NICK
My incontinent grandfather.