Here is an updated version of the script. The first few scenes let me know what you think.
It's Party Time!
Episode 1
By Robert Wharton
Everything goes with a Bang
Scene 1: Exterior It's Party Time HQ. Car pulls up and parks and out steps Brian Philips. He looks at the building. We see Matt and Chris walking to work in the background they gradually approach Brian as he gets briefcase out of car etc. As they approach.....
Brian: Good Morning
Matt: Alright mate
Brian: Excuse me?
Matt: I said Alright mate?
Brian: Yes I know there's nothing wrong with my hearing. I just mean is that they way you normally address people?
Matt: Yeah why?
Brian: Oh dear oh dear oh dear.... Now that won't do at all will it?
Matt: Look who are you?
Brian: I'm your new Boss. Brian Phillips the name. But you can call me Mr. Phillips. And you are?
Matt: Matt
Brian: Right Matthew you and I need to work on our basic manners don't we?
Matt: Do we? Oh and its Matt by the way.
Brian: Indeed. And who's this?
Matt: This is Chris.
Chris: Alright mate.
Brian: Oh not you as well. I despair. (he starts to walk away) oh I don't believe it (starts shouting to someone in the distance) Excuse me!!!
Scene 2: Interior It's Party Time HQ Reception (Studio). It is Monday morning and Mary the receptionist is at the desk. She has her coat on. The phone rings.
Mary: (on phone) Good Morning It's Party time Mary speaking how can I help you?... yes it is... yes very cold.... Well we have been without heat for the whole weekend and we have a children's party scheduled this afternoon.... Well we have a new manager starting today .... I really don't know what he is going to say (Matt and Chris enter)
Both: Morning Mary
Mary: Oh good morning Boys. (on phone) yes well we would be most awfully grateful... thank you very much Good bye.
Chris: Any luck?
Mary: Well yes as a matter of fact. I got a letter from the Milkman this morning. I've got it here. (she gets a bit of paper out and starts reading) Dear Mrs. Number 24 I have noticed you from afar bringing in your milk at the crack of dawn dressed in nothing but that very sexy flannelette night gown. Would you do me the greatest honour and accompany me to the pub this Tuesday night..... Well my first intention was to refuse I mean he is about 60 with no hair, bad breath and dentures. But beggers can't be choosers now can they?
Matt: And who said Romance was dead. He sounds quite a catch
Chris: Yeah but I actually meant any luck with the boiler? Or are we still without Heat?
Mary: Oh I see what you mean (she laughs) Nope still nothing. But they should be here to fix it by 10:30 so then we should be up and running.
Matt: Cool. We just bumped into the new manager outside.
Mary: Oh really? What's he like? Is he tall dark and handsome. Someone who is likely to sweep me off my feet and treat me like a princess. Whisk me away to an uninhabited Island where we can make loud passionate love. Or is he like the old one?
Matt: He's a prat
Mary: Oh like the old one then
Chris: I don't think Mr, Carter was a prat. He was just misunderstood.
Matt: Well this new geezer just had a go at us because apparently we need to learn some manners coz we didn't greet him with hello pleased to meet you.
(the door opens and Brian enters still shouting at someone in the car park)
Brian: And next time you won't get off so lightly....(he walks to desk and addresses Mary) Morning. Brian Phillips (he shakes her hand)
Mary: Oh good morning. I'm Mary the Receptionist here at It's Party time.
Brian: Yes indeed. (he turns to the boys) and here we have? (they both smile) oh its you two again is it? Martin and Carl isn't it?
Matt: Its Matt and Chris actually.
Brian: Yes well I knew it was something. We got nothing to do today then?
Chris: Well we don't start for another five minutes and we were.....
Brian: just distracting my receptionists attention while she is supposed to be working.
Chris; Yes but.....
Brian: No buts lets get to work shall we.
Matt/Chris: Yes Mr. Phillips (they walk off glowering)
Brian: Right if anyone wants me I'll be in my office (he notices dirty marks on floor) just a minute whats going on why is there all these marks on the floor. Why has the cleaner not cleaned it properly.
Mary: (not listening) I've got bad news I'm afraid the old boiler has stopped working Mr. Philips
Brian: Well even if the cleaning lady is getting on in years Mary there is no need to refer to her as an old boiler
Mary: No no no I didn't mean that at all. Have you noticed anything peculiar about me?
Brian: Well I wouldn't say peculiar..... A little odd perhaps
Mary: I'm wearing my coat and my thermal underwear Mr. Philips
Brian: Well I noticed the coat but as for the erm... under things (he gestures) Why have you got your coat on?
Mary: Well that's what I was trying to explain when I said about the old boiler. Its packed up.
Brian: Packed up? Since when?
Mary: Saturday Lunchtime. Right in the middle of a children's party. It just went, took the gas ovens with it right in the middle of when Matt was cooking the birthday tea of chicken nuggets and chips.
Brian: So whats being done about it?
Mary: ( Not listening) So they had to make do with a Banana and a kit kat. You should of seen there poor little faces.
Brian: ( Not caring) I mean whats been done about the heat
Mary: Just been on the phone to the boiler man and they should be here to fix it by 10:30.
Brian: Is there any parties on today?
Mary: Yes Mr. Philips another Childrens party due at 2:30. I hope they fix the boiler when they come or we will have to send out for 24 Happy Meals.
Brian: Well let me know when they arrive and I will come and supervise.
Mary: (saluting him) yes Mr. Philips (he exits upstairs)
(Sharon comes round the corner)
Sharon: Who was that?
Mary; Mr. Phillips. The new boss.
Sharon; Well I hope he's an improvement on the last one.
Mary: How is Mr. Carter?
Sharon: He's still in therapy
Mary: Oh the poor dear
Sharon: I mean it's enough to send anyone over the edge. Being held captive by two nymphomaniacs from the WI. What I saw when I opened the cleaning cupboard you would never believe. I'm still having nightmares about it. So goodness knows what he must be going through.
Mary: Well if this new chap is anything to go by it might be us needing the therapy before long.
Sharon: Oh really? I better go and see for myself. Wish me luck.
(Sharon exits up stairs)
Scene 3: Brian's Office Interior (Studio) Brian is standing behind the desk looking out of the window. There is a knock at the door.
Brian: Come in (Sharon enters)
Sharon: Hello. I'm Sharon Tyler the senior party organiser.
Brian: Ah of course. My right hand man as it were. Or in this case my right hand wom.... Err.... Person. Do take a seat.
Sharon: Thank you. So how are you finding us?
Brian: Well so far I have noticed a few little wrinkles that need ironing out. I mean take that woman on the reception desk.
Sharon: Who Mary?
Brian: Yes she does seem a little odd. Or it could just be me.
Sharon: Are you a little odd then?
Brian: No no no. And then there's them other two lads. If they stood any closer to each other they would have been in each others pockets.
Sharon: Oh you mean Matt and Chris? Well there sort of.... Well....
Brian: Yes?
Sharon: Lovely Boys
Brian: I'm sure they are but they're not joined at the hip or any other part of the anatomy come to that.
Sharon: Well not during working hours anyway
Brian: What do you mean by that?
Sharon: Never mind
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: I've never been so insulted. I walked past a group of workmen on my way to work and I didn't get so much as a whistle out of any of them. I must be loosing my touch (she exits)
Brian: What was that?
Sharon: That was Sophie. Your secretary.
Brian: Really? Well looks like a few things are going to be changing round here. So are there any more staff that I need to be aware of?
Sharon: Well there's Anita. She's quite new. Her and Chris are junior party organisers who also get hired out to events such as Stag and Hen nights. Then there's Willie.
Brian: And he is?
Sharon: Wonderful Willie. The children's entertainer and magic act.
Brian: Is he any good?
Sharon: He's interesting. You'll see for yourself.
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: Your wife's on the phone. She sounds right ratty. (she exits)
Brian: If you'll excuse me I'll just take this. (on phone) hello.... Hello dear.... I did say goodbye this morning.... Just before I put some food out for the cat...... well I don't know what time I'll be home.....(he holds receiver away from his ear and all we can hear is shouting) yes but..... (same business) ok I'll be home by 5 o'clock.... Yes dear..... But...(the sound of a phone hanging up) just the wife. You know got to keep her in check.
Sharon: It sounded as if it was the other way around.
Scene 4: Interior Staff Room (Studio) Chris and Anita are sat round the table drinking coffee wearing their coats.
Anita: Why is it so cold?
Chris: Because the boiler is broke
Anita: Oh so have they turned the heating off?
Chris: What?
Anita: Well because the boilers broke aren't we allowed any heating on?
Chris: Your serious aren't you?
Anita: Of course. I don't know why they can't just send us home. They can't hold a kids party in these conditions.
Chris: They might aswell hold it outside it's probably a bit warmer out there!
(Willie enters in full Wizard costume)
Willie: It's no good I can't go on I can't work like this!!!
Chris: What's the matter Willie?
Willie: Well where do I begin? My magic cabinet is like an ice box, my crystal ball has condensation and Conrad the Canary has frost bite.
Anita: Not a good day then?
Willie: Absolutely not Anita.
Anita: Anything we can do to cheer you up?
Chris: I know what he would like you to do.
Anita: Whats that?
Chris: Get your tits out.
Anita: The only time I do that is in a professional manner. Stag nights, 80th Birthday parties that sort of thing and I even did a Hen night once.
Willie: That's all right Anita. If I wanted to see your breasts. I would pay on the door like everybody else. (Anita and Mike react) Now if you'll excuse me I am going upstairs to have a word with this new boss to see if he'll listen to me. No one else seems to. (exits)
Anita: Cheeky bugger calling me a Cheap tart!
Chris: (looks her up and down) (Sarcastically) I don't know what made him think that.
( Matt enters)
Matt: Alright guys?
Chris: Yeah not bad. Brass monkeys though ent it?
Matt: The kitchens no better I got 12 packets of fish fingers on the side if it stays like this they will stay fresh for months.
Anita: I'm going to give him a piece of my mind next time I see him.
Chris: I don't think you've got much to spare
Matt: What you talking about?
Anita: Willie. He just as much said I am a cheap floozy.
(Matt and Chris Exchange glances)
Matt: (sarcastically) Really?
Scene 5: Mr. Philips office Interior Studio. Brian is sitting at his desk wearing his coat. There is a gentle knock at the door.
Brian: Come in! (Willie enters)
Willie: Hello you must be Mr. Phillips? I'm Willie I Just wondered if you had time for a quick chat. You know man to man as it were.
Brian: Ah Wonderful Willie the children's entertainer? Yes sit down I've been wanting to have a chat with you
Willie: Oh that is awfully kind of you I know you must be a very busy man with your first day at the helm
Brian: Yes well I don't think this will wait. Sharon has been telling me all about you.
Willie: All good I hope?
Brian: Well I wouldn't quite have put it that way
Willie: Oh dear. Well I've been thinking about my magic act.
Brian: Yes I think the parents of that little girl you tried to suffocate had a few thoughts about it as well. What's more I've just had a telephone call from the girls father this morning and he put his thoughts into words.
Willie: What did he say?
Brian: Well he made comments like "he should be locked up" "how is he aloud to work with children?" and "I wouldn't trust him to work in a zoo"
Willie: It is like working in a Zoo sometimes.
Brian: Well I'm sorry Willie things like this seem to be happening quite frequently I've been having a look through your personal file. There was this incident and then last month you threatened a child with a chain saw We've been lucky this time they're not going to press charges but this really can't carry on I really am going to have to consider whether I can allow you to continue your position as children's entertainer.
Willie: You mean your firing me?
Brian: Well if this continues Willie then I may not have a lot of choice. I really am going to need to think very hard about it.
Willie: As you wish Mr. Phillips. But before I go I'd just like to say how very much I have enjoyed working here these last few years. I mean I never really knew my family. Well that tends to be traditional with children in an orphanage. I was beginning to look at everyone here as the family I never had. Anyway I know your very busy. So I won't be a bother to you anymore. I'll just go and throw myself off the roof. (Brian reacts as Willie exits)
Scene 6: Reception Area. Mary is sitting at her desk as Willie plods down the stairs.
Mary: Everything ok Willie?
Willie: No Mary if you must know everything is not OK.
Mary: What's wrong? Would you like to talk about it?
Willie: No thank you. I have something to do. If you'll excuse me. (he walks off down the corridor)
(Matt, Chris and Anita enter from staff room)
Matt: Was that Willie?
Mary: Yes he looked awful.
Anita: He always looks awful
Mary: No even worse than usual
Anita. Blimey
Chris: What did he say?
Mary: Well not a lot. I think he had been up to see Mr. Phillips and he said he had something to do.
Matt: It was probably about that kid he tried to murder.
Chris: Oh I think that was an accident.
Anita: Oh come off it. Yesterday we had that and a few weeks ago we had that incident with the chain saw. Nope I think we've got a serial killer on our hands.
Matt: Oh he's hardly a serial killer. I mean no ones died have they?
Anita: Well not yet. Maybe he'll have his first success with this party this afternoon. (they all exchange looks. Sharon enters)
Sharon: What's wrong with Willie? He was walking down the corridor twitching and mumbling to himself.
Mary: He'd been up to see Mr. Phillips
Sharon: What and he came out like that?
Matt: If he can reduce someone to a snivelling wreck in the space of a few minutes whats working with him going to be like?
Sharon: I better go and see what happened. (she goes upstairs)
Scene 7: Brian's office. He is sitting behind the desk with Sharon sitting in front of him.
Sharon: I wanted to have a word with you about Willie.
Brian: Yes all in good time. Now about this party this afternoon. What's the usual plan of action?
Sharon: Well when the Children arrive they will be met by Anita and Chris who will lead them to the events hall with a chorus of follow my leader, they will be received in the hall by Wonderful Willie who will spend 45 minutes doing his magic routine making them disappear and sawing them in half...
Brian: Well I don't mind him sawing then in half as long as he remembers to put them back together again afterwards. Oh and make sure his chain saw is under lock and key I don't want another law suit on my hands, like when he nearly decapitated 7 children. When I was reading this report I couldn't believe my eyes. This is going to be his last chance to prove himself.
Sharon: He said it was an accident.
Brian: Well an accident or not I cannot have a magic man waving an electric chain saw around we might not be so lucky next time.
Sharon: I'll make him bring it up later. So then after Wonderful Willie Chris and Anita will play some party games such as pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. Then after all this Matt will serve up the birthday tea of fish fingers, chips and beans followed by jelly and Ice cream and a big birthday cake where we all join in with singing Happy Birthday. Then they each receive a party bag and then we kick them all out.
Brian: You seem to be forgetting something. If they can't fix the boiler we may have to cancel!
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: Do you want the bad news or the disaster?
Sharon: Whats the matter?
Sophie: Well....
Brian: Just a minute, Sophie you really can't keep bursting into my office like this I might be interviewing all sorts of people in private in here.
Sophie: Yeah well... I think you will want to hear about this
Brian: What?
Sophie: The Boiler men's lorry has over turned on the motor way they will not be able to get here to fix the boiler.
Brian: Oh this is all I need, looks like we are going to have to cancel the party after all and what's worse they will want a refund.
Sophie: You can't cancel the party think of all the disappointed kids.
Brian: What else can I do?
Sharon: You know I think Sophie's right. Have you never heard of the show must go on?
Brian: What you suggesting?
Sharon: Fix the heat ourselves, It might be the only way of keeping the party on.
Brian: I suppose it is worth a go. Can you ask Chris and Matt to look into that then Sharon?
Sharon: Of course
(Sharon exits)
Brian: Was there anything else Sophie?
Sophie: Oh yeah I nearly forgot Willie is walking round the corridors muttering to himself and twitching looks like he might be having a nervous breakdown.
Brian: (Alarmed) Oh No
Sophie: What's up? he's only a third rate magician who tries to cut kids heads off. I'm sure we can manage without him.
Brian: No the party this afternoon has specifically asked for a magic show. Its going to be the main event
Sophie: Not going to be much of a party then is it? Well if I were you I would go and talk to him before he does something stupid.
Brian: Like what?
Sophie: Well last time anyone saw him he was heading towards the cupboard where he keeps his chain saw.
(Brian Rushes out just as Sharon is coming in)
Here is an updated version of the script. The first few scenes let me know what you think.
It's Party Time!
Episode 1
By Robert Wharton
Everything goes with a Bang
Scene 1: Exterior It's Party Time HQ. Car pulls up and parks and out steps Brian Philips. He looks at the building. We see Matt and Chris walking to work in the background they gradually approach Brian as he gets briefcase out of car etc. As they approach.....
Brian: Good Morning
Matt: Alright mate
Brian: Excuse me?
Matt: I said Alright mate?
Brian: Yes I know there's nothing wrong with my hearing. I just mean is that they way you normally address people?
Matt: Yeah why?
Brian: Oh dear oh dear oh dear.... Now that won't do at all will it?
Matt: Look who are you?
Brian: I'm your new Boss. Brian Phillips the name. But you can call me Mr. Phillips. And you are?
Matt: Matt
Brian: Right Matthew you and I need to work on our basic manners don't we?
Matt: Do we? Oh and its Matt by the way.
Brian: Indeed. And who's this?
Matt: This is Chris.
Chris: Alright mate.
Brian: Oh not you as well. I despair. (he starts to walk away) oh I don't believe it (starts shouting to someone in the distance) Excuse me!!!
Scene 2: Interior It's Party Time HQ Reception (Studio). It is Monday morning and Mary the receptionist is at the desk. She has her coat on. The phone rings.
Mary: (on phone) Good Morning It's Party time Mary speaking how can I help you?... yes it is... yes very cold.... Well we have been without heat for the whole weekend and we have a children's party scheduled this afternoon.... Well we have a new manager starting today .... I really don't know what he is going to say (Matt and Chris enter)
Both: Morning Mary
Mary: Oh good morning Boys. (on phone) yes well we would be most awfully grateful... thank you very much Good bye.
Chris: Any luck?
Mary: Well yes as a matter of fact. I got a letter from the Milkman this morning. I've got it here. (she gets a bit of paper out and starts reading) Dear Mrs. Number 24 I have noticed you from afar bringing in your milk at the crack of dawn dressed in nothing but that very sexy flannelette night gown. Would you do me the greatest honour and accompany me to the pub this Tuesday night..... Well my first intention was to refuse I mean he is about 60 with no hair, bad breath and dentures. But beggers can't be choosers now can they?
Matt: And who said Romance was dead. He sounds quite a catch
Chris: Yeah but I actually meant any luck with the boiler? Or are we still without Heat?
Mary: Oh I see what you mean (she laughs) Nope still nothing. But they should be here to fix it by 10:30 so then we should be up and running.
Matt: Cool. We just bumped into the new manager outside.
Mary: Oh really? What's he like? Is he tall dark and handsome. Someone who is likely to sweep me off my feet and treat me like a princess. Whisk me away to an uninhabited Island where we can make loud passionate love. Or is he like the old one?
Matt: He's a prat
Mary: Oh like the old one then
Chris: I don't think Mr, Carter was a prat. He was just misunderstood.
Matt: Well this new geezer just had a go at us because apparently we need to learn some manners coz we didn't greet him with hello pleased to meet you.
(the door opens and Brian enters still shouting at someone in the car park)
Brian: And next time you won't get off so lightly....(he walks to desk and addresses Mary) Morning. Brian Phillips (he shakes her hand)
Mary: Oh good morning. I'm Mary the Receptionist here at It's Party time.
Brian: Yes indeed. (he turns to the boys) and here we have? (they both smile) oh its you two again is it? Martin and Carl isn't it?
Matt: Its Matt and Chris actually.
Brian: Yes well I knew it was something. We got nothing to do today then?
Chris: Well we don't start for another five minutes and we were.....
Brian: just distracting my receptionists attention while she is supposed to be working.
Chris; Yes but.....
Brian: No buts lets get to work shall we.
Matt/Chris: Yes Mr. Phillips (they walk off glowering)
Brian: Right if anyone wants me I'll be in my office (he notices dirty marks on floor) just a minute whats going on why is there all these marks on the floor. Why has the cleaner not cleaned it properly.
Mary: (not listening) I've got bad news I'm afraid the old boiler has stopped working Mr. Philips
Brian: Well even if the cleaning lady is getting on in years Mary there is no need to refer to her as an old boiler
Mary: No no no I didn't mean that at all. Have you noticed anything peculiar about me?
Brian: Well I wouldn't say peculiar..... A little odd perhaps
Mary: I'm wearing my coat and my thermal underwear Mr. Philips
Brian: Well I noticed the coat but as for the erm... under things (he gestures) Why have you got your coat on?
Mary: Well that's what I was trying to explain when I said about the old boiler. Its packed up.
Brian: Packed up? Since when?
Mary: Saturday Lunchtime. Right in the middle of a children's party. It just went, took the gas ovens with it right in the middle of when Matt was cooking the birthday tea of chicken nuggets and chips.
Brian: So whats being done about it?
Mary: ( Not listening) So they had to make do with a Banana and a kit kat. You should of seen there poor little faces.
Brian: ( Not caring) I mean whats been done about the heat
Mary: Just been on the phone to the boiler man and they should be here to fix it by 10:30.
Brian: Is there any parties on today?
Mary: Yes Mr. Philips another Childrens party due at 2:30. I hope they fix the boiler when they come or we will have to send out for 24 Happy Meals.
Brian: Well let me know when they arrive and I will come and supervise.
Mary: (saluting him) yes Mr. Philips (he exits upstairs)
(Sharon comes round the corner)
Sharon: Who was that?
Mary; Mr. Phillips. The new boss.
Sharon; Well I hope he's an improvement on the last one.
Mary: How is Mr. Carter?
Sharon: He's still in therapy
Mary: Oh the poor dear
Sharon: I mean it's enough to send anyone over the edge. Being held captive by two nymphomaniacs from the WI. What I saw when I opened the cleaning cupboard you would never believe. I'm still having nightmares about it. So goodness knows what he must be going through.
Mary: Well if this new chap is anything to go by it might be us needing the therapy before long.
Sharon: Oh really? I better go and see for myself. Wish me luck.
(Sharon exits up stairs)
Scene 3: Brian's Office Interior (Studio) Brian is standing behind the desk looking out of the window. There is a knock at the door.
Brian: Come in (Sharon enters)
Sharon: Hello. I'm Sharon Tyler the senior party organiser.
Brian: Ah of course. My right hand man as it were. Or in this case my right hand wom.... Err.... Person. Do take a seat.
Sharon: Thank you. So how are you finding us?
Brian: Well so far I have noticed a few little wrinkles that need ironing out. I mean take that woman on the reception desk.
Sharon: Who Mary?
Brian: Yes she does seem a little odd. Or it could just be me.
Sharon: Are you a little odd then?
Brian: No no no. And then there's them other two lads. If they stood any closer to each other they would have been in each others pockets.
Sharon: Oh you mean Matt and Chris? Well there sort of.... Well....
Brian: Yes?
Sharon: Lovely Boys
Brian: I'm sure they are but they're not joined at the hip or any other part of the anatomy come to that.
Sharon: Well not during working hours anyway
Brian: What do you mean by that?
Sharon: Never mind
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: I've never been so insulted. I walked past a group of workmen on my way to work and I didn't get so much as a whistle out of any of them. I must be loosing my touch (she exits)
Brian: What was that?
Sharon: That was Sophie. Your secretary.
Brian: Really? Well looks like a few things are going to be changing round here. So are there any more staff that I need to be aware of?
Sharon: Well there's Anita. She's quite new. Her and Chris are junior party organisers who also get hired out to events such as Stag and Hen nights. Then there's Willie.
Brian: And he is?
Sharon: Wonderful Willie. The children's entertainer and magic act.
Brian: Is he any good?
Sharon: He's interesting. You'll see for yourself.
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: Your wife's on the phone. She sounds right ratty. (she exits)
Brian: If you'll excuse me I'll just take this. (on phone) hello.... Hello dear.... I did say goodbye this morning.... Just before I put some food out for the cat...... well I don't know what time I'll be home.....(he holds receiver away from his ear and all we can hear is shouting) yes but..... (same business) ok I'll be home by 5 o'clock.... Yes dear..... But...(the sound of a phone hanging up) just the wife. You know got to keep her in check.
Sharon: It sounded as if it was the other way around.
Scene 4: Interior Staff Room (Studio) Chris and Anita are sat round the table drinking coffee wearing their coats.
Anita: Why is it so cold?
Chris: Because the boiler is broke
Anita: Oh so have they turned the heating off?
Chris: What?
Anita: Well because the boilers broke aren't we allowed any heating on?
Chris: Your serious aren't you?
Anita: Of course. I don't know why they can't just send us home. They can't hold a kids party in these conditions.
Chris: They might aswell hold it outside it's probably a bit warmer out there!
(Willie enters in full Wizard costume)
Willie: It's no good I can't go on I can't work like this!!!
Chris: What's the matter Willie?
Willie: Well where do I begin? My magic cabinet is like an ice box, my crystal ball has condensation and Conrad the Canary has frost bite.
Anita: Not a good day then?
Willie: Absolutely not Anita.
Anita: Anything we can do to cheer you up?
Chris: I know what he would like you to do.
Anita: Whats that?
Chris: Get your tits out.
Anita: The only time I do that is in a professional manner. Stag nights, 80th Birthday parties that sort of thing and I even did a Hen night once.
Willie: That's all right Anita. If I wanted to see your breasts. I would pay on the door like everybody else. (Anita and Mike react) Now if you'll excuse me I am going upstairs to have a word with this new boss to see if he'll listen to me. No one else seems to. (exits)
Anita: Cheeky bugger calling me a Cheap tart!
Chris: (looks her up and down) (Sarcastically) I don't know what made him think that.
( Matt enters)
Matt: Alright guys?
Chris: Yeah not bad. Brass monkeys though ent it?
Matt: The kitchens no better I got 12 packets of fish fingers on the side if it stays like this they will stay fresh for months.
Anita: I'm going to give him a piece of my mind next time I see him.
Chris: I don't think you've got much to spare
Matt: What you talking about?
Anita: Willie. He just as much said I am a cheap floozy.
(Matt and Chris Exchange glances)
Matt: (sarcastically) Really?
Scene 5: Mr. Philips office Interior Studio. Brian is sitting at his desk wearing his coat. There is a gentle knock at the door.
Brian: Come in! (Willie enters)
Willie: Hello you must be Mr. Phillips? I'm Willie I Just wondered if you had time for a quick chat. You know man to man as it were.
Brian: Ah Wonderful Willie the children's entertainer? Yes sit down I've been wanting to have a chat with you
Willie: Oh that is awfully kind of you I know you must be a very busy man with your first day at the helm
Brian: Yes well I don't think this will wait. Sharon has been telling me all about you.
Willie: All good I hope?
Brian: Well I wouldn't quite have put it that way
Willie: Oh dear. Well I've been thinking about my magic act.
Brian: Yes I think the parents of that little girl you tried to suffocate had a few thoughts about it as well. What's more I've just had a telephone call from the girls father this morning and he put his thoughts into words.
Willie: What did he say?
Brian: Well he made comments like "he should be locked up" "how is he aloud to work with children?" and "I wouldn't trust him to work in a zoo"
Willie: It is like working in a Zoo sometimes.
Brian: Well I'm sorry Willie things like this seem to be happening quite frequently I've been having a look through your personal file. There was this incident and then last month you threatened a child with a chain saw We've been lucky this time they're not going to press charges but this really can't carry on I really am going to have to consider whether I can allow you to continue your position as children's entertainer.
Willie: You mean your firing me?
Brian: Well if this continues Willie then I may not have a lot of choice. I really am going to need to think very hard about it.
Willie: As you wish Mr. Phillips. But before I go I'd just like to say how very much I have enjoyed working here these last few years. I mean I never really knew my family. Well that tends to be traditional with children in an orphanage. I was beginning to look at everyone here as the family I never had. Anyway I know your very busy. So I won't be a bother to you anymore. I'll just go and throw myself off the roof. (Brian reacts as Willie exits)
Scene 6: Reception Area. Mary is sitting at her desk as Willie plods down the stairs.
Mary: Everything ok Willie?
Willie: No Mary if you must know everything is not OK.
Mary: What's wrong? Would you like to talk about it?
Willie: No thank you. I have something to do. If you'll excuse me. (he walks off down the corridor)
(Matt, Chris and Anita enter from staff room)
Matt: Was that Willie?
Mary: Yes he looked awful.
Anita: He always looks awful
Mary: No even worse than usual
Anita. Blimey
Chris: What did he say?
Mary: Well not a lot. I think he had been up to see Mr. Phillips and he said he had something to do.
Matt: It was probably about that kid he tried to murder.
Chris: Oh I think that was an accident.
Anita: Oh come off it. Yesterday we had that and a few weeks ago we had that incident with the chain saw. Nope I think we've got a serial killer on our hands.
Matt: Oh he's hardly a serial killer. I mean no ones died have they?
Anita: Well not yet. Maybe he'll have his first success with this party this afternoon. (they all exchange looks. Sharon enters)
Sharon: What's wrong with Willie? He was walking down the corridor twitching and mumbling to himself.
Mary: He'd been up to see Mr. Phillips
Sharon: What and he came out like that?
Matt: If he can reduce someone to a snivelling wreck in the space of a few minutes whats working with him going to be like?
Sharon: I better go and see what happened. (she goes upstairs)
Scene 7: Brian's office. He is sitting behind the desk with Sharon sitting in front of him.
Sharon: I wanted to have a word with you about Willie.
Brian: Yes all in good time. Now about this party this afternoon. What's the usual plan of action?
Sharon: Well when the Children arrive they will be met by Anita and Chris who will lead them to the events hall with a chorus of follow my leader, they will be received in the hall by Wonderful Willie who will spend 45 minutes doing his magic routine making them disappear and sawing them in half...
Brian: Well I don't mind him sawing then in half as long as he remembers to put them back together again afterwards. Oh and make sure his chain saw is under lock and key I don't want another law suit on my hands, like when he nearly decapitated 7 children. When I was reading this report I couldn't believe my eyes. This is going to be his last chance to prove himself.
Sharon: He said it was an accident.
Brian: Well an accident or not I cannot have a magic man waving an electric chain saw around we might not be so lucky next time.
Sharon: I'll make him bring it up later. So then after Wonderful Willie Chris and Anita will play some party games such as pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. Then after all this Matt will serve up the birthday tea of fish fingers, chips and beans followed by jelly and Ice cream and a big birthday cake where we all join in with singing Happy Birthday. Then they each receive a party bag and then we kick them all out.
Brian: You seem to be forgetting something. If they can't fix the boiler we may have to cancel!
(Sophie bursts in)
Sophie: Do you want the bad news or the disaster?
Sharon: Whats the matter?
Sophie: Well....
Brian: Just a minute, Sophie you really can't keep bursting into my office like this I might be interviewing all sorts of people in private in here.
Sophie: Yeah well... I think you will want to hear about this
Brian: What?
Sophie: The Boiler men's lorry has over turned on the motor way they will not be able to get here to fix the boiler.
Brian: Oh this is all I need, looks like we are going to have to cancel the party after all and what's worse they will want a refund.
Sophie: You can't cancel the party think of all the disappointed kids.
Brian: What else can I do?
Sharon: You know I think Sophie's right. Have you never heard of the show must go on?
Brian: What you suggesting?
Sharon: Fix the heat ourselves, It might be the only way of keeping the party on.
Brian: I suppose it is worth a go. Can you ask Chris and Matt to look into that then Sharon?
Sharon: Of course
(Sharon exits)
Brian: Was there anything else Sophie?
Sophie: Oh yeah I nearly forgot Willie is walking round the corridors muttering to himself and twitching looks like he might be having a nervous breakdown.
Brian: (Alarmed) Oh No
Sophie: What's up? he's only a third rate magician who tries to cut kids heads off. I'm sure we can manage without him.
Brian: No the party this afternoon has specifically asked for a magic show. Its going to be the main event
Sophie: Not going to be much of a party then is it? Well if I were you I would go and talk to him before he does something stupid.
Brian: Like what?
Sophie: Well last time anyone saw him he was heading towards the cupboard where he keeps his chain saw.
(Brian Rushes out just as Sharon is coming in)
