The Talking Cure

Here is the first few opening scenes (Draft 1) from a new sitcom(?) I'm working on set in a therapists office, well at least the first episode is anyway. I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, or more importantly where it is going, but any comments are still much appreciated. Hopefully the formatting on this is much better than my previous effort.

ACT 1

AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN IS SHOWN, VOICES ARE HEARD BUT THE PROTAGONISTS ARE NOT YET SEEN.

Jason

It's like I hate everyone else because they aren't me, but hate myself because I am me.

Alan

And how does that make you feel Jason?

CUT TO:

INT. Therapist office

A TYPICAL THERAPISTS OFFICE IS NOW SHOWN, AND IT IS APPARENT THAT A THERAPY SESSIONS IS CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS

JASON

Honestly?

ALAN

I'm always looking for honesty.

JASON

Pretty damn confused! It's like I'm some self-deprecating Jew.

ALAN

I thought you were Catholic?

JASON

I am! I told you, it's confusing.

ALAN

You seem worse than ever this week. I was hoping we'd made some progress recently.

JASON

Progress? I come here every week and pay money to talk to you about my life. I'm not working to live, I'm working to re-live, and I gotta say, I didn't enjoy the living part too much first time around.

ALAN

I know Jason, if you did you wouldn't be here.

JASON

You're making jokes now Alan? That's great, even my therapist is making cracks.

ALAN

I'm not making jokes Jason.

JASON

How can we make progress when you haven't even diagnosed what's wrong with me?

ALAN

Well, I know you're depressed.

JASON

My neighbors cat knows I'm depressed. Happy people are either stupid or on drugs, or as in the majority of cases, dopes on dope. I mean, are you happy?

ALAN

I'm contented, but this isn't about me Jason.

JASON

Contented? What does that even mean?

ALAN

It means I'm content, happy with my lot in life.

JASON

Freud said you can either have civilization or happiness, you can't have both.

ALAN

Yes, I know what Freud said Jason.

JASON

I know you know.

ALAN

Then why say it?

JASON

Because, you know, I wanted you to know that I know. I bet you dream about Freud.

ALAN

Sadly not, what do you dream about?

JASON

Death mostly. I think I'm at my happiest when I sleep, I envy people in comas.

ALAN NOTES THIS DOWN IN HIS NOTEBOOK

JASON

Oh God I hate that.

ALAN

You hate what?

JASON

When you write something down. Why do you do that? Do you suffer from memory loss?

ALAN

So I can refer to it at a later date. I don't remember every detail of our conversations. Why does it bother you?

JASON

Everything bothers me.

ALAN

Okay, let's discuss this past week. How are you and Samantha doing?

JASON

We split up, but apart from that quite good.

ALAN

You split up?

JASON

That's what I just said, you do suffer from memory loss don't you Alan?

ALAN

Why did you split up?

JASON

Why did we split up?

ALAN

Yes Jason, why did you split up?

JASON

That's a very personal question.

ALAN

Jason!

JASON

I don't know, we just did.

ALAN

Well, how did it happen?

CUT TO:

INT. Jason's Apartment

A TYPICAL APARTMENT AREA IS SHOWN, JASON IS IN CONSULTATION WITH A WOMAN, SOON TO BE REVEALED AS SAMANTHA

JASON

Sam, If global warming was such a disaster, then why aren't the animals doing something about it? Why haven't the dolphins got together a task force of giraffes and antelopes and monkeys and sheep.

SAMANTHA

Jason, I don't think "us" is working anymore.

THE SCENE CURRENTLY PAUSES HERE, STAYING WITH THIS PICTURE ON SCREEN, AS WE HERE THE CONVERSATION THAT IS TAKING PLACE IN ALAN'S OFFICE

V/O ALAN

You split up over global warming?

V/O JASON

Climate change is very important to her. But no, that isn't why we broke up.

V/O ALAN

Did she tell you why?

V/O JASON

Alan, she's a woman, of course she told me. Sure, they start off all softly, but that's just to hook us in, and then it's BAM! Heart.Floor.Foot.Stomping.

V/O ALAN

What did she say?

V/O JASON

I'd tell you if you stopped interrupting.

THE SCENE CONTINUES TO PLAY OUT IN JASON'S APARTMENT

SAMANTHA

Jason, I don't think "us" is working anymore.

JASON

Because of climate change? I was only joking, how would the dolphins meet the giraffes? It's impossible, I know that Sam.

SAMANTHA

Yes Jason, I'm sure you do. That isn't the reason.

JASON

Then why?

SAMANTHA

I just don't think you take my feelings seriously enough.

JASON

Oh, don't be so silly. I don't even take my own feelings seriously. Yesterday I wanted a drink but was too scared to go into Tesco for fear of talking to the cashier.

V/O alan

Doesn't your Mum work in Tesco?

V/O Jason

Yeah, she was the cashier.

V/O ALAN

I'd like to come back to this later on.

SCENE CONTINUES IN JASON'S APARTMENT

SAMANTHA

It just get's very annoying Jason.

JASON

I annoy you, I annoy me. Don't you see? We have so much in common.

SAMANTHA

Do you remember what you said to me a few days ago when I accused you of seeing someone else?

cut to:

INT. cafe

JASON AND SAM ARE SITTING OPPOSITE EACH OTHER AT A TABLE IN A BUSY CAFE

SAMANTHA

Are you seeing someone else?

JASON

I'm sorry?

SAMANTHA

Was I the last person you had sex with?

JASON

I think so, when did we last have sex?

cut to:

INT. THERAPIST OFFICE

ALAN

Were you seeing someone else?

JASON

Of course not, I can't even satisfy one woman.

ALAN

You see, subconsciously I can't help but think you wanted this relationship to fail.

JASON

I doubt it, I hate change. Even when watching television I rarely change the channel, not even for pornography, which only makes me feel inadequate anyway.

ALAN

Really?

JASON

Lesbian pornography makes me feel inadequate.

ALAN

Does the thought of sex always bring out this fear of inadequacy.

JASON

Don't know.

ALAN

Well, do you consider yourself good in bed?

JASON

I enjoy myself. Then I get to go to sleep, night time is such a wonderful time for me.

ALAN

Do you not have sex in the daytime?

JASON

No, I'd never do that. I wouldn't want to tempt fate.

ALAN MAKES A NOTE OF THIS

JASON

Why is that noteworthy? You're making me feel all self conscious.

ALAN

Good, that's the point of therapy Jason. How did you react when Samantha broke up with you?

cut to:

INT. JASON'S APARTMENT

JASON

I think it's incredibly selfish of you to break up with me.

SAMANTHA

I'm sorry Jason, I just don't think you love me.

JASON

Love? Love? What's love got to do with anything. I think you're okay, that's a very big thing for me. And you think I'm okay don't you?

SAMANTHA

Sometimes.

JASON

Great. People have got married on less.

SAMANTHA

I just need more.

JASON

Typical. Everyone always wants more. Ever since Charles Dickens wrote Oliver people have wanted more. Suddenly the Workhouses weren't good enough for 'em.

SAMANTHA

I don't think I like you enough to make this work anymore.

JASON

Like me ENOUGH? I don't like me AT ALL, but I'm still here Baby! You don't see me running away at the first sign of trouble. I could have jumped off a bridge, or in front of a car, but I'm a fighter. Not a very good one, I'm the school bully who got his own lunch money stolen, but I survived, I just didn't eat.

V/O JASON

So you see, I fought vigorously to keep her.

The dialogue is sharp and funny, with some very good gags.

That's the good news.

The bad news is the dialogue is only sharp and funny, with some very good gags.

2 pages or so of back and forth with no character progress etc is a little tiring. Also it may have too much of a Sopranos vibe going on.

Quote: sootyj @ February 28 2010, 10:00 PM GMT

The dialogue is sharp and funny, with some very good gags.

That's the good news.

The bad news is the dialogue is only sharp and funny, with some very good gags.

2 pages or so of back and forth with no character progress etc is a little tiring. Also it may have too much of a Sopranos vibe going on.

View original

I think it's rips more from Woody Allen than the Sopranos but I see your point. As for the character progress, I think in order to prevent the monotony, I need to have lots and lots of scenes, which is what will happen next. Basically, lots of short scenes flicking back and forth, both prior to and after the event of Jason breaking up with Sam, which come about as Jason explains his week. I'm trying to write something a little more intellectual than my previous sitcom, which was too mainstream for my liking.

Quote: Mickeza @ February 28 2010, 10:43 PM GMT

I think it's rips more from Woody Allen than the Sopranos but I see your point.

View original

Echo Sooty. It is sharp and funny but it screams Woody Allen. It's uncannily like him, which may be a problem; not just the character but the similar neuroses, distances within sexual relationship, and the dialogue rhythms. Even the callout - freeze frame - and V/O reinforces the idea this is a lost Woody Allen movie.

Woody is King, so it's not all a bad thing, it just needs to feel less ripped.

I could only 'hear' Woody Allen throughout too.

(wish he'd stop playing that bloody clarinet in my shed.)

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ March 3 2010, 7:17 PM GMT

(wish he'd stop playing that bloody clarinet in my shed.)

View original

I've not heard that expression before. Have you told the authorities?

There is also a bit of George Costanza in there too I think, but as it progresses and becomes more and more a traditional(ish), I think the 'Allenisms' become less and less frequent. I'll put up a few more scenes, hopefully it stays funny but is less of a rip.

V/O JASON

So you see, I fought vigorously to keep her.

cut to:

INT. THERAPIST OFFICE

ALAN

Because you dislike change?

JASON

Yeah that, I also thought we had a good thing going on, I didn't hate her and she tolerated me, you can spend a lifetime searching for that.

ALAN

Why do you think it is you dislike change so much?

JASON

I just get attached to certain things, routines.

ALAN

Are you a habit eater?

JASON

Well, I try to eat everyday.

ALAN

That wasn't what I meant.

JASON

I know. Yeah, I suppose I generally eat the same thing every day. I've also had the same friends all my life.

ALAN

How are you're friends?

JASON

Well Johnny has been a pain as usual.

ALAN

How so?

cut to:

ext. Janine's STREET

JOHNNY AND JASON ARE WALKING DOWN A STREET TOWARD AN UNNAMED HOUSE

JASON

Why am I out of my flat?

JOHNNY

We've been over this, I need you for moral support. I've got to collect my stuff from Janine.

JASON

Why does everyone have to have stuff.

JOHNNY

I like stuff.

JASON

You've dragged me out of my home, my comfort area, for stuff.

JOHNNY

You like home way too much man.

JASON

It's my Colosseum, the place I function best, and most importantly where my bed is kept.

JOHNNY

And all your stuff.

JASON

Exactly, now you're getting it.

JOHNNY

Right, we're here.

JOHNNY GESTURES TOWARD A FRONT DOOR, AND BOTH HE AND JASON STOP OUTSIDE IT

JASON

I don't even know where here is.

JOHNNY

Janine's place. Now remember, we're in and out as quickly as possible. You're only here to stop the possibility of us getting back together, okay? Under no circumstances do you engage in small talk with her?

JASON

Small talk? You don't know me at all do you?

JOHNNY

I'm just saying. She has a way with me no other woman has. I don't want anything happening between us. Quickly in then out.

JASON

Very similar to my sexual technique.

JOHNNY RINGS THE BELL

JANINE

Oh Johnny!

JOHNNY

Oh Janine!

THEY COLLAPSE INTO EACH OTHERS ARMS AND BEGIN TO MAKE OUT PASSIONATELY

JASON

Oh really!

cut to:

INT. THERAPIST OFFICE

JASON

Two hours I was there for, while those two animals explored.

ALAN

How did you pass the time?

JASON

I listened, I tried not too but it got through eventually. There wasn't anything else to do, it's not like this girl was a reader.

ALAN

Do you enjoy reading?

JASON

Not really, I normally just check for spelling mistakes.

ALAN

Did you confront Johnny afterward?

JASON

You mean tell him how I felt? kind of.

cut to:

EXT. JANINE'S STREET

JASON

Do you have any idea how awkward that was?

JOHNNY

How do you know what position she was in?

JASON

Not for her Johnny, for me. I mean, I feel awkward just buying fruit.

JOHNNY

Hey look man, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you.

JASON

How can you possibly make it up to me? You've ruined my dreams Johnny. My dreams! And you know how important sleep is to me.

JOHNNY

I'll make you mega rich.

JASON

How?

JOHNNY

I'm going to rob a bank.

JASON

I'm pretty sure that's against the law.

JOHNNY

No, I'm going to rob it legally. I'll get their permission before hand.

V/O ALAN

How did that work out for him?

V/O JASON

Not entirely sure, I haven't seen him since.

END OF ACT 1.

ACT II

ALAN

How's work going?

JASON

Okay, I'm just about to begin writing my new book.

ALAN

That's good to hear. Can you tell me what it's about, or will I have to wait until it's in the shops?

JASON

I'm not sure what it's about yet, actually I've just come from a meeting with my agent and publisher discussing it. They weren't to happy with my initial ideas.

ALAN

Why?

cut to:

int. meeting room

JASON IS SAT OPPOSITE TWO MEN AT A MEDIUM SIZED TABLE IN A LARGE MEETING ROOM

OSCAR

We just don't know about this serial killer idea Jason.

BENJAMIN

Do all your books have to be so depressing?

JASON

Yes. It's what my fans like.

BENJAMIN

That's the problem, all your fans are future suicide victims. It just isn't a sustainable business model.

Oscar

Benjamin and I think you could be in danger of becoming, what's the word? Typecast.

JASON

What do you suggest I do Oscar?

BENJAMIN

Write a children's book.

JASON

No, I don't think so.

BENJAMIN

Why not?

JASON

Well for starters, I hate kids.

BENJAMIN

Okay. Well, how about you make the serial killer a clown?

OSCAR

Yes, I like that. And he could go around telling jokes as he killed people?

JASON

Jokes?

BENJAMIN

(Clicking Fingers)

So they die of laughter.

OSCAR

Brilliant Benjamin, absolutely brilliant.

JASON

Am I in an Orange film advert here or something?

OSCAR

Ya' see Jason, that's why he's a publisher.

BENJAMIN

"The serial killer walks into a bar, thus deciding upon his killing weapon."

JASON

Yeah, that's not funny. What if I join your two ideas together?

OSCAR

How?

JASON

A serial killer who kills children at birthday parties.

OSCAR

Where's the happy?

JASON

He only kills the naughty kids.

BOTH OSCAR AND BENJAMIN LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SHOUT

We love it!!