Newsjack Faily: Valentine's Day

Miles Jupp: The embarrassing Newsjack Valentine's Disco is fading fast from this anchorman's mind, last year's chat up lines failing miserably once more (Audience "Aw"). They might work better if I tried different people. Over the weekend, we had the good fortune to intercept this sentimental love letter from our present PM to the next one.

(Heartfelt music)

Dear David,

Politics can be a very lonely business. Just ask Jacqui Smith's husband. And it's definitely loneliest at the top. If you become the next Prime Minister then I won't hold you back. The last few months with you in opposition, and that cuddly chap Piers Morgan, have brought out my innermost feelings. I understand that I'm a small town Scot and you're an old Etonian, I understand you're brushed up and I'm out of Brownie points. I understand that you're on the political right and I'm on the political ...centre right. I understand all of this! But sometimes these things can just work out. Robbie Burns himself once said:

O my luve is like a red, red rose.
Well nearly, he's a Tory.
Same song sheet, and the same melodie,
Could be a tabloid -story.

Let me know how you feel. Perhaps a coalition would bring us together. "We can't go on like this." (Blubs)

Yours expectantly GB

Miles Jupp: No doubt it would have fallen as flat as Shrove Tuesday's pancakes.

I don't know if this really fits the style of the show, tbh. If it was to get on, I think you'd need to twist it so it was signed by somebody else; a bit of misdirection for a laugh at the end. Maybe make it sound like it's from Cameron's wife, but then sign GB or vice-versa (which would work better)

Dan

Yeah defo thanks for the advice. I neglected to think of the misdirection angle. I spose having it be Gordon Brown was relying to much on the Newsjack "Gordon Brown" voice. I find it hard to make up my mind about the Newsjack tone when I've heard it. Backs to the wall satire doesn't seem to fit, but neither does a lighthearted farcical tone.