INT. DAY - ART GALLERY
INDIA WALKS ALONG SIDE RALPH, AN OSTENTATIOUS CRITIC. HE IS WEARING A TARTAN SUIT. THEY WALK UP TO ARTIST .1 STOOD NEXT TO HIS PIECE OF ART = A COLLAPSED BRICK WALL ON TOP OF A BABY DOLL WITH A DRAWN ON HITLER MOUSTACHE. RALPH BRIEFLY TAKES STOCK THEN FLINGS HIS ARMS OUT WIDE.
RALPH
Wonderful!
RALPH ROCKS HIS HEAD BACK AND INHALES EXAGGERATEDLY. HE THEN TURNS HIS BACK TO THE ARTIST AND HUDDLES WITH INDIA.
RALPH
This man is clearly a genius! Marrying together such profound symbols, the catharsis, the romance it's all there and yet a dash of humour in using red bricks, clearly hinting at his European roots.
HE LOOKS BACK TO THE ARTIST.
RALPH
Marvellous work, truly marvellous. Could I just take your name?
ARTIST .1
(STRAIGHT-FACED) No.
RALPH
Ha! Brilliant, wonderful!
THEY MOVE ALONG. A SKINNY MAN, NAKED TOP HALF, IS SMASHING WOOD FURNITURE WITH A CLUB HAMMER, THEN THROWING PAINT IN TO THE AIR AND SPINNING AROUND.
RALPH
(SHOUTING ABOVE SOUND OF SMASHING) Very expressive, I must say! (TO INDIA) I don't think he heard me. (TO ARTIST) I say, you're making a terrific mess, I love it!
HE TURNS TO INDIA.
RALPH
Well, he doesn't have the originality of the first, but an artist with such enthusiasm and zeal it makes me feel so... (INHALES AGAIN) Alive! Put him down for special credit.
INDIA SCRIBBLES ON HER PAD. THEY MOVE ON, THERE IS A WOMAN SAT SOBBING IN THE MIDDLE OF A PILE OF YELLOW, RUBBER DUCKS.
INDIA
We've been told not to disturb this artist, Ralph. She relies on losing herself in her most painful childhood memory and just letting go of her emotions.
RALPH
And what is the significance of the rubber ducks?
INDIA
Apparently, they form the basis of her most harrowing memory.
RALPH
Excellent work! One of the most gripping pieces of art I've seen in my years. I think we should put her down as our provisional winner.
INDIA
There's just one more to see, Ralph.
THEY WALK UP TO A BRILLIANT CANVAS PAINTING STOOD ON A PILLAR.
RALPH
Well...this is...I'm not sure what to say, India. Ha! This is, how can I put it? Truly, an absolute piece of shit!
INDIA NODS HER HEAD IN AGREEMENT.
RALPH
It's disgusting, truly appalling and it turns my stomach. I can't even begin to think what sick mind has thought this up. I'm not surprised the artist hasn't bothered to turn up.
INDIA
Er, no, Ralph, he's here.
A LITTLE ANGELIC-LOOKING BOY WALKS OUT FROM BEHIND THE PILLAR.
RALPH
You're a truly, sick, sick boy. You should be ashamed of this vile debris put before us today. Actually, I'm so sickened...Police, police!
TWO POLICE OFFICERS COME OVER
RALPH
Take this little miscreant away.
THE POLICEMEN TAKE HIM UNDER THE ARMS, RAISE HIM UP AND LEAD HIM AWAY. RALPH SHAKES HIS HEAD DISGUSTEDLY.
END OF SKETCH
