A revised and extended version (with more to come). Just wanted to see if people think
a) it has a sensible progression
b)whether the dialogue reads ok and
c)if it has enough intrigue for you to want to read/know more.
As people said before it isn't out-and-out comedy so I'm mainly looking to see if it holds attention and offers a good enough story to keep interest.
Very big thanks.
INT. BATHROOM - DAY:
A YOUNG MAN (EARLY 20'S), NAKED FROM THE WAIST UP, IS SHAVING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR; HE NICKS HIMSELF; HE STEPS AWAY TO GET SOME TOILET ROLL, AS HE DOES SO HE CATCHES SIGHT OF SOMETHING ON HIS BACK.
LEO
What the...?
LEO POINTS HIS BACK TO THE MIRROR AND LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER; IN THE REFLECTION WE SEE HE HAS A MEDIUM-SIZED WIND-UP HANDLE BETWEEN HIS SHOULDER BLADES.
LEO
(LAUGHING TO HIMSELF; PROTRACTED) Noo.
HE CONTINUES TO SHAVE BUT THEN FLASHES HIS BACK TO THE MIRROR; THE WIND-UP HANDLE IS STILL THERE.
LEO
What?!
CUT TO: INT. LEO'S PARENTS' BEDROOM - DAY
LEO STORMING IN TO HIS ELDERLY PARENTS' BEDROOM.
LEO
Look! (HE POINTS HIS BACK TO THEM; HIS MUM PULLS DOWN HER NIGHTSHADES; DAD'S HEAD APPEARS ABOVE THE DUVET) Can you see that? I'm not seeing things am I? There's a f**king wind-up handle on my back!
HIS PARENTS LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
MUM
(UNDER HER BREATH) You've left the bloody handle in!
DAD
Well, we were gonna have to tell him at some point.
LEO
Tell me what?!
HIS PARENTS SIT UP IN BED.
MUM
I've been dreading this day.
LEO
What d'you mean?
MUM
Well, years ago, when your dad and me were trying for a baby, nothing was happening. Your dad wore loose pants, I tried putting a cushion under my back when we were...
LEO
Er, yeah, ok, but how does that explain this? (THRUSTS HIS BACK TO THEM)
DAD
Well, you're mum was so excited we were trying for a baby that she decided to tell everyone she was already pregnant.
MUM
I was willing it to happen.
DAD
...and this odd bloke gave us a little doll from his toy shop, for the baby he thought we were gonna have.
LEO
(PROTRACTED) And?
DAD
Well, you're that doll, Leo.
LEO
Don't be stupid!
MUM
Because we couldn't conceive naturally I started to look after the doll, you, like a real little boy. And with all our love and care you just seemed to keep growing and developing.
LEO
This sounds like bollocks.
DAD
It's not Leo.
MUM
When you got big enough we'd wind you up in the morning, send you to school and because you'd run down in three hours we'd come and wind you up again.
LEO
So you've had to wind me up every three hours and you never thought it would be a good idea to... (HE STOPS LIKE A STATUE)
MUM
I think it's your turn.
DAD CLIMBS OUT OF BED BEGRUDGINGLY AND TURNS THE HANDLE 360ยบ; LEO INSTANTLY RESTARTS HIS SENTENCE.
LEO
...tell me... (LEO NOTES HIS DAD AT HIS SIDE) How did you...? Did you...?
HIS DAD NODS HIS HEAD; LEO WIPES HIS FACE.
LEO
I s'pose this is the real reason I haven't got a belly button then? (PULLS HIS PYJAMA BOTTOMS DOWN SLIGHTLY AND RUBS HIS 'BUTTONLESS' STOMACH) I can't believe you haven't told me after all this time.
DAD
You can hardly blame us, Leo. I mean, look at how you've reacted now.
LEO
(REALISATION) Oh my god! What about when I was... (HE LOOKS DOWN SUGGESTIVELY)
MUM
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, we've found you in some, er, awkward situations, shall we say. (LEO BURIES HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS AND GROANS) Don't worry about it, Leo.
LEO
'Don't worry about it'?! I've just found out I'm a toy!
DAD
Oh, come on, it's not all bad Leo; at least you won't lose your hair like me. (HE RUBS HIS HEAD)
LEO
(SARCASTICALLY) Ha! Yeah, it's so funny isn't it? I die every three hours unless someone winds me up. Ha, ha!
MUM
Well, we don't mind doing it.
LEO
Yeah, but, I don't want to live with you like this forever.
MUM
You'll have to. Anyway, we like having you with us.
DAD
Yeah, but we will have to do something eventually, mum. I mean, I'm exhausted running around after him as it is and what happens a few more years down the line?
LEO
Exactly!
MUM LOOKS DAGGERS AT DAD.
MUM
Do you want him to leave?!
DAD
Well...no, but things can't carry on like this. He's got to have a life of his own and we won't be able to wind him up forever.
MUM
It's all very well saying things like that, but how is he ever going to be able to wind himself?
CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
LEO, WATCHED BY HIS PARENTS, IS ATTEMPTING TO WIND HIMSELF. HE HAS HIS TOP OFF AND IS TRYING TO FORCE HIS BACK ON TO THE WINDING KEY WHICH IS HELD IN PLACE BY THE CLOSED LIVING ROOM DOOR.
LEO
Am I near it?
MUM
Just a little bit lower.
LEO BENDS DOWN SLIGHTLY AND PUSHES HIS BACK TO THE WINDING KEY; HE KNOCKS IT ON TO THE FLOOR.
LEO
(PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS HEAD) Arggh! This isn't going to work.
DAD
Why don't you try it on the floor?
LEO
How do you mean?
DAD
Well, if you put it between some books. Look... (HE ARRANGES BOOKS ON THE FLOOR AND PUTS THE KEY BETWEEN THEM)...and just spin around.
LEO
So whenever I need to be rewound I have to take my top off, find some books, squeeze the key between them and then spin myself around on the floor?
DAD
(SMIRKING) Yeah. (MUM LAUGHS GUILTILY)
LEO
(DESPAIRING) You're not helping!
MUM
Well, what can we do, Leo?
LEO
I don't know! That's why I'm half-naked and trying to spin myself around in a door frame!
DAD
(PLACATING) Alright, Leo. We are trying to help but to be honest, we've been racking our brains for years thinking of a way around this.
LEO
What about the bloke you got me from? Did you ever find out if he knew why this happened?
MUM
We never wanted anyone to know.
LEO
Well, maybe he'll know a way around this.
LEO'S PARENTS EXCHANGE CONCERNED LOOKS.
END OF SCENE
Cheers.
