NJ: Dinky cars

A 100% failure rate for the series... Heres my last failure.

FX: INT. FOOTSTEPS AS KIDS ARE RUNNING IN HOUSE. AMBIENT SOUNDS OF TV AND FAMILY IN BACKGROUND.

KID #1:B-r-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-m-m-m-m

FX:KIDS MAKES CAR ENGINE AND SKIDDING SOUND.

KID #2:B-r-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-m-m-m-m

FX:KIDS MAKES CAR ENGINE AND SKIDDING SOUND.
KID #1:Brake, Johnny, brake. We're gonna crash.

KID #2:It's not working! The go-er pedal is stuck.

KID #1:Try the stopper one, the stopper!

KID #2:Not working either. No use. We're gonna….

FX:BOTH KIDS MAKE EXPLOSION NOISES AND FALL TO FLOOR. WE HEAR DOOR OPENING AS MUM APPROACHES BOYS.

MUM:Right you two outside and play. And stop copying Mummy's car.

END

The ending is too predictable and kind of a let-down, to be honest. It needs a different twist, I reckon. Maybe their two Mum's saying: 'Kids! Always copying what they see on the TV' or 'Kids! Always living in that fantasy world' or something much better but along those lines.

Build-up is good though.

Dan