British Comedy Guide

Jim's Gossip Column

A GROUP OF WAGS ARE SITTING ROUND A TABLE IN A COFFE SHOP CHATTING.

JESSICA ARRIVES AT THE TABLE
So ladies, what have I missed whilst I was away?

AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN (JIM) FROM ANOTHER TABLE PERKS UP.

JIM (talking from behind his paper)
Katie's having another boob-job. Alex is setting up the biggest fight of his career. Winehouse is making a comeback. Gazza is back on the booze. Docherty is clean. Terry's having a meltdown. Brangelina are splitting up. Thinkthat's about it.

THE WAGS STARE IN DISBELIEF.

JESSICA
Oh my god! Is that 'Okay' your reading?

JIM SHAKES HIS HEAD

PAMELA
Is it 'Hello!'?

JIM SHAKES HIS HEAD

ALICE
Gossip?

JIM SHAKES HIS HEAD

ELLEN
Ok?

JIM SHAKES HIS HEAD

ELLEN
Well, what are you reading then?

JIM
The Herald

ELLEN
So how did you.....

JIM
You see that building over there.

ELLEN
Yea

JIM
That's the rehab clinic. I run it.

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