Well, I got a (not rewritten!) sketch on so not going to complain this week. Here's one of the two failures.
Dan
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Gagging Order
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LEWIS:
After a well-publicised legal wrangle this week, there have been severe implications for all so-called super-injuctions. Subsequently, a glut of gagging orders have fallen apart, including one where a certain Mr Miles Jupp, was found to have had inappropriate relations (BEAT) with my cream bun.
MILES:
But I—
LEWIS:
(ANGRY) Shush, Miles! You ate my cream bun! (PAUSE – NORMAL) Anyway, it is with regret, that we here at Newsjack have deemed his position as anchor untenable and have passed the anchorhood to someone whose reputation has not been tarnished. (BEAT) Me! Yes, finally! It's my gig! Woohoo! In your face, Jupp! Nah Nah Na-Na Nah! (RASPBERRY)
MILES:
Lewis—
LEWIS:
Shut it, posho! Now, I get the plum job and you get to be the performing monkey doing all the impressions!
MILES:
But I can't do impressions!
LEWIS:
*Enough* of the condescending cheek! Gordon Brown! Now!
MILES:
(PATHETIC SCOTTISH ACCENT) Erm – Financial meltdown. Grumble grumble.
LEWIS:
Bruce Forsyth!
MILES:
Erm – good game. Good. Game? (BEAT) Nothing in this game for two in a bed?
LEWIS:
Wayne Bridge!
SILENCE
LEWIS (CONT'D):
That's actually very good…
MILES:
So, Lewis, if you'll permit me to speak. What did you eat instead of your cream bun?
LEWIS:
(COY) Nothing…
MILES:
It's just that the Director-General's chocolate éclair has gone missing too.
LEWIS:
(WHISPER) Keep your mouth shut, Jupp! Don't want you blabbing it to all and sundry!
MILES:
Then how about I do the 'in-between' bits?
LEWIS:
(SOBS) Okay…
MILES:
I mean, how about I do the 'in-between' bits, Sean Connery?
LEWIS:
Shh-ure. Yesh…
MILES:
Here – have a banana.
F/X:BANANA THROWN
END