SAN FRANCISCO PRESS CONFERENCE AFTER APPLE IPAD LAUNCH
JOURNALIST 1:
Mr Jobs! Is it true that Microsoft have already written a malicious program to crack the iPad?
STEVE JOBS:
That's correct – it's called "the Bathroom Scales app".
JOURNALIST 2:
Mr Jobs! Will Apple be releasing other versions of the iPad?
STEVE JOBS:
Yes, we have a waterproof model in the pipeline.
JOURNALIST 3:
Mr Jobs! What about games? What's your favourite game for the iPad?
STEVE JOBS:
Well, I love the soccer game, but I guess my favourite is the table tennis game. Of course you've got to switch the iPad off first. And don't hit the ball too hard.
JOURNALIST 4:
Mr Jobs! Rumour has it that Apple is experimenting with AI. Can you comment on this?
STEVE JOBS:
You refer to the Artificial Intelligence iPad, which is already becoming aware of its own price. (PAUSE) It's also shock-proof. In fact, all iPad models are extremely robust.
JOURNALIST 5:
So if I'm on a picnic, and it's been raining, can I sit on the iPad to keep my butt dry?
(LAUGHTER AND JEERING FROM OTHER JOURNALISTS.)
STEVE JOBS:
(SHOUTS FURIOUSLY) I don't have to take this abuse. Get that bum out of here -
(COMMOTION AS THE SECURITY GUARDS MOVE TO ESCORT THE JOURNALIST FROM THE PRESS CONFERENCE.)
- is what the iPad would say, if you were dumb enough to sit on it.