Boss

This is sort of two ideas in one, it grew out of a little idea I had a while back. Be gentle.

INT. OFFICE - DAY.

EDWARD, A CLEAN-CUT, TALL, PROUD-LOOKING BOSS IS STOOD IN THE MIDDLE. HE DIRECTS THE EMPLOYEES ANGRILY AS THEY HURRY AROUND. EDWARD SPOTS RONALD AT HIS DESK.

EDWARD
(SHOUTING) Ronald! Stop that right, f**king now!

RONALD
What? What did I do?

EDWARD
(ANGRILY) Stop touching those paper clips so suggestively. They'll be all kinds of lawsuits if you carry on like that.

RONALD LOOKS DOWN AT THE PAPER CLIPS IN HIS HAND AND LOOKS BACK AT EDWARD DUMBFOUNDED.

EDWARD (V/O)
Oh Christ, it's nearly 5 o'clock.

EDWARD
Look, just put them down, alright? And don't tell anyone what just happened.

RONALD PUTS THE PAPER CLIPS DOWN ON THE DESK, STILL LOOKING CONCERNED BUT NODDING HIS HEAD IN AGREEMENT.

EDWARD (V/O)
Oh god, she's going to get me, I know she is.

JENNY WALKS UP TO HAND EDWARD A FOLDER.

JENNY
The minutes from today's meeting.

EDWARD
No, no, no! Jenny, what the f**k? Don't look at me like that!

JENNY
What? I wasn't...I didn't look at you like anything.

EDWARD
Jenny...just go! Get back to your desk and don't tell a soul what just happened, ok?

JENNY, CONFUSED, SHAKES HER HEAD AND WALKS AWAY.

EDWARD (V/O)
Just calm down, she might not even be home.

EDWARD
Ok, everybody, listen up. We're nearly at the end of the day and nothing remotely sexual has happened.

RONALD GOES TO PUT HIS HAND UP.

EDWARD
No Ronald! What did I say? Nothing has happened, literally nothing. So let's keep it that way, people.

EDWARD (V/O)
She is going to be home, you know? And she's going to get you. (HE WHIMPERS)

SARAH, A NERVY, MOUSEISH WOMAN STARTS WAVING TO GET EDWARD'S ATTENTION.

SARAH
Edwar...

EDWARD
Sarah! For the love of god, don't make those sort of hand signals.

SARAH LOOKS CONFUSED AND EMBARRASSED, PULLING HER HAND DOWN SHARPLY.

EDWARD
We're so close, so, so close, no more caressing things, funny looks or [GESTURES MASTURBATION] signals.

THE STAFF STARE AT SARAH; SHE SHOWS THEM HER ORIGINAL GESTURE, DEMONATRATING HER INNOCENCE.

EDWARD (V/O)
Call it a day now and just go home. You've just got to be strong.

EDWARD LOOKS DOWN AT HIS WATCH. THEN QUICKLY PULLS HIS COAT ON.

EDWARD
Ok, everyone, that's it; time to call it quits for the day. I'll see you all tomorrow.

CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY – EVENING

EDWARD ENTERS SHEEPISHLY AND CLOSES THE DOOR GENTLY.

EDWARD (V/O)
Ok, doesn't look like she's in. Just relax now.

EDWARD TURNS THE LIGHT ON; MRS EDWARD IS STOOD IN THE DOORWAY AT THE END OF THE HALL. SHE IS A TINY CHINESE WOMAN, WEARING AN APRON, WITH A WOODEN SPOON IN HER HAND.

MRS EDWARD
So what's taken you, eh?

EDWARD
Uhm, just work. How have you got on today, darling?

MRS EDWARD
Don't try and smooth talk me Mr Edward, I know what you've been up to. (SNEERS) Looking at men touching things, staring at whores and (GESTURES MASTURBATION).

EDWARD
But, I...didn't.

MRS EDWARD
Don't lie to me Mr Edward. Get in your corner! [SHE POINTS HER SPOON]

HE CURLS IN TO THE CORNER OF THE HALLWAY. SHE RUSHES AT HIM AND KEEPS HITTING HIM WITH HER SPOON.

EDWARD (V/O)
When is this going to stop?

MRS EDWARD
When you stop doing your naughties Mr Edward!

END OF SKETCH

Hi. Enjoyed the first part but,I'm sorry, the ending just didn't do it for me. I couldn't work out what the idea behind it was. I get the overall idea (he wants to make sure that there's no reason for his wife to hit him with a spoon), but think the ending should capitalise on the fist part ot the first part be more attached top the second. Although I may have overlooked or not understood a key element. Something in it though which may be worth looking for.

Quote: scratchyr @ February 1 2010, 7:16 PM GMT

Hi. Enjoyed the first part but,I'm sorry, the ending just didn't do it for me. I couldn't work out what the idea behind it was. I get the overall idea (he wants to make sure that there's no reason for his wife to hit him with a spoon), but think the ending should capitalise on the fist part ot the first part be more attached top the second. Although I may have overlooked or not understood a key element. Something in it though which may be worth looking for.

View original

Hmm, maybe the two halves don't go together. She is meant to be able to read his mind, so he is constantly fretting about doing anything she might pick up on. Basically, I just liked the mental image of a man being hit in the corner by a little chinese woman with a wooden spoon.

Cheers Scratch.

I laughed at this but I don't know why - yes I do! The characters 'lived' and I could just see Mrs Edward (love the way she called her hubby 'Mr Edward') hitting him with the wooden spoon. Mrs Edward has really f**ked his brain up, hasn't she?!

"Stop touching those paper clips so suggestively!"

Maybe you could enlarge on it. Mr & Mrs Edward are great comic characters. It would be a shame not to use them more. Maybe Mr Edwards boss gets complaints about his behaviour and forces him to visit a psychiatrist?

Good one, though!

If she is a mind reader I think you need to get that across, as I had no idea that was the case. I thought he was scared of having one of employees file a sexual harassment lawsuit against him. I will happily agree that the mental image of a man in a corner being hit with a wooden spoon is funny, but it doesn't go with the initial half of the sketch as it stands.

I also agree that the dialogue between the couple is done well and "Mr Edward" works perfectly. More of them would please me too.

Quote: Morrace @ February 1 2010, 7:33 PM GMT

I laughed at this but I don't know why - yes I do! The characters 'lived' and I could just see Mrs Edward (love the way she called her hubby 'Mr Edward') hitting him with the wooden spoon. Mrs Edward has really f**ked his brain up, hasn't she?!

"Stop touching those paper clips so suggestively!"

Maybe you could enlarge on it. Mr & Mrs Edward are great comic characters. It would be a shame not to use them more. Maybe Mr Edwards boss gets complaints about his behaviour and forces him to visit a psychiatrist?

Good one, though!

View original

Cheers, Morrace. Thanks for the suggestion.

Quote: scratchyr @ February 1 2010, 7:38 PM GMT

If she is a mind reader I think you need to get that across, as I had no idea that was the case. I thought he was scared of having one of employees file a sexual harassment lawsuit against him. I will happily agree that the mental image of a man in a corner being hit with a wooden spoon is funny, but it doesn't go with the initial half of the sketch as it stands.

View original

The (v/o) bits are meant to indicate he is thinking about what is going to happen when he gets home, so they are meant to connect the two halves. The original idea wasn't really meant to be her as a mind reader, I just alluded to it with the last line where he is just thinking something and she answers. Ideally it she isn't meant to be a mind reader so I'll probably cut the last line. So just stick to how Morrace has suggested his wife having made him neurotically paranoid.

Cheers

Yeah, sorry but I didn't really get it either. I agree with Morrace about Mr/Mrs Edward being really good comic characters. The sketch might work better if we see Mrs/Mr Edward first, so we know his mind-set straight off and we're in on the joke, whilst those around him aren't. Otherwise the first bit didn't really have any laughs in it (for me).

But they are characters so two or three sketches could probably stand up quite well as we get to know them.

As it stands, it's just a bit confusing.

Dan

Cheers Dan.

Maybe a sketch with these two characters before this one would have made it easier to follow.

A variation: The guy sits at his desk, haranguing his employees about their innocuous activities, misinterpreting them as sexual harassment lawsuits waiting to happen. After they all leave he stands up, revealing his young secretary has been blowing him the whole time.