One from the rejection balloon...
Dan
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Divorce Gift Lists
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MILES:
Few things in life scare me: ghosts who are plainly working-class; red half-cherries on bakewell tart and jeggings. Most scary of all, however, is divorce. But not any more, since this week, Debenhams will allow you to create your own Divorce Gift List…
F/X:MAN IN SHOP PUSHING ELECTRICAL APPLIANCE BUTTONS AND SOBBING QUIETLY TO SELF
ASSISTANT:
Sir?
MAN:
(WAILS) Yes?
ASSISTANT:
Ah, I think I can see exactly what you need, sir. Have you tried our Divorce Gift List?
MAN:
(SOBS) Divorce Gift List?
ASSISTANT:
Oh yes, we've recognised that newly-divorced people are those that most require a new start with their household items.
MAN:
(CALMER) Oh.
ASSISTANT:
We give you a zapper and you walk around the store adding whatever you want people to buy for your new bachelor pad! How about that new 60-inch plasma, eh? A sofa with a beer cooler in the arm?! Sky+ and, at long last, a subscription to the football!
F/X:WIPING AWAY OF TEARS, SNIFFLES
MAN:
Wow! That sounds perfect! (BEAT) Can you book me in for five weeks' time?
ASSISTANT:
Five weeks, sir? That seems a long way off?
MAN:
I know. But the wedding's not for another month. (STARTS CRYING AGAIN)
END
