Love Works - entry for Reed Workplace competition

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-usX3yIQ5Aw

Ok this is a bit cheeky again as it's not comedy as such but I would appreciate any constructive feedback on my second attempt at a film.

I co wrote and cast this one and we had one night to film in a cinema.

The rules of the competition were to make a film under 3 minutes about your workplace. The director of this works in a cinema so we went for that as a setting. A good thing about these comps is it gives you a deadline so again I'm pleased to have completed something even if we didn't get it quite how we all wanted in the end.

As usual I'd love to be able to start from scratch - I know the pacing is out etc so it's far from perfect but I think it's quite sweet.

It's all a learning curve and for me this time I found out you shouldn't try and 'wing it' timewise - our initial script was about 10 mins long and we cut to about 3.5 and tried to cram in 3.

Thanks if you take a look.

Jx

ps Did anyone else enter?

Are you really looking for feedback? because it sounds like you already did that all by yourself. I think you are right when you say you shouldn't wing it because it didnt really look much like anything apart from a couple of bored people playing with a camera. I didn't like it. Sorry.

Maybe you should stay with writing comedy.

That's fair enough and yes I still wanted feedback as although I know it didn't quite work out - some bits might have gone right or someone might have something constructive to say.

Bit harsh though to give up after two attempts though surely? There's no harm in learning as you go and having fun making something even if doesn't always work out in the end is there?

Thanks for watching it and giving an impartial view. (That's not meant sarcastically by the way!)

JP

It isn't harsh to say give up at all. From what I have read on these boards (when I was lurking) you are an up and coming natural comedy writer. I'm saying is stick with that.

I thought, as you did, that it was sweet. I thought the main guy was personable and believable and the others acted suitably embarrassed, as you'd expect from staff in a multiplex.

I didn't think the pacing was too bad overall, although the middle seemed a little rushed and you could have given a bit more time here and then cut down slightly on the slow ending by introducing a sudden rug-pull or twist. (Wouldn't attempt to tell you what that ending would have been, but if the presenter's head had suddenly popped up from behind them to enquire how it was going it might have been fun and could have been a sudden end.)

If it was only your second outing in front of the camera, then I didn't think your performance was bad and I would have thought that any experience you gain would help you understand how lines are delivered and paced and would therefore help you with your writing anyway - so don't give up the acting. Plus you'll get better anyway with practice.

I thought it was a nice little piece, seemed to flow and I liked the camera work. Its hard tailoring stuff for film comps but you've got all the criteria there and at least you've produced a finished product. Good luck with the comp

My sound's gone at present so I can't listen to it.

Hi Jane

It was better than your own review! It was short and sweet and told a story in three minutes. Some nice shots and good performances. I felt the beginning and end were stronger than the middle sections.

Not entirely a departure from comedy, and rather sweet, with decent performances. The main problem, as you suggest, that the need to brutally edit the material left it a little rushed.

After reading the first comment on this thread I wasn't sure what to expect but upon watching it I thought it was excellent.

Very nicely shot and well acted, seemed very professionally done to me. I'm a sucker for romcoms and thought it was a sweet tale, the situation was believable, well set up and accomplished with the story well told in 180 seconds.

Well done and good luck.

Quote: Tony Cowards @ January 30 2010, 11:39 AM GMT

After reading the first comment on this thread I wasn't sure what to expect but upon watching it I thought it was excellent.

Very nicely shot and well acted, seemed very professionally done to me. I'm a sucker for romcoms and thought it was a sweet tale, the situation was believable, well set up and accomplished with the story well told in 180 seconds.

Well done and good luck.

View original

It was excellent? Get out. More.

It was not very good at all and anyone could have come up with a romcom idea like that. Boy wants girl etc. And they lived happily evr after. It was well shot but so what we all have acccess to video cameras. Big woo.

Just watched it and I really liked it, looked very professional. I was, of
course, waiting for the hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket joke - but it
never came.

If I have any complaints, it would be that too much time was spent on the
build up and there needed to be a few more shorts of furtive glances and
embarrassed moments between the two love birds to establish their unspoken but unrequited love.

All in all, very well done, it was good and shit.

I too, think you should give up, this is your second film and by now, it should have had Transformers, 'splosions and naked chicks with gun titties. Leave the film making to James Cotter and makes us a cup of tea sweetheart, there's a good girl.

Quote: funnyfnarr @ January 30 2010, 12:02 PM GMT

It was excellent? Get out. More.

It was not very good at all and anyone could have come up with a romcom idea like that. Boy wants girl etc. And they lived happily evr after. It was well shot but so what we all have acccess to video cameras. Big woo.

View original

It's always slightly suspicious when someone with only a few posts to their name feels so strongly to negatively criticise someone else's work.

You made your point and Jane fairly took it on board. Everyone is allowed to their opinions.

Have you ever tried to make short films on time constraints and no budget, etc? Have you made any films or videos at all? If so can we see them? What is your experience and what work have you done?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ January 30 2010, 12:08 PM GMT

It's always slightly suspicious when someone with only a few posts to their name feels so strongly to negatively criticise someone else's work.

You made your point and Jane fairly took it on board. Everyone is allowed to their opinions.

Have you ever tried to make short films on time constraints and no budget, etc? Have you made any films or videos at all? If so can we see them? What is your experience and what work have you done?

View original

Who died and made you thread prefect? What does it matter if I have or not. I am the audience therefore my opinon counts. Thats why they have focus groups and private screenings.

I decided to watch it without the sound [I can't get sound it's 'broken'] and whilst the camera work is good on the whole, I found the zooming in/out annoying.
I don't know though if that's acceptable these days or a new type of filming style because of video cameras.
In a professional film, the same scene is filmed full length then done again waist up then a third time close up...ie...neck/shoulders.
It's then edited and the best shots from each scene are put together for the film. So there'd be no zooms, just a 'cut' from a full length shot to a close up, for instance.