BERKLEY HEIGHTS

SYNOPSIS:
BERKLEY HEIGHTS IS A VERY EXCLUSIVE ADDRESS THAT BLAKE IS TRYING TO KEEP FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER THATS TREKKING ACCROSS SOUTH AMERICA WITH HER LATEST TOYBOY.
BLAKE WANTS HIS INHERITANCE FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER SO HE INVITES HIS FRIEND TO HELP HIM KEEP THE MOBILE HOMES ADDRESS FROM THE OTHER RESIDENTS PRYING EYES.

BLAKE:
GET A GRIP MONTY!! I AINT ASKING YOU TO INVENT A NEW ENVIROMENTALLY FRIENDLY ALTERNATIVE TO PETROL TOO STOP ALL THE SLOANE RANGERS FROM COMPLETELY DESTROYING THE OZONE, OR TO SAIL ACCROSS THE ATLANTIC ON A BOAT MADE OF PASTA.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FETCH THE POST, HARDLY A JOB FOR THE A-TEAM.

MONTY:
WHAT IF SHE CORNERS ME AND STARTS BANGING ON ABOUT HER VARICOSE VEINS AGAIN.

BLAKE:
SHE AINT GOING TO. I COULD UNDERSTAND IF I'D ASKED YOU TO GO OVER AND HAVE AFTERNOON TEA AND SHARE LEMON DRIZZLE CAKE COOKING SECRETS. EILLEN NEEDS TO THINK MY GRANS STILL HERE AND NOT ANOTHER RIGID FORGOTTEN CORPSE. IF THE POST ISNT TAKEN SOON, SHE'LL BE OVER HERE QUICKER THAN TATTOED GYPSIES AT A FREE FOR ALL BOOT SALE.

MONTY:
WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME. IT'S YOUR GRANS HOME. YOUR INHERITANCE.

BLAKE: (IMPERSONATING HIS GRAN)
MORNING EILLEEN, I KNOW IT GAVE ME AN AWFUL SHOCK AS WELL I CAN TELL YOU. BUT THE DOCTORS INFORMED ME THAT MY SUDDEN GROTH COULD BE A POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECT THAT I MAY ENCOUNTER WHILST TAKING THESE NEW LIFE ENHANCING SUPERDRUGS. BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I'VE BEEN INVITED ON A TOUR OF JAPAN WITH THE ENGLISH BASKETBALL TEAM.

MONTY:
AS IF SHE'D NOTICE WHO FETCHED THE POST.

BLAKE:
I'M A SIZE ELEVEN SIX FOOTER. HER VISIONS IMPAIRED, SHE AINT MENTAL

MONTY:
THIS IS THA LAST TIME I'M DRESSING UP AS DAME EDNA.

BLAKE:
JUST PUT ON THE FLANNEL NIGHTIE MISS MARPLES BEFORE EILLEN SENDS OUT FOR THE OAP RESCUE SERVICES AND MY INHERITANCE GOES DOWN THE PAN.

hi... I'm no expert (except in eating cake) but here's my take...

I didn't really understand the concept... please explain it more fully.

You've obviously got a feel for dialogue, and there are some good exchanges in your writing, but it's hard to read when all in caps (I use caps for scene description and character headings, and lower case for dialogue).

Blake and Monty are looking after an exclusive address so that blake can receive his inheritance. They arn't allowed to live there so they try and hide the fact by pretending to be Blake's grandmother at every situation. The little bit of script is about fetching the post without getting noticed by Eillen the nosey neighbour and blowing their cover.

Blake and Monty are looking after an exclusive address so that blake can receive his inheritance. They arn't allowed to live there so they try and hide the fact by pretending to be Blake's grandmother at every situation. The little bit of script is about fetching the post without getting noticed by Eillen the nosey neighbour and blowing their cover.

Why would she lose her mobile home if she went on holiday? Do mobile homes really have to be occupied? It sounds like it might be a funny premise pretending to be an old lady but if loose ends aren't tied up it's distracting.

I quite like some of Blake's lines, post more.

It's a mobile home community started by two rich retired couples that escaped society a few years ago and don't fancy moving back to Spain. The rich ex-ex-pats from Spain wanted to make serious money from what they learnt by living in a select community in Spain. So they bought a quality plot of land and set up their own exclusive residence in the country.

Also there happens to be a rather large list of rich clients waiting for the homes. So the owners have been highly bribed and the rules and regulations are constantly changing. Due to the brit escape society plan taking off.

Ok. I think you need to shorten some of the opening lines - especially the long speech at the start. The techniques are there, but would have more impact if it was a shorter speech. Secondly, what is this for? Radio or TV? On TV you tend to be able to get away with long speeches & monologues providing they follow either one or both rules A)They are funny B)If you are expositioning something you need cut aways to show reactions / what the other person is doing.

The idea is there, but it needs trimming and work to develop it. I liekd the English Basketball Team.

Thanks for your advice. The comedy is for T.v

Can you knock cap locks off please, my blood pressure just went through the roof.

Easy. ok I will do in future. Why not try karma Sutra for starters to ease all your tension. capitals are hardly the invasion of Poland now are they. But thanks for the advice. Anything to stop you from imploding.

Easy. ok I will do in future. Why not try karma Sutra for starters to ease all your tension. capitals are hardly the invasion of Poland now are they. But thanks for the advice. Anything to stop you from imploding.

Hitler Quote of the Day - "Easy, invading Poland isn't half as bad as the misuse of capitals."

Erm...very good. I see you've changed your mask, you look much better. I might use you in my sketch show idea.