First attempt at Stand Up Page 2

Thanks for all the feed back.

Stephen Merchant I'll have to just risk! There are plenty of fat comics that mention their weight! As long as I keep the stuff specific I'll have to be pretty unlucky to stumble over the same gags. And its not like I'm not tall!

As to editing it down....i'm going to go back and listen to some stand up - maybe even write down their sets...because (although I'm sure you are all right) it sounds like how I'd say it...and how other comics talk. Dont they all ramble a little? I know it sitcom it needs to be stripped back and punchy...but don't stand ups "chat" a little more?

Maybe I didn't explain what I mean very well, and anyway it was mainly rubbish (I blame last night's beer). There's nothing wrong with writing in sentences - just don't expect it all to come out that way when you talk. Conversational styles can work well, and so can staccato stuff, it depends on who you are.

My main point was really to say the intro needs changing and even if you are going for the conversational style what you have here has too many gaps between funny things happening. Make it shorter or make more funny stuff happen in the same length of time.

I don't want to give too many girlie secrets away, but I think the reason women may be intrigued by your height is the whole 'In Proportion' thing. So you could play that angle up a bit. <PM me if that's true BTW>

Quote: Badge @ January 28 2010, 1:07 AM GMT

First of all, is anyone going to "ohhh!"...? I doubt it very much, and you are putting yourself into a position where your set opening depends on a reaction. This is the most important bit you will do all night so I think you should know what you are going to say from the off and stick with it.

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I think this is quite a good point.
Especially for a first attempt. By all means have a guess at the audience reaction but you won't know until you try, and if you don't get what you expect it may throw you, which you don't want so early on in the set.
Or have little asides prepared for every eventuality I suppose.

Now that is funny AngieBAby....because driving to work this morning I wrote EXACTLY that gag in my head to open with!

Something along the lines of:

Good Evening, my names Mark. A taller man than average, 6ft6 before you ask.

Now I know what you ladies are thinking, that's a lot of man...is it all in proportion? I'm going to be honest, I can paint your ceiling don't be greedy.

Or something along those lines anyway.

And yes AngieBaby...its in proportion - so huge but you only get a sense of scale if I poke it through a Ronnie Corbett cut out.

Steve...fair point about the Ohh - I suppose I wrote it because I wanted it "on hand" - I have to say, I think I'd get an ohh when intro'd to a fun audience....but I agree about not putting me off when they sit there in silence!

Hey Hey,

If you've got me on my back I hope I'm not too interested in the ceiling paint.

Quote: AngieBaby @ January 28 2010, 8:53 PM GMT

I don't want to give too many girlie secrets away, but I think the reason women may be intrigued by your height is the whole 'In Proportion' thing.

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It's not. I'm 6'4" and mines nay bigger than a mouse's tongue.

and that's the reason why....

Quote: David Bussell @ January 29 2010, 8:04 AM GMT

It's not. I'm 6'4" and mines nay bigger than a mouse's tongue.

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You misspelt 'moose's"