Born Survivor: Bear Grylls

Anyone else watch this show? Thanks to Harry Hill I do now.

It's hilariously stupid. I like these kind of shows, Ray Mears ect. But this guy just takes the piss.

This week he dumped himself in a canyon and had to escape. Along the way he picked up and ate a scorpion and said it tasted like old cheese. Further down he ate some rocks and mud saying it was a good source of minerals. He then grabbed a fish out of a stream and smashed it's head in with a stone and then ate the fish raw. He then picked up a beetle grub, ate it and said it tasted like mud, but implied that was a good thing.

No wonder Harry used a clip every week.

LOL.
Reminds me of this article i read in a womans magazine. They are full of handy tips and one week the tip went something like this.

HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK (like they share Great Britain with us)
1. Do not look the bear in the eye. Do not run. Instead curl yourself into a tight ball and lay very still.(Hmmmmmmmm!Right, wait to die.)

2. Should the bear charge towards you punch it on the nose.(Yep thats not gonna piss it off) and use the 10 seconds the bear is stunned for to make quick your escape. (10 seconds. That bear is gonna be mad as hell after that punch. You can bet my sorry arse he is defo gonna eat me now, and 10 whole secs to make quick my escape. Wahooooooooooooooo)

3. Should said bear still insist on charging you again, use your anti bear repellent and spray it in its face. (Yep i got some of that in Tesco and i keep it in my handbag at all times just incasey. Also after that punch and now the fact I have blinded it that bear is one fuming mother)

4. Finaly if all else fails, lie very still. The bear will probably just maul you for a while. If you play dead it will leave you alone. (Right so after i have let the big arsed bear eat half of me, i lay there in total agony playing dead and not making a sound as the bear chews off my limbs. Finaly Mr Bear gets bored and i squirm on my mutilated torso for 8 days til i eventualy recieve civilisation and help).

Madness!!!!!

Actually, there's a lot o' fact in them there words!

Quite fancy Bear Grylls.

Even though he seems to be everything I hate: posh rich tosspot who has nothing to do with his money and time but make stupid films of himself doing stupid things.

Actually, if he was working class, and Welsh, he'd be those idiots off Dirty Sanchez.

Oh, how I would love to be posh and rich!

He just wants to ask for directions and you;

1: Ignore him.
2: Punch him in the nose.
3: Spray him in the face with Tesco brand Repellent.
4: Ignore him more by pretending to be dead, that'll help his Self-esteem.

I love lists

Lol Leevil. Poor lickle 10 foot teddy bear. Grrrrrrrrrrrrowl.(ahhh bless).
Awwwwww! Look its nibbling my arm off. Bless!

Deranged woman.

I'm not sure who i would be more scared of more, the 10 foot, drooling, ferocious, angry bear, or charley rance.

Charley. Definitely Charley.

Quote: lewisroberts @ April 23, 2007, 10:21 PM

I'm not sure who i would be more scared of more, the 10 foot, drooling, ferocious, angry bear, or charley rance.

View original

No. no, no you got it wrong.

I'm not sure who i would be more scared of more, the 10 foot, drooling, ferocious, charley rance, or a bear.

You are all bastards. I am making voodoo dolls now.

Not exactly relevant but a good place to crowbar in the following.

To quote Paul Calf (aka Steve Coogan) when he joined a cult "You're my Yogi, Bear".

Thanks guys. Do I get extra big credits for being a Scary Mary or what?
I dont understand it. I am so sweet & innocent. Would'nt hurt a fly me. Sooooooooo sweet. A bit like a lickle tiny wee dot baby tarantula. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

But f**king weird.