British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 958

Quote: zooo @ May 27 2012, 8:36 PM BST

I wouldn't have minded so much if the awesome and brilliant Rev hadn't also been nominated!

Even allowing for peoples' obvious different tastes, there is no way on earth that MBB is better than Rev. (Or Fresh Meat).

*swoons with nausea at the recollection of seeing Mrs. Brown live in the theatre.*

Laughing out loud Oh Dear, Lord help us! 'sacre' bleu'!

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ May 27 2012, 4:01 PM BST

Never!

I did that last year and got no tan whatsover, so this time round I let the sun caress my naked skin (shiver) and now look carcinogen-tastic!

Remember, it's what's on the outside that counts.

In Australia two in three people will likely develop some sort skin cancer before they are 70. We have the highest rate of skin cancer anywhere in the world.

Trying to register as self-employed.........

So, two months ago I registered online. The email said they'd be in touch within 7 days. Two months later I get a letter with an activation code. Apparently I have to go a website and put this code in to activate my account but...I also need my unique ten digit number (which is what I was waiting for) so I phone the number it tells me to ring which gives me about ten minutes worth of options and then tells me I need to ring the self-assessment number (even though I originally phoned the self-assessment number) and eventually got through to the surliest mogadon addict ever. In short, I've decided to cheat on my taxes.

Quote: Overlay @ May 28 2012, 4:33 PM BST

Trying to register as self-employed.........

So, two months ago I registered online. The email said they'd be in touch within 7 days. Two months later I get a letter with an activation code. Apparently I have to go a website and put this code in to activate my account but...I also need my unique ten digit number (which is what I was waiting for) so I phone the number it tells me to ring which gives me about ten minutes worth of options and then tells me I need to ring the self-assessment number (even though I originally phoned the self-assessment number) and eventually got through to the surliest mogadon addict ever. In short, I've decided to cheat on my taxes.

I feel you. I've decided to wait until January then get someone to hit me really hard a la Black Books

Things that have pissed me off today:

Self-till at WHSmith's: Please place item in the bagging area.
Me: It is in the bagging area.
STaWSM's: Please place item in the bagging area.
Me: It f**king is there!

STaWSM's starts flashing red, like I'm some criminal trying to steal a poncey chocolate bar. The till attendant shouts over saying he'll be a minute. I told him he'd better be a second before I kick the c**ting thing (I ommitted "c**ting" because I am polite-ish in real life, but in my head I was saying it and surely it's the thought that counts?).

I'm sorry but what is the point of these so-called self-help things of the devil when you have to argue with them and get someone to come and sort them out?
As if it wasn't bad enough the one at Tesco always going "Please take your items". Yeah, I've just paid for my shopping, I'm now going to leave it here as a present for the next customer.

I had one at B&Q that insisted I was buying a toilet seat.
It wanted £90 too - some bog seat that.
Telling it, it was a pack of radiator valves had no effect at all.

Quote: Booo @ May 29 2012, 4:08 PM BST

Things that have pissed me off today:

Self-till at WHSmith's: Please place item in the bagging area.
Me: It is in the bagging area.
STaWSM's: Please place item in the bagging area.
Me: It f**king is there!

STaWSM's starts flashing red, like I'm some criminal trying to steal a poncey chocolate bar. The till attendant shouts over saying he'll be a minute. I told him he'd better be a second before I kick the c**ting thing (I ommitted "c**ting" because I am polite-ish in real life, but in my head I was saying it and surely it's the thought that counts?).

I'm sorry but what is the point of these so-called self-help things of the devil when you have to argue with them and get someone to come and sort them out?
As if it wasn't bad enough the one at Tesco always going "Please take your items". Yeah, I've just paid for my shopping, I'm now going to leave it here as a present for the next customer.

I hate them too and refuse to use them. The idea is that they can cut back on staff.

When you walk past a bus stop late at night and a fella (the only person there, and the only person on the road) goes 'Hi gorgeous'. In what world does anyone think it's a compliment to leer at a woman by herself at night instead of it being intimidating? I'm clearly, blatantly, obviously, not going to f**k you. All you've achieved is that I spend the next few minutes thinking 'it's fine, don't be arrogant, he's not going to follow you, men are just like that' and wanting to turn around and check if I'm being followed but can't because you'd see me looking back and possibly think I was looking back at you in a flirtatious way. I know none of the lovely BCG menfolk would be as pervy as this, but in case any random loiterers are reading, IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT, IT'S REALLY QUITE HORRIBLE

Why shouldn't a bloke think an owl in a hat was gorgeous?

Of course! I forgot I was wearing my avatar mask that I carry everywhere with me. Silly woman; as you were

The fact that, in dishwashers one has to put the saucepans open side down which means that the fluted handles that give access to the handle tightening screw therefore fill up with water which is a pisser when emptying said dishwasher along with mugs that have a recessed base and that also maintain a residue of water.

If you wash up by hand please press next.

person on phone: Can I speak to ....?
Me: Sorry they aren't in at the moment/are in a meeting
person: Do you know when they will be back?
Me: No, sorry
Person: So you can't give me a time?
Me: Oh wait a second! I just telepathicaly communicated with them. Call back in an hour. (wish I could say this)

Even more annoying is the ones who don't leave a message or contact detail, so that I can get whoever they want to call them when they are available, only to call up again in a hour to go through the same conversation.

Thing to do is...'please wait while I transfer you' then hang up. Then, when they ring back, apologise, say it must be the new phone system and do it again. They'll stop ringing eventually.

Quote: AJGO @ May 30 2012, 12:20 AM BST

When you walk past a bus stop late at night and a fella (the only person there, and the only person on the road) goes 'Hi gorgeous'. In what world does anyone think it's a compliment to leer at a woman by herself at night instead of it being intimidating? I'm clearly, blatantly, obviously, not going to f**k you. All you've achieved is that I spend the next few minutes thinking 'it's fine, don't be arrogant, he's not going to follow you, men are just like that' and wanting to turn around and check if I'm being followed but can't because you'd see me looking back and possibly think I was looking back at you in a flirtatious way. I know none of the lovely BCG menfolk would be as pervy as this, but in case any random loiterers are reading, IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT, IT'S REALLY QUITE HORRIBLE

Just answer them back "awight luv", it disconcerts them.

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