British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 507

Quote: Leevil @ September 5 2009, 9:04 PM BST

Chocolate is a natural laxative, eat as much as you can, well you know what I mean!

I can't! Sugar. Bad

Quote: bigfella @ September 5 2009, 9:03 PM BST

Aren't they fizzy things?

Yes. you put it into water and drink it...instant relief.

Quote: Leevil @ September 5 2009, 9:03 PM BST

Join the cue.

I'm going private.

Quote: Scottidog @ September 5 2009, 9:05 PM BST

Yes. you put it into water and drink it...instant relief.

Teary Can't put anything fizzy into new tummy.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ September 5 2009, 9:01 PM BST

You could do like the old nurses used to do with babies and winkle it out with your finger.

Like the old joke:
Q: What the constipated maths teacher do?
A: Worked it out with a pencil.

Quote: bigfella @ September 5 2009, 9:05 PM BST

I'm going private.

Teary Can't put anything fizzy into new tummy.

Have I missed something? Have you had a gastric band fitted, is that what you mean?

Quote: Scottidog @ September 5 2009, 9:06 PM BST

Have I missed something? Have you had a gastric band fitted, is that what you mean?

He's now half the man he used to be.

Quote: Scottidog @ September 5 2009, 9:06 PM BST

Have I missed something? Have you had a gastric band fitted, is that what you mean?

More hard core than that - gastric bypass in March.

Quote: Leevil @ September 5 2009, 9:07 PM BST

He's now half the man he used to be.

Not quite. Yet.

You could use a sea enema.

Quote: bigfella @ September 5 2009, 9:07 PM BST

More hard core than that - gastric bypass in March.

No way! Why the new tummy now?

Quote: bigfella @ September 5 2009, 9:04 PM BST

I can't! Sugar. Bad

Drink juice then. What juice? I dunno, Google is you friend, well it is if you're not wanting to search quickly between websites and pictures.

Quote: Scottidog @ September 5 2009, 9:08 PM BST

No way! Why the new tummy now?

Well its still a newish tummy.

Can't really do anything fizzy in it you see.

Hurts. And probably very bad for future weight loss.

Keeping well hydrated and having a warm bath is good for most uncomfortable flatulence-related issues. If it's continual farting accompanied by prolonged constipation and/or severe abdominal pain or vomiting, consult a doctor for an examination ASAP. :) Unless one is generally prone to constipation I wouldn't advise laxatives. Acute constipation is usually down to dehydration and/or lack of mobility.

Quote: Leevil @ September 5 2009, 9:09 PM BST

Drink juice then. What juice? I dunno, Google is you friend, well it is if you're not wanting to search quickly between websites and pictures.

Can't do juices either. They are packed full of sugar too.

The wind will pass.

It's just a pain the arse. ( hoho)

One of the few negative side effects.

Quote: bigfella @ September 5 2009, 9:09 PM BST

Well its still a newish tummy.

Can't really do anything fizzy in it you see.

Hurts. And probably very bad for future weight loss.

Oh right, can't you eat some fruit. Or prunes, to move things along.

What about putting some bran in your food? You can buy bran at any health food shop and stick some in scrambled eggs, soup, or even yogurt.

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