British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,799

You used to know that anyone with a double-barrelled name was posh. Now they're just chavs.

FB groups that make you agree to conditions before you can join. Like you're gonna say,'Yes, I aim to be a total and utter f**king c**t, ruin it for everyone else, steal everyone's jokes and rip the shit out of everyone, especially blacks and women. Can I come in?'

Quote: Chappers @ 19th February 2021, 10:08 PM

You used to know that anyone with a double-barrelled name was posh. Now they're just chavs.

So many pro footballers now have double barrelled names too
Sometimes so long - they can't fit them on the shirt.

The backroom sewing ladies (sorry people who identify as...summat)
must despair.

Monkhouse-Chisholm? Got a ring to it.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ 23rd February 2021, 8:46 AM

FB groups that make you agree to conditions before you can join. Like you're gonna say,'Yes, I aim to be a total and utter f**king c**t, ruin it for everyone else, steal everyone's jokes and rip the shit out of everyone, especially blacks and women. Can I come in?'

Well as you know I've been banned.

The way people call Prince Henry Harry, like he's our mate.

Maybe I'm getting feeble with old age, I don't know but I struggle to open pre-packaged anything
The seals are so strong these days.
Tins with tabs, I can't pull em up without breaking a nail.
Anything in a plastic packet I try pull apart, they're stronger than the bull-worker I used to have.
Cadbury's chocolate resealable bars - I can't even work out what you are supposed to do. There an arrow pointing at something saying open here. F**king where?
My wife buys what she calls a bottle of Fizz, I forget the name, like a champagne bottle. She brings it in for me to twist the cork out.
F**k me, and I have strong hands being a tradesman all my working life. I grunt and puff, veins are out on me neck, I get a sweat on. Sometimes I have to take a break to get my breath back.

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th March 2021, 10:39 AM

Cadbury's chocolate resealable bars - I can't even work out what you are supposed to do. There an arrow pointing at something saying open here. F**king where?

Has anyone commented on the mad shapes of the new Cadbury's bars since Kraft took over? Just who exactly are they trying to impress?

Quote: Stephen Goodlad @ 9th March 2021, 10:39 AM

Maybe I'm getting feeble with old age, I don't know but I struggle to open pre-packaged anything
The seals are so strong these days.
Tins with tabs, I can't pull em up without breaking a nail.
Anything in a plastic packet I try pull apart, they're stronger than the bull-worker I used to have.
Cadbury's chocolate resealable bars - I can't even work out what you are supposed to do. There an arrow pointing at something saying open here. F**king where?
My wife buys what she calls a bottle of Fizz, I forget the name, like a champagne bottle. She brings it in for me to twist the cork out.
F**k me, and I have strong hands being a tradesman all my working life. I grunt and puff, veins are out on me neck, I get a sweat on. Sometimes I have to take a break to get my breath back.

F**king Hell Stephen, what are you going to be like when you are my age, AND I've got COPD lung disease. I can open most things OK; BUT if you are struggling that much, I can highly recommend a Boa Constrictor - it's not dangerous and you don't have to feed it.

I've found it invaluable, when you get a stubborn bottle top or jar lid, as it's a one size fit all with its adjustable rubber strap.

Don't delay - buy one today!

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I can't understand why people think Pussy Galore is such a cool name to invent. Pussy is not a name. Galore is not a name. They're not even nicknames. And even if they were, it isn't even an innuendo, it's just total and utter f**king shit. 'Hey guys, gotta name for a character, Gash A-Plenty! Clever innit? Do you think anyone'll get it?' Smart. How do you do it? What's your secret? I guess we'll never know.

Those Kinder Surprise adverts.

As if those kids would get so excited about those poxy little bits of plastic.

The whole Kinder thing is a mystery to me.
Why would you give kids edible things with inedible things inside?
I m surprised it ever got passed whatever consumer safety laws there are

Quote: john tregorran @ 11th March 2021, 7:05 PM

The whole Kinder thing is a mystery to me.
Why would you give kids edible things with inedible things inside?
I m surprised it ever got passed whatever consumer safety laws there are

It's a European thing. Now with Brexit they should get banned.

Quote: Chappers @ 11th March 2021, 8:07 PM

It's a European thing. Now with Brexit they should get banned.

Drug dealers will be stocking up.

I really want to know how to loosen up my constipation whilst I'm having my evening meal.

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