Quote: keewik @ 2nd May 2014, 8:42 PM BSTHave you considered using a pelican bib?
Quote: sootyj @ 2nd May 2014, 8:43 PM BSTOr not sitting in a high chair
My new plan is just to bring a barber's cape with me next time I visit the Kowloon Palace.
Things that piss you off Page 1,477
TTPYO: Men who cannot recognise a good thing when they see it. 
Most of us can't recognise a photocopier
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/28/opinion/verbatim-what-is-a-photocopier.html?_r=0
Sooty have you ever photocopied your bare buttocks ?
Quote: lofthouse @ 2nd May 2014, 9:50 PM BSTSooty have you ever photocopied your bears buttocks ?
I sponsor an abused bear that was kidnapped and humiliated by evil gypsies, it was released back into the wilds of Transylvania after 5 years intensive therapy.
Why the hell would I want to traumatise it again, by photocopying it's buttocks.
Lofty what the hell is wrong with you.
And welcome back.
Your holiness.
Quote: Jennie @ 2nd May 2014, 9:01 PM BSTTTPYO: Men who cannot recognise a good thing when they see it.
Should have gone to spec savers!
I think I may have said something similar as I flounced off. 
Barristers don't flounce they leave with majestic dignity. One shoe on or not!
How about majestic dignity with the merest hint of flounce?
I nearly took my shoes off in the street today. They were hurting. But whatever the streets of London are paved with, it definitely isn't gold. So I decided to put up with the pain.
Quote: Renegade Carpark @ 2nd May 2014, 5:50 PM BSTI'm codgier than you might think, probably in my second flush, just floating around.
What the first flush of youth never had to contend with was fluffy toilet seat covers, thank fook they've gone the way of the dinosaur. Now they used to piss me off no end.
You never knew when they would suddenly send the toilet seat crashing down mid-whizz. It was like playing 'The Cube' but with more urine.
Now that looks like one of those that you have to lean forward to use one hand to stop it falling and the other hand to control Percy which always ended with wee wee between the hinges and round the top of the bowl.
But yer wimmin' wouldn't understand that.
Quote: Jennie @ 2nd May 2014, 10:17 PM BSTHow about majestic dignity with the merest hint of flounce?
I nearly took my shoes off in the street today. They were hurting. But whatever the streets of London are paved with, it definitely isn't gold. So I decided to put up with the pain.
Where there's muck there's brass. Or is that just Soho?
Quote: Oldrocker @ 2nd May 2014, 10:19 PM BSTNow that looks like one of those that you have to lean forward to use one hand to stop it falling and the other hand to control Percy which always ended with wee wee between the hinges and round the top of the bowl.
But yer wimmin' wouldn't understand that.
No, because our bits work properly and efficiently.
Quote: zooo @ 2nd May 2014, 10:22 PM BSTNo, because our bits work properly and efficiently.
Okay then, pee standing up. Let's see how good your aim is.
As for the efficiently bit, I'd think again. Just about every woman I know has had problems with the plumbing. They don't advertise Canesten at men for a reason.
You can't stand up and read a good novel in the dunny mind!!
Quote: Marc P @ 2nd May 2014, 10:29 PM BSTYou can't stand up and read a good novel in the dunny mind!!
I always feel a bit ill when I use someone else's bathroom and there's a stack of books in there. All I think about is shit stained page corners and people luxuriating in their own 'biznizz' for far to long.
Get in, poop, wash hands, get out.