British Comedy Guide

Things that piss you off Page 1,025

Before sootyj gets to this one, let me be the first.

Tell me keewik, what is the best way to impersonate a Scotsman?

Quote: keewik @ July 11 2012, 9:09 PM BST

Renegade, it's perfectly simple - don't wash for a month and dress in oldest clothes

Och, thank you.

;) :P

EDIT: It's good to have you back keewik, we missed you.

*man, they have short sentences in Scottish jails. keewik must have faked an early release like that Lockerbie Bomber*

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ July 11 2012, 9:10 PM BST

I was going to make a tasteless joke about buying your daughter 'rubbers', but that story was too cute.

Have a nice wave instead. Wave

My face went exactly like this (at your joke): :O Angry Pirate Unimpressed ;)

Quote: keewik @ July 11 2012, 9:09 PM BST

Renegade, it's perfectly simple - don't wash for a month and dress in oldest clothes - nobody will go near a smelly tramp in case they get lice.

Or pretend to be mad. I'd rather be near a stinker than a mental (although some poor bastards fall into both caterogories).

Now stupid woman's husband has returned and is being as stupid. Riley is going to settle down with a few beers and the lawyer's number on speed dial. I may be some time.

Quote: KLRiley @ July 11 2012, 9:16 PM BST

Now stupid woman's husband has returned and is being as stupid. Riley is going to settle down with a few beers and the lawyer's number on speed dial. I may be some time.

You're definitely sure it's your parking space, aren't you?

I thought mine was but it turns out it belongs to the council (and this is just at the back of my property by the back gate). So basically anyone can park there.

Quote: KLRiley @ July 11 2012, 9:16 PM BST

Now stupid woman's husband has returned and is being as stupid.

This is exactly how wars start. Let's hope this doesn't get out of hand and KLRiley is found face down in a chuchyard with the gun near his body.

For even less Sootyj can provide a list of extremely effective abusive remarks that sound vaguely legal.

Quote: KLRiley @ July 11 2012, 6:15 PM BST

Neighbours who park in our parking space. And when you ask them very politely to move, refuse because they think it's communal. This woman is so determinedly stupid that even the production of the photocopy of the deeds with the boundaries of our property clearly outlined in red showing that the parking space is ours only met with "our deeds are different". It doesn't matter what your deeds say. They relate to a different piece of land!
Quietly sobbing Riley is going for a little lie down. Later Riley will phone the tame solicitor and get him to write a gentle letter explaining the law of trespass for dummies.

Where is the 'parking space'? is it on the road? if it is...is that a private road?

Check the land registry for conformation of boundaries. Sometimes what's shown
on the owners' deeds aren't what's at the land registry (changes may have been made by or with the consent of the previous owners)

Do what you can to avoid the legal route until you've tried everything else. Boundary issues are, notoriously, protracted, complicated and very expensive... and often treated unsympathetically by judges to both parties.

Quote: KLRiley @ July 11 2012, 9:16 PM BST

Now stupid woman's husband has returned and is being as stupid. Riley is going to settle down with a few beers and the lawyer's number on speed dial. I may be some time.

God I hate these sort of things, when people can't or more likely, won't, see reason. Sounds like having something legal wafted under her nose may be the only way to go...is there nowhere else that she can park nearby?

Obviously what you need to do is buy another car and just leave it in the space 24 hours a day.

Quote: KLRiley @ July 11 2012, 9:16 PM BST

Now stupid woman's husband has returned and is being as stupid. Riley is going to settle down with a few beers and the lawyer's number on speed dial. I may be some time.

Do you think they'd guess it was you if you stuck some nails/broken glass under their tyres? Not that I'm vindictive or anything.

TTPYO

'Autoglass repair

Autoglass replace'

Quote: Nat Wicks @ July 11 2012, 8:31 PM BST

So do you legally own the land that that space is on? You should put a little (but permanent) sign up saying that that the space is private property, parking is trespassing etc.

Or even one of those lockable parking bollards.

Quote: Booo @ July 11 2012, 9:05 PM BST

My child. My lovely, adorable, sweet child. With no sense for money and she's almost 8 1/2, or so she tells everyone.

She likes these rubbers from a posh stationery shop and collects them. They're a pound each and she gets them with her pocket money.

I asked her earlier where they were and she told me she was selling them at school. She sold 10 at only 10p each. The face on her when I explained that with that money she'd only be able to buy one in that shop.

She's usually good at maths.

Angry

Never mind, if she learns that lesson early, she will be a financial wiz when she grows up.

Spouse and I read through the deeds properly. If they are a standard conveyance then stupid woman is not only committing trespass but is also in breach of at least two covenants herself. All actionable.

Mwahahahaha.

Quote: Booo @ July 11 2012, 9:05 PM BST

My child. My lovely, adorable, sweet child. With no sense for money and she's almost 8 1/2, or so she tells everyone.

She likes these rubbers from a posh stationery shop and collects them. They're a pound each and she gets them with her pocket money.

I asked her earlier where they were and she told me she was selling them at school. She sold 10 at only 10p each. The face on her when I explained that with that money she'd only be able to buy one in that shop.

She's usually good at maths.

Angry

Oh bless. Hope she's realised that this is not good business. But probably good training for advising the Chancellor, who can't do maths either.

Bills advice is both excelent and kinky sounding

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