NJ: iPhone App

MILES:There has been concern this week over a new iPhone application which allows stupid people to apply for an instant loan at interest rates of up to 3000%. With us now is Financial Analyst Gordon McSmith.

GORDON:Hello.

MILESo Gordon, is it really that easy to borrow money with your iPhone now?

GORDON:There is a 4 page application form to fill out, which sounds daunting but fortunately there's an app for that. Look.

F/X:Tap, tap, bleep

GORDONone. Now I just select the loan amount and duration - £1000 for 7 days.

F/X:Bleep

GORDON:And the money is in my account.

MILESo what if you can't afford to pay the loan back?

GORDON:Exactly – I can't. With all the interviews I've been doing about this new app, I'm now 47 thousand pounds in debt.

MILES:But surely these aren't your traditional loan shark?

GORDON:Well the technology has improved…

F/X:Text message received bleep

GORDON:Look. Here's a text from the iPhone Unlicensed Bailiff app.

MILES:What does it say?

GORDON:It says, "Things break easy round here guv…like kneecaps." Oh no. They've just activated the Violent Retribution app which saves them coming round to your house with a hammer. Look, it instructs you to put your thumb on the touch screen here, then uses an overload of the vibration function to…

F/X:BEEP. LOUD VIBRATION. CRACK!

GORDONSCREAMS)

MILES:Is there nothing you can do to deter them?

GORDON:I do have this new disguise app. I hold the iPhone up to my mouth and it puts a false moustache on the screen so you can't tell who I am and it has a built in voce changer to help hide my identity when they come looking for me. Like this (COMEDY VOICE) Me no speaka da english, Don't know Gordon McSmith.

MILES:Let's hope it works while you still have your other thumb and both legs. Is there any advice you'd give to those who need a bit of extra cash instead of using this new app?

GORDON:Most people could save £300 instantly and £40 per month by just not having an iPhone.

MILES:Gordon McSmith, thank you

I liked it, especially the overload to break fingers. Not sure the disguise app brings anything to the party, so you could leave that out, but it's a good ending to the sketch.

Minor point, but Miles doesn't really get any of the funny lines here. Maybe he could do with a few more? Especially the opener.

Dan

Cheers.

I thought that about Miles' opener too but I couldn't really think of much that was definitely in his style - and not hitting his style made it look rubbish. I just sort of assumed they'd sort that out themselves if they were covering this and leading into the sketch.

Ho hum. I might concentrate more on one-liners next week.